The transformation of the couple after mapaternity

A new integrative look at the changes that occur in couples after the first months of the arrival of the baby at home. A vision of the society that parents and grandparents have to live with. The interrelation between them and the demands that current life requires and that function as demands that are difficult to respond to. A way of thinking about what happens to us internally, beyond what has already been said. These are some of the ideas that are briefly developed in this article.

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The psychological impact of the arrival of the baby

We are no longer who we were and that is difficult to accept, our anxieties, work pressures, trying to do things well, According to others, these are some of the issues that today's parents must face without prejudice, blame or role models. stereotyped. The invitation is to find your own model, the one that suits that family and its uniqueness.

Much has been said about the happiness produced by the arrival of a baby, also about the changes psychological and physical of the puerperium, of the change in the maternal body and the new reconnection of both parents with the same. A body traversed by psychological motherhood and biology.

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generational differences

But what happens with the transformation in the couple, especially in the most prolific generation of these times, those who today are between thirty and a little more. The generation that decided to face the family project being closer to forty years old. A generation that traveled, had fun, studied and worked without worrying about more than themselves. A generation that rightfully decided to enjoy life, something that was also fostered by their own parents, who knew what good to live those experiences but to those who had to wait for their children to grow up to be able to fulfill that desire, as marked by the epoch.

Today the contradiction arises between these two generations that coexist at the same time. Of course, enjoying life without obligations is fine, but like everything, it has its consequences, and today they face a reality that they had not ventured. A reality for which they have no model, precisely because of the speed with which paradigm shifts are generated.

What about these parents who have been together for a long time, who know their tastes and have a dynamic that works, at least until today?

Much has changed since the times of those who are or will be grandparents today, where although the changes described in the puerperium became visible, society took for granted that the internal change of transition in the couple was a obvious. Today the older generation does not understand how their grandchildren are traveling babies or can accompany their parents to work.

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a global change

Everything changes and you have to adapt to the times, and so the world evolves. But the arrival of the baby is not only puerperal changes, but a change of life. Regardless of the idea that each one has about parenting and the exercise of map-parenthood, the greatest change that is observed and remains underestimated is the change of life, which does not refer only to the care of the infant or the difficulties at bedtime or the return to work.

It is about the change of identity of the couple, a deeper change, where these young people cease to be such, in the sense of identical to who they were, travelers or those who accepted all the invitations from friends. Today they are surprised, beginning to question who will go to the meeting. All three, just one? Or how they are going to face those outings that not long ago were common to them and for which they did not need any type of preparation.

Today what changes is that couple to become a family, where both will make the decisions or will have to fight for her place with the baby (and there will be more than one boy or girl in the house). The question is if they will be able to rearrange themselves as parents and a baby, or will one be the father or mother of two.

Many times the mother is heard taking this place and then complaining about doing it. This is caused by her not having had the corresponding talk about how they will handle the limits, the outings, the walks with the family, or where the baby will sleep. This brings as a consequence psychic pain that can be solved with the clarification of those anonymous and pending issues.

Everything begins to get entangled, problems are seen where there are none or different problems to those that exist. Listening the difficulty of being able to resume sexual relations or the lack of desire by one or both parents in front of the arrival of the baby, but in reality it is about all these problems that are diluted under the surface, as if it were a cliché where if there is a puerperium the problems are the acquaintances.

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Putting the focus on the individual

Reducing human feelings, especially in times of crisis and much more in which identity is involved, is a reductionism in which it is not good to fall. We are much more than simple statistics and each couple will live it as they want or as they can. But looking a little below the surface, with an inclusive and less stereotyped look, can give us a quicker and more satisfactory to these inconveniences, so that they remain an apprenticeship and a useful tool for the rearrangement of the couple, as there will be so many others. That is growth and well-being as far as mental health is concerned.

I think it is convenient to put aside the massive to deal with each one, each individual in his singularity, and that the word gives a sense of exclusive, because that is what we are, unique beings with different realities, even though the stage of life we ​​go through seems the same.

In no way do I say it will be easy, since the change in how we saw ourselves is involved, the transformation that implies how we want to see ourselves as parents or how we will encourage ourselves to see ourselves in this new stage, certainly carries a work of him. Of role accommodation, of clarification of norms, of reconsideration of points of view and priorities jointly agreed between both parents, exercising what essential of the map-motherhood, which is to bring together the upbringing and the psychic, physical and spiritual construction of that human who expects the best act of love from his part, which could well be one of them, teaching him to manage changes, an irreplaceable good, given by the hand of his parents, a good that will undoubtedly contribute to future.