The 16 keys to learning to manage anger in ourselves

Anger is a basic emotion that can be adaptive if we know how to handle it and make good use of it. However, if we do not modulate it properly, it can harm us in the short and long term.

In order to make it easier for you properly manage anger in yourselfBelow we will explain some habits or ways of acting that benefit its regulation and make it really adaptive. If you want to continue learning how to better manage anger through habits, read on.

• Related article: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

What is anger?

Anger is an emotion that appears in the person when they think that a negative consequence for their interests has occurred or will occur, who believes that it could have been avoided if someone else had thought about it or acted differently.

Contrary to what is often thought, it is not simply an antisocial psychological phenomenon. It does present a function of adaptation to the environment, since it allows organizing and regulating internal processes of both the mind and the body in general; in her

an increase in physiological activation appears, such as motor or cardiovascular, in relation to a feeling of anger that occurs when the desired objectives are not achieved or the needs are not met. In the same way, it is also adaptive because it allows to regulate and build relationships based on the balance of power with other people, expressing discontent, anger or disagreement.

In this way, it is considered an emotion that is subjectively negative, since it shows anger and fury linked to experiences or desired and that generate discomfort, but at the same time it is conceived as a basic survival reaction, because it encourages us to take the initiative to avoid future damage.

In reference to anger, Three components can be differentiated in it, depending on the system that is activated or is related. Anger, as we have already mentioned, refers to the emotional state; aggression would be the component linked to behavioral performance; and finally, hostility is related to the cognitive factor, with the attitude we have towards anger.

Thus, since sometimes there are alterations if this emotional component, anger, is not controlled well, they can appear affectations in individuals, ceasing to present advantages and can only generate problems and discomfort in the person who it shows. Therefore, it will be necessary to work on habits and ways of acting that allow to regulate states of anger.

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Psychological keys that help regulate and manage anger in oneself

It is essential to know the causes, which can be diverse, or the different phases through which anger passes in order to identify it when before and act to regulate it and avoid possible affectations. In this way it will be very important to learn to perform good self-control.

Here are some habits or ways of acting that allow you to control anger and that it does not reach harmful levels.

1. Be aware of the first physical symptoms

We have already mentioned that one of the main reactions to anger is physiological activation, such as cardiovascular activity or increased sweating. Thus, it is important to identify these early physical symptoms and being able to act prematurely by deciding to move away from the source of conflict and re-relax.

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2. Name the emotions we are feeling

Once the first reactions have been identified, it is recommended to name what we are feeling, in order to find the meaning and rationalize the reaction. allows us to take perspective and not act in an inappropriate and impulsive way.

Likewise, it can be beneficial to practice this skill on an ongoing basis, as a habit, as this helps facilitate the process when you are in a state of anger.

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3. Stop for a moment and think before you act

Thinking before acting is essential and can save us impulsive and negative actions that complicate the situation and that do not really resemble who we are. This more thoughtful form of behavior is useful in most situations in our lives.; therefore, it is good to establish it as a habit of action.

• Related article: "Self-control: 7 psychological tips to improve it"

4. You don't stay with anger inside, express it

As we have seen, anger allows us to act in an adaptive and functional way, as it allows us to defend our goals and needs.

But for the usefulness of this to be really functional we will first need to be aware of what we feel, calm down, organize our ideas and main objectives in order to do so. communicate our anger and our disagreements in such a situation assertively, that is, defending our rights and interests without doing it in an aggressive or hostile manner.

It is important not to accumulate anger, in this way it will be recommended to express it, but as we have already said, in an appropriate and not impulsive way.

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5. Try not to show a winner / loser mentality

In the same way, it is recommended to be empathetic and understanding with others, without showing the winner or loser dichotomy, where it is believed that in interpersonal relationships one wins, implying that the other must lose.

6. Change the way you refer to or express what you feel

Given the degree of activation that occurs during the feeling of anger, being able to identify it and soften it or help to express it in an appropriate way benefits us.

In the same way that we have pointed out the need to be assertive, it is crucial to express our anger in a calm and without raising your voice and without using any kind of insult or bad language.

7. Try to be an empathetic person

When raising the definition of anger, we saw that one of the reasons for its appearance is due to the belief that another person has not taken into account or has not acted appropriately to benefit the achievement of their own objectives.

In this way, Before blaming the other individual, it is necessary to try to put ourselves in his place to understand why he acted this way or why he thinks that way.

Thus, it will also help us to act optimally, since we will better understand the cause of their behavior.

• Related article: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in someone else's shoes"

8. Train attentive and active listening

In the same way, to understand the reason for the behavior of the other person, it is essential to listen to them and give them attention to know what he thinks or why he presents the behavior that has caused our anger and the state of go to.

It is essential to train good communication skills to know how to adequately express what we feel and think how to receive well what the other individual tells us.

• Related article: "The 10 basic communication skills"

9. Allow yourself moments of the day to reflect and be with yourself

In the same way that it is recommended to think before acting when we are in a state of anger, It is also beneficial to have our moments of reflection, of thinking and of being with us themselves, to be more aware of how we feel, what we feel, what worries us... in short, if there is something that makes us angry.

In this way it will be easier to know ourselves and thus have our moments of relaxation and tranquility.

10. Take your time to relax and breathe

These practices can be done both during the state of anger and at other times of the day to help us be more calm. Relaxation and proper breathing, with short breaths and long breaths helps us decrease our general state of activation, which as we have seen is a characteristic sign of anger and in the same way it is beneficial to have our moments of disconnection.

Some typical practices to exercise breathing and relaxation are yoga or meditation.

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12. Sports practice

Exercising is a good stress and anger fighter or reducer. It is beneficial to find the practices that we like the most in order to generate a routine, since it has been seen that sport helps us to mentally disconnect and reduce muscle tension, stress and anger, allowing us later to perceive the situation with perspective to understand it better and act more adaptive.

13. Train the search for solutions

It is important not to remain anchored in the problem or in the situation that causes us anger, in this way, it will be It is essential to practice the generation of solutions that help us act in the best way when we feel angry. Anger does not have to be the end result, but should be an indicator that something is not right in order to act and improve our state.

14. Rest well

To better cope with different situations or not be so frustrated or irritable it is very important to sleep and rest properly, sleep the necessary hours (minimum 7 in general, or 7 and a half to 8 in adolescents, young adults and middle-aged people).

• Related article: "The 7 main sleep disorders"

15. Don't always be with toxic people

In order to prevent anger and feelings of anger, it is essential to flee from situations or people negative that we know do not bring us anything good and only do not create discomfort, thus affecting our day to day.

16. If the situation overwhelms you, ask for professional help

As in many other situations, if you see that the techniques proposed are insufficient or the feelings of anger are uncontrollable and continuously affect your functionality, Whenever you perceive that the situation is slipping out of your hands, it is essential that you ask a professional for help.

With the support that psychologists offer you will be able to learn to emotionally manage your situation, and We will help you to better understand the reason for your condition and how to use effective techniques and strategies to cope with it.