How to start over after a couple breakup: 8 tips to follow

In life as a couple there are beautiful, romantic and fun moments, but there can also be problems, conflicts and discussions that mean that, sooner or later, the end comes: the breakup.

Breakups are painful, something totally natural. Assuming that someone you loved no longer loves you is difficult and leaves a wound in the heart that stings for a long time.

But there is no break that cannot be overcome. It takes a lot of effort, but it can be done. Know how to start over after a breakup This is what we are going to discover next.

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How to start over after a breakup

Breaking up with your partner is never easy. Whether we have been the ones who have broken up or if it has been our ex, breakups are undoubtedly one of the most painful experiences we can live. Regardless of what has been what has dynamited the relationship, the love breakup upsets us in such a way that, at that moment, it gives us the impression that we will never get over it. We come to believe that this pain will never go away..

Breaking up with someone shakes our lives so strongly that breakups are precisely one of the most frequent causes for seek psychological help. Although it rarely evolves into a pathological picture, it is undeniable that they can affect our mental health, especially if they are mishandled or have occurred unexpectedly.

In order to help us move forward, throughout this article we are going to see how to start over after a breakup, although we already anticipated that there are no magic recipes. It is a process that requires patience, effort, self-reflection, strength and, above all, time. You have to trust the passage of time, which, after all, is what ends up healing wounds.

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Grief over a love breakup

For some, talking about grief after a couple breakup may sound strange. Why call it mourning if no one has died? No one has died, but something has: a life together. When you go out as a couple, it is inevitable to think long term, to believe that in that future the two will continue together. and, as a result of this belief, illusions, projects, hopes are developed... All of them die when the rupture occurs, which is why you can live with a lot of pain.

When we break up with our partner, whether it is we who have broken up or the other person has left us, we begin a period of mourning. It is expected that this duel will be passed by both parties, but normally it is the one that has been left that suffers more intensely. There are people who, after a breakup, take some time to tell their loved ones. They do not tell those close to them that they no longer have a partner because they still harbor the hope that this be only a temporary situation, that your expectations are met and that the part you have decided to break come back.

Holding on to the hope that this is a temporary breakup is part of the denial phase of grief associated with this process.. The shock of the breakup can be so great that one refuses to believe that one is in the new situation. It is nothing pathological, at least at first, but rather a strategy that helps us give ourselves a little time to get used to the idea.

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Phases of grief due to a breakup

As in any other duel, a breakup involves going through certain phases. Each person can experience it in their own way, because even in this aspect, people show individual differences. However, despite the differences in personality, we can identify some more or less universal phases in all duels for a couple breakup.

The first phase is the initial shock, the shock of the rupture. This is especially true for the person who has been left behind, who is caught off guard by unexpected news and feels one of disbelief. After this comes denial. As we have mentioned, it is common that one of the attitudes of the person left is to see the breakup as something merely temporary, the product of a specific discussion or a misunderstanding.

This is one of the reasons why the person does not inform those around them of what has happened, in the hope that it is something temporary. Think "Why report something that is going to be solved?". There is hope that they will reconcile, but this is nothing more than false hope and a refusal to accept reality.

But in the end he begins to understand the fact that he is no longer with that person he loved so much. Thus begins the next phase, one marked by the intense sadness of having to accept the fact that he no longer loves her. Symptoms of depression begin to appear: sadness, apathy, sleep problems, changes in diet, obsessive thoughts... Given the emotional intensity of this stage, it is very important not to repress emotions, but to let them let them come out This release is therapeutic, it will help you get through the breakup in the best possible way.

Finally accept what has happened and the new situation. This does not mean that, immediately, you will be happy. What happens at this moment is that the person begins to cheer up, trying to recover what liked to do before meeting your partner and resume contact with family, friends and other beings darlings.

As we said, each person is different and this is also shown in their way of mourning a sentimental breakup. The grieving process does not have a specific time, but depends on each person. However, if six months have passed since the breakup and depressive symptoms still manifest, we can speak of pathological grief and it is advisable to seek professional help.

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What to do to get over the breakup?

Now that we better understand what it means to go through a breakup process, let's see what we can do to get over the breakup as soon as possible and in the best possible way. There are no magic recipes that make this process easy and fast, and therefore it is essential to have a lot of patience and allow ourselves to feel what we have to feel.

