How to stop comparing yourself to others: 5 practical tips

Comparisons can be hateful, but we can't avoid them. It is an intrinsic aspect of human nature to compare ourselves with other people, both in the good and in the bad, especially in the bad.

Others always seem to have something we crave: a good car, a toned body, a better salary... If only we look at how good they are and compare it with what we seem to be lacking, we will not be very happy.

Knowing how to stop comparing yourself to others is something that we have surely asked ourselves a lot on more than one occasion. Obsessive comparisons are bad for our sanity, which is why we're going to explain how to end them below. Stay to find out.

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Why knowing how to stop comparing yourself to others is key

Comparing yourself to others is a common behavior. It is totally normal to do so, since comparison is an essential element in people's social life. In fact, the social psychologist Leon festinger he explained in 1954 how human beings

We create part of our identity by comparing ourselves with others, evaluating our abilities, appearance, opinions and even social position when comparing ourselves with others. We resort to this strategy when we cannot evaluate our characteristics objectively for ourselves.

Festinger spoke of two types of comparison: on the one hand we would have the upward comparison, when we we compare with another person who we consider superior or graceful in some aspect that is significant; the other is the downward comparison, when we do it with someone who we consider inferior or who lacks something that we have. Upward comparisons are generally a source of discomfort and frustration, while the downside usually bring well-being and satisfaction.

Despite being common, we should not think that excessive comparisons are healthy. Comparing yourself to others can often be very detrimental to our mental health, especially considering that we tend to make comparisons upwards rather than downwards. In fact, even in people who have some kind of deficiency, it is more likely that we look at what we do not have and they do than not vice versa.

Consequences of comparing yourself to others

As we mentioned, the upward comparison is a source of discomfort and, if it is done on a recurring and persistent basis, it will end up involving serious consequences on the mental health of those who carry it out. As the person is constantly comparing himself and believing that he is less than almost everyone else, his self-esteem and self-worth are progressively reduced.

Among the main consequences of excessive comparison we have:

1. Lower self esteem

As we have said, when comparing ourselves with others, our self-esteem weakens. The reason for this is that we stop focusing on ourselves and our abilities, causing us to always see them as inferior to those of others.

Although the comparisons should motivate us to improve what we are scarce in, the constant comparison can make us lose hope when we see that there will always be someone who is better at something than we not so much.

It can go to the extreme of causing self rejection for not possessing the qualities that other people have and are so desired.

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2. Waste of time

Comparisons are automatic, but this does not mean that they do not waste time, quite the contrary. When one falls into one of them he may be turning it over and over again, delving into its "flaws", which are always very subjective. It may be the case that those same defects are also looked for in others, with the hope that other people have the same problem or, even, are worse.

Whether it is up or down, the comparison is going to waste time. A time that we could invest in improving the desired quality or, directly, take advantage of it to have a more pleasant life.

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3. It damages our social life

Comparing yourself to others it often makes us feel self-conscious in the presence of other people we perceive as better, more skilled, attractive, or better endowed.

It can also happen that, when trying to make friends with them or when they already are, we cannot help but think constantly in all that they have and in all that we lack, overwhelming us and feeling an unhealthy envy towards they. Friendship can turn into a kind of competition or a relationship of excessive pride, toxic dynamics.

4. Lower your mood

Who constantly compares is not happy. You cannot see how much you have and how little you really need. You don't see the many good things that make up your personality and you obsessively focus on the bad things you think you have.

Comparisons turn off our joy, they cause us discomfort and dissatisfaction. Feeling less than others and making our personal worth depend on what we see in others ruins our well-being.

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Tips to let yourself compare with other people

As we have commented, comparisons are a normal aspect of the human condition, something that occurs in our interaction with other people. However, that it is something human does not mean that we should do it frequently, as we have already commented. Comparisons can hurt us a lot, which is why you have to know how to keep them at bay, something that we can achieve if we apply the following tips in our lives.

1. Recognize that we compare ourselves to others

The first thing is to recognize that we compare ourselves with others. This sounds simple, but it is more complicated than it seems because, when comparisons have become a very common habit, something we do almost every day, it is difficult to realize it. It has become a daily dynamic, something we don't stop to think about like when we walk or breathe.

To recognize it, we must be vigilant and identify certain indicators such as dissatisfaction with oneself, wanting to have skills and other positive characteristics that we see in others, see how we behave in a competitive way with other people or feel envy every day for a friend, colleague or person on the networks social.

It is essential to identify in which contexts we feel this way, with which people, with what specific trait or aspect and, very importantly, what emotions it produces in us. A highly recommended advice would be to write it down in a journal or on a sheet, analyze the entire comparison, delve into its guts. Once we are aware of the problem, it will be easier to work on its solution.

2. Identify what we want to change

Once we have understood how much we compare ourselves to others, now is the time to reflect on who we are and all that we have achieved. As we have seen before, we sure have very good things. Nobody is perfect, naturally, we are going to have some defect, but we are not a complete disaster either.

There is always some skill, some trait that puts us above the rest. By comparing ourselves to others, we become aware of these apparent flaws, so it's time to look at strengths. It is complicated, as the human mind seems as if it is designed to constantly apply the bias of negativity, but fortunately and with a little effort we can free ourselves from its tyranny.

Identifying what we want to change will help us to put the means to improve it, instead of spending energy identifying what it is that others have that we do not have. Added to this, knowing what we are good at will motivate us to understand that in the same way that we have achieved certain things, with more or less effort, we can achieve many others.

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3. Not idolize others

It is one thing to admire someone and quite another to idolize them, glorify them in absolutely everything.. It is not bad to want to look like someone we consider a role model, either because of who he is or because of how much he has achieved, but without going overboard. We must understand that the many things that he has represent only the desirable part of that person, because he will also have his defects and, perhaps, complexes. That person has weaknesses, just like you and anyone else.

4. Less use of social media

Social media does not represent the real world. In this virtual space, people only show their best side, giving the false impression that they have no difficulties or defects. If we expose ourselves too much to them, we will be prone to compare ourselves and we will have the feeling that everyone is better than us.

Behind all the photos of apparent success and positive experiences that we see on virtual platforms there is a normal life, of the heap. Travel photos, expensive clothes, toned bodies... all of this is something that those who publish them have decided they want to show others. They do not show the times they have stayed at home, the old clothes they still have, or the times they have skipped the training day to stay home to watch TV.

These networks have the problem that they are so immense that, whatever we do, we will always find someone better in absolutely whatever we compare ourselves to. It is advisable to use less social networks or, directly, remove the account of certain platforms that the only thing they will do is increase our insecurities and frustrate us.

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5. Seek professional help

Whether you think you need it or not, the best of all tips is seek professional help to assess the severity of this problem. After all, excessive comparisons cause psychological discomfort, something that should be addressed by a psychologist. Behind these comparisons are often problems of self-esteem, obsession with a canon of beauty or relatively unattainable skills. The psychotherapyRegardless of how frequent the comparisons are, it will increase our well-being.