How is the psychological treatment in victims of narcissists?

Narcissism is more than a psychological trait that is present in large numbers in some people; Furthermore, it is projected beyond the individual, affecting the relationships that it establishes with others.

In other words, those who are very narcissistic process their thoughts and emotions in a characteristic way, but They also express their interests and their way of being in a very marked way, often problematic and capable of harming others. the rest.

Therefore, in this article we will see how to work in psychotherapy with people who have developed psychological problems due to their dealings with markedly narcissistic people.

• Related article: "How does a narcissist react to rejection?"

What is narcissism?

The idea of ​​narcissism occupies a remarkable place in popular culture. On many occasions we use the label "narcissistic" to refer to those people who seem to be too focused on themselves, who do not think of others at all.

In fact, as society is perceived as an entity made up of individualistic subjects and focused on their own particular desires and needs, there are not a few who consider that narcissism is growing in society, especially among youth, despite the fact that scientific research in psychology does not support such a affirmation.

On the other hand, through the media and other forms of cultural transmission that go beyond the Scientific popularization has a very strong idea about what narcissism is, understood as the characteristic of a very self-centered person who thinks little or nothing of others. This definition is partly true, but as is often the case with psychological concepts transferred to popular knowledge, many nuances are lost in the process.

Actually, the main characteristics of narcissism are as follows:

• Deep-rooted belief that oneself is special, superior to the rest, and deserves privileged treatment.
• Difficulties admitting their own mistakes, tendency to project them onto others.
• Constant concern about your own appearance and how you are perceived by others.
• Tendency to overestimate one's abilities and capacities.
• Need for frequent external validation.

Being a narcissist does not always translate into excess self-esteem or insecurityrather, it implies a voracious hunger for appreciation and admiration, a desire to be the center attention and seeking special treatment that demonstrates that the narcissist is of a special status higher. Narcissism is characterized by a more or less developed feeling of grandeur, a need for excessive admiration, and the belief that one is unique and deserves special treatment.

In psychology narcissism is conceived as a spectrum that shows a more or less marked predisposition to reproduce a certain type and pattern of behavior; That is why beyond the existence of a narcissistic personality disorder, Narcissism is also a concept approached from the Psychology of Individual Differences and Personality Traits. That is, a trait of which one has more or one has less can be understood, distributed in a normal way in the population, and in most cases it does not become psychopathological.

Most people are in the middle of the normal curve, with levels of narcissism far from being considered pathological, being people centered in their own right. On the other hand, few people find themselves at one of the two extremes, both with a lot of narcissism and with little.

• You may be interested in: "The 7 Needs of Narcissists (Explained)"

Narcissism in relationships

The desire of very narcissistic people to gain the admiration and praise of others, especially potential romantic partners, makes them very charming and charismatic, seductive behavior. However, due to their lack of empathy, it is difficult for a relationship of trust to be established, mutual respect and understanding between him and his partner, which means that the relationship takes little time to disintegrate.

Pathologically narcissistic people can show passion and charm on first dates; but nevertheless, perceive relationships as a mere transaction. For them, relationships simply serve to provide them with the attention they seek and sexual satisfaction to feed their ego and self-esteem. The goal is to enjoy pleasure, and many narcissists lose interest in relationships as intimacy increases.

It is very difficult for people with narcissistic personality disorder to fall in love and build a relationship based on the respect and equality of its members. Who is extremely narcissistic will try to establish very strict rules in the relationship and will try to isolate his new partner from her friends and family, among others behaviors that border on abuse and possessive control.

That is why very marked narcissism is considered, together with Machiavellianism and psychopathy, one of the psychological traits that form part of the "dark triad" (or Dark Triad), psychological elements linked to antisocial behavior and that not only can cause discomfort in the relationships, but even facilitate the appearance of abuse dynamics capable of causing psychological problems in their partners and friends persons.

• Related article: "The 6 main types of toxic relationships"

How do you intervene in psychotherapy with victims of narcissists?

In cases in which the habitual treatment with a very narcissistic person has caused psychological damage in the patient, the strategies and techniques used for this The types of psychotherapy treatments are usually the following (they depend on a prior assessment of the needs, characteristics and vital context of each person).

Cognitive restructuring

Victims of highly narcissistic people They tend to blame themselves for much of what happened, which not only causes them a lot of discomfort, but also makes it difficult for them to overcome that experience. For this reason, in therapy they are helped to get rid of these guilty beliefs through cognitive restructuring, a process in which they helps the person to detect these dysfunctional beliefs and to question them, to finally replace them with others more adjusted to the reality.

• You may be interested in: "Cognitive restructuring: what is this therapeutic strategy like?"

EMDR therapy

The EMDR approach has been shown to be effective especially in cases in which the relationship with the narcissistic person has led to sequelae in the form of trauma or complications in the management of anxiety in general.

Through this intervention, the necessary conditions are created for the patient's brain to process the memories of that relationship in a way that does not generate a strong emotional response associated with discomfort, so that the person accepts what happened and stops trying to "block" the evocation of that part of their memory because of how bad it is for them. makes you feel.

Training in assertiveness and improvement of self-esteem

Social skills training is often important in these cases, since it allows the person to learn from what happened and understand all the nuances why their relationship with the narcissistic person was unsatisfactory and was based on an asymmetry of power.

In this sense, the development of assertiveness is especially relevant, and allows the patient to express her needs and feelings without constantly giving in to it. fear of rejection (something that usually occurs in the victims of very narcissistic people since the latter tend to underestimate the achievements and opinions of those who surround).

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

Looking for psychotherapy services?

If you want to have psychotherapeutic support, get in touch with us.

In Psychomaster We serve people of all ages in our center located in Madrid, both from psychotherapy and from the field of psychiatry. In addition, we also give the possibility of making online sessions by video call.