We cannot repress our emotions by letting them eat us up inside. We feel bad, and we have every right in the world to release our emotions. If we don't feel like doing anything, then let's not do anything. If we feel anger, let us allow ourselves to feel and not blame ourselves for it. But this must be for a season, not forever. Stretching it eternally will deprive us of living life, giving us the opportunity to find ourselves better.

When we are tired of crying and feeling bad, even if it still costs us a bit and we hardly feel like it, we must force ourselves to do things. It's time to meet up with friends again, join the gym, study a language, go on an excursion, buy clothes beautiful, allow yourself a whim... anything in order to activate us, to get out of the momentary depression in which the breaking off. And we must also seek professional help in case we see it necessary.

1. accept reality

So, just as it sounds: accept reality. The best thing is not to cling to what could have been, nor to become obsessed with "maybe we can go back". Holding on to what you think could have been but has not been, keeping the hope that the relationship will resume, is only anchoring to the past and will not let us live in the present or the future.

It will cost you, you will not like it at all, but you have to accept that this breakup is part of your life. Accepting reality is painful, but it is much better than keeping hope in something that will not happen and stretching the suffering it causes.

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2. keep busy

Staying as long as we can is one of the best ways to get over the breakup. When we are paying attention to other things, the sadness disappears and little by little we are recovering the illusion. Almost without realizing it, we are lifting our heads and stop obsessing over our ex.

3. zero contact

A classic in all breakouts is to apply the zero contact strategy. This consists of cutting off all possible contact with our former partner. No contact with that person is going to help us, it is best to cut to the chase.

To achieve that moment when our hearts no longer ache, it is essential that we completely distance ourselves from that person.. We have to remove her from our contacts, not send her messages, remove her from our social networks... this way we will avoid being aware of him or her, gossip about her photos to see if she has remade her life.

4. not stay as friends

Don't stay with your ex as friends. It sounds wonderful that you reach that agreement, but the reality is that it is something very exceptional and rare that, in any case, happens after overcoming the duel. It is very difficult to be friends with someone you once loved on such an intimate level as a love relationship. Staying friends with an ex right after the breakup only serves to stretch the pain, contradicting the previous point of zero contact.

5. don't look guilty

It is better not to look for culprits because, although it is difficult to admit it, surely there are none. Of course there will be responsibilities, but these will be shared between the two. The two of you did things that, no matter how small, caused the relationship to reach a point where it was not natural to continue it. No one person is ever responsible for a breakup..

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6. Reconnect with loved ones

Going out with someone does not mean that we lose contact with our friends and family. However, there are many times that the love relationship takes such a priority in our lives that we leave our loved ones a little aside.

Now that we're going through a breakup, there is no longer an excuse to establish contact with those people again. It's time to get back in touch with friends and family, spend more time with them.

Friends and family are crucial in this period because they will help us to let off steam, expressing what we feel. Of course, we must understand that we should not prolong this unburdening too much, because if we turn our old relationship into an obsession we will not be able to free ourselves from the past. In addition, the patience of our friends and family has a limit, and having to put up with someone who he has been complaining about his past for too long and doing nothing to improve the present is not something nice.

7. Go back to doing what we like

In the same way that dating someone we leave our loved ones apart, the same happens with our hobbies. It usually happens that in the life of a couple one abandons those activities that they liked so much, either because you don't have time or because your partner simply didn't like it.

Now that it is no longer part of our lives, it is time to go back to doing what used to fill us with satisfaction. It is time to resume all those activities that you really like, those that make you feel good. It's time to attend exclusively to our preferences, have fun doing what we really like. It sounds obvious, but when you do things that you like and have fun, it improves your mood and, in this case, helps you get out of the sadness of the breakup.

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8. take care

Actions as basic as brushing your teeth, showering, combing your hair and getting dressed are difficult to do when you are in absolute sadness. Not having a partner is not the end of the world. It hurts at first, and it may be difficult for us to get up, but we must make an effort and not neglect our health, promote self-esteem and pamper ourselves. We must not forget to maintain a healthy life, eating healthy, exercising from time to time and taking care of ourselves.