Are we doomed to emotional disconnection?

Is loneliness possible in the hyperconnected society? Is it real that this evil is shaking our society in a worrying way?

Today everything is focused on facilitating accessibility to communication and exchange between people. However, for the WHO loneliness is one of the greatest current risks for the deterioration of health, due to its implications in multiple facets of our lives that influence a deterioration in the quality and expectancy of life.

There are countries committed to tackling these kinds of problems, such as the United Kingdom, which has created a Ministry for Loneliness (headed by Minister Tracy Crouch), or Japan, which Due to the “Kodokushi phenomenon”, he sees how large numbers of people died alone in their homes, so his government decided to create housing complexes with specialized care.

• Related article: "Unwanted loneliness: what is it and how can we combat it"

How do you get to the loss of connection?

You may be permanently connected to social networks, you may meet often with friends, your schedule is full of social activities... or isolate yourself at home.

These extremes that seem so different are actually two sides of the same coin, the loss of connection.

If you feel that you are not connected with others, surely you will feel alone; You will notice that no one understands you or that you do not understand others, that everyone approaches out of interest, that love is not real, that interacting with other people does not make sense or that you have to get something out of it to make it worthwhile for you to interact with someone.

How we relate to others is usually a reflection of what we have inside of us. In this case, we have somehow lost connection with our feelings; Perhaps we have purposely broken or managed to silence that inner pain, and when we stop listening to it it is as if we numb our hearts and become more numb or cold.

But These invisible barriers that separate you from yourself and others are a protection. This weapon is often too sophisticated and is being refined to offer greater protection. What works at first, later makes you fall into the trap of isolating yourself in one way or another; at first you will feel lonely, and over time you will stop enjoying many things, mainly on a social level, With which you will cut the contact, reduce it or leave it in a superficial plane, Total, you feel alone in the same way shape.

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The consequences of this phenomenon in our relationships

On the one hand we are social beings, and on the other we are defenseless beings in need of protection until we grow up. Definitely, we all need healthy, safe, stable bonds in our group of belonging.

If we do not have this, we will lack a foundation of trust that will provoke dependency relationships, superficial or harmful with its consequences. Between them distrust is common, but seen as something very deep that can be nesting inside us and blocking our way even without realizing it.

This will not allow us to love ourselves as we deserve, and it can do us a disservice; from losing connection with ourselves to losing it with our feelings, which would be like stopping communicating with a part of us. Or even later lose connection with others and feel life from afar or off, as if even good things stopped making us vibrate.

This can cause you to become cold; in situations like this you don't want to feel your pain and that of others less. It also causes you to lose connection with your deepest feelings. But your emptiness will still be there and you will try to cover it or solve it, although that will not be enough.

Then we run the risk of becoming self-destructive, begging for crumbs of love... And perhaps the most outstanding characteristic, we become distrustful and with a perception of what relationships are a little or quite dysfunctional.

• Related article: "Distrust in a relationship: 11 ways it hurts us"

How is the connection generated?

The lowest common denominator of connection is communication. According to scientific studies carried out in this regard, the first bond we form outside the womb maternal is given through contact and after looking with those who are usually with our caregivers. We share this with many other mammals, and it allows us to communicate beyond all communication. verbal: it is the "I know you are there, I see you, I recognize you and we are close, you can count on me, we are part of something together".

Thus we can understand a link as a deeper connection, and deduce that to generate a connection, even if it is more superfluous, a glance or a touch is enough. For example, love at first sight, as in stories or movies, is based on stories that have a deep impact on our way of understanding love and that push us to idealize what an attractive appearance can achieve, "love true".

It is easier for this spark to arise with people similar to us, with whom there is an innate component of understanding, empathy or recognition of the other person when perceiving similarities, which makes us trust more or connect better with the other person. But it is also created by meeting the other person, sharing experiences with them... Definitely, communication on a real, deeper level creates connection.

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Reconnect emotionally

Thus, the experience of not being or feeling connected with others, as we are seeing, can be evidenced in various ways on a day-to-day basis. Some will be more visible, such as not having people around, and others can mask this same reality, such as being around people often or having many friends on Instagram.

For emotionally manage these situations, reconnect with the world:

• Face what you don't want to hear inside.
• Allow yourself to go deeper with the people around you.
• Trade distrust for learning to choose who you trust.
• Do not hide your feelings, accept your "dark side" but real.
• Bet on having quality, real and deep relationships.

¡Accept that it is not better not to risk, because when you stop feeling you stop living! There are no bad feelings, only real ones; listen to what they have to say, connect.