How to have healthy friendship relationships: 10 effective tips

Healthy friendships are a bond shaped by a deep sense of commitment and intimacy, in which two human beings express their individuality without fear that their respective vulnerabilities will be harmfully exposed.

It is an affective space in which the confluence of two people gives rise to something more than one simple sum, as it provides as a result the opportunity for the development of emotional aspects essential.

• We recommend you read: "Toxic friendships: 7 signs to spot a bad friend"

In this article we present ten keys on how to have healthy friendship relationships, always considering that each case is unique and that the social needs of each are also different.

How to have healthy friendship relationships

A healthy friendship relationship is one that provides opportunities for communication, that shares time, which is founded on realistic expectations, which avoids destructive lies, which provides spaces for the resolution of conflicts, that respects individuality, that takes refuge in freedom, that recognizes what makes it unique and that is projected towards the future.

Below we detail each of these characteristics, all of them important.

1. Share what you feel

Sharing what happens inside us is the easiest way to forge a relationship of trust with another person. It is about creating a common space in which intimacy can unfold in a genuine way, without the need for coercion or social pressure. The moment you tell what you feel, even when it is something apparently negative, you are moving in the same direction.

Although a lot of time and space is reserved to be together, imposing a barrier of silence for feelings We promote a progressive distancing, much greater than that existing between people who are physically separated. And it is that when you share what you feel, the inner world is built on a common thread, and a lower risk is assumed that over the years it will generate insurmountable discrepancies between people.

2. Spend time with that person

Time is key in all relationships. However, when it comes to this matter, quality must be prioritized over quantity. Building activities that are enjoyable for both parties is essential, because laughing together strengthens the invisible bonds of friendship. This phenomenon is based on physiological and endocrine factors, such as the production of oxytocin or from dopamine in the brain's reward system.

Today there are many people who, despite being together in the same room, are absurdly distant from others. This fact can be explained, above all, by the abuse that is often made of mobile devices and other related technologies. And it is that the conversations that are carried out through these means limit many components of the language not verbal, which contain much of the emotional substrate of a social interaction (smiles, hugs, glances, etc.).

3. Make plans, show commitment

In a relationship between friends, and in life in general, it is important to stay connected to what is happening at all times. However, it is also crucial to project expectations into the future, building scenarios in which the relationship has opportunities for growth. With this constructive attitude we demonstrate commitment, one of the raw materials with which the fabric of any healthy relationship is embroidered.

Shared plans also promote the feeling that people are alike, which ends up stimulating search for both physical and emotional proximity (which can only be accessed with the trust). The saying that says "touch makes love" is not at all trivial, as it summarizes a whole series of scientific findings on the links, although translated into operational terms.

4. Regulate expectations

All of us have needs that we project towards the social environment. The desire to be accepted and / or understood is almost universal, and through it, expectations arise about what we want to find among those around us. Thus, we may be looking for someone to trust when we are in difficult times, with whom to have a good time, who feeds our intellectual thirst or who knows how to keep a secret.

Sometimes we come to think that a true friendship is one with which we satisfy everything we long for, without realizing that with this we aspire to someone idealized and impossible. The risk of maintaining this position is twofold: either we end up frustrated (by not finding anyone who meets these requirements) or we condemn another person to act in a way that is impossible to maintain in the long term (due to her proximity to a suffocating perfection).

It is important to recognize that friendship with someone contributes important things, and to value them exactly for what they are, without the need for it to satisfy all that we seek in our social life. To achieve the latter, the most appropriate thing is to have a wide network of people to trust, where each one can genuinely contribute to her way of being and doing her.

5. Avoid lying

Lying is one of the great enemies of friendships. Whoever receives it can experience it as a betrayal, and this leads to an important emotional distance. In general, loyalty is one of the most valued attributes in a person who is considered a friend, and the recourse to lying can erode any effort to reap a relationship based on trust mutual. For some, even a lie is an irreversible face.

6. Learn to forgive

Forgiving is basic in a relationship between two people. Because a good friendship tends to develop over the years, it is not uncommon for it to go through times when one party disappoints the other in some way. It is a natural fact, the result of friction between two human beings who are essentially different, but looking for a space in which to create an “us” that reconciles their discrepancies in a harmonica.

Asking for forgiveness and forgiving implies recognizing one's own imperfection in the first case, and overcoming pride in the second. Both pose an obvious challenge to two of the most powerful resistances that are debated in our internal forum: the desire to possess the truth and the difficulty to tolerate grievances. In any case, if the situation is reversible and can be overcome, this forgiveness opens up new scenarios in which the bond can be strengthened.

7. Run away from generalities about friendship

There are certain myths that do not fit at all with the reality of a healthy relationship between two people. One of the best known is that of the half orange, in which an individual is anticipated to be incomplete by nature until he agrees with another, the purpose of which is to complete and be completed. Such beliefs can lead to a relationship of codependency, both in friendship and in the couple.

It is necessary to bear in mind that popular sayings depend on the historical context in which they were formulated, and that what was "true" at one point may not be so today. Likewise, all friendship is unique and irreducible to stereotypes, myths or prefabricated ideas; Therefore, he advances from his individuality, going through a process of exploration and self-exploration.

8. Don't try to hoard

Certain people, when they forge a relationship of friendship with someone, can act in a very possessive way. This is due to the fear of losing their position in the bond, which is why any approach from third parties is perceived as a threat that must be resolved with vehemence and decision. These kinds of inertias lead to totally hermetic relationships, in which one party is afraid of being abandoned and the other is afraid of disappointing her in some way.

The maintenance of this type of relationship is based more on the fear of loneliness than on the enjoyment of company. Time is shared in order not to lose, ignoring the positive that a friend can provide. At the same time that this happens, the rest of the relationships weaken or even disappear. No friendly relationship can spring from coercion or blackmail. Only freedom, and the ability to decide where you want to be, allows a friendship to grow and flourish.

9. Create your own emotional space

Any relationship between two human beings is built by shared experiences, from which their peculiarities arise (which are recognized as their own and distinctive). It can be an experience from the past, or even jokes that feel personal, and that end up shaping a microcosm in which the feeling of unity is reinforced. The creation of this space is unique, and is a key part of the emotional component of the bond.

Emotional bonding is what distinguishes a healthy friendship from the simple confluence of two people in the same place, and it is for so very important to contribute to it by searching and underlining which moments were unique on the path that was traveled up to the Present.

10. Conflicts are not negative

There are many people who harbor the belief that conflicts are toxic to a relationship, and they live by juggling to prevent them from poisoning their friendship or partner. This avoidance runs counter to the principle that, sooner or later, difficulties arise that we will have to deal with.. In fact, today we know that the strongest friendships are not the ones that experienced the least friction, but the ones that learned to solve them.

Any crisis can be an ideal period to reorganize priorities, and learn something that gives us strength to overcome adversity. And if this is true for life in general, it is also true for friendship.