Psychotherapy after a miscarriage: how it works and how it helps

Being a mother is the illusion of many women. The moment they know they are pregnant, they begin to form a whole set of expectations about what their son or daughter will be like, assuming the role of mother.

Unfortunately, sometimes nature can be very cruel and cause the pregnancy to be interrupted, against the decision and will of the mother. Statistics confirm this: 1 in 3 pregnancies do not reach term.

Miscarriages, as common as they are, are mostly unwanted. The loss of the fetus is experienced as the death of a child, with a whole process of mourning behind it. Psychotherapy after a miscarriage can help women who have suffered one to overcome this tragic event.

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Psychotherapy after a miscarriage

Abortion can be one of the most traumatic events in a woman's life. This event has real psychological consequences for women, especially in the case of spontaneous abortion, in which The pregnant woman had made some expectations of what her son was going to be like, what she was going to need and how she was going to change her life.

This type of abortion is very painful and the mother must be cared for so that her mental health does not worsen.. Unfortunately, many women are neglected by relatives and acquaintances, perhaps because of the belief that losing an unborn child is less painful than a born one.

The woman experiences a whole series of emotions and feelings due to her loss: sadness, pain, anger, feelings of inadequacy, fear of never being a mother, fear of not being fertile, disagreements with the couple and relatives... Added to these emotions, is it so also the hormonal changes that have occurred in the woman's body, which was preparing for the child that will no longer come.

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Abortion: a vital crisis

Every abortion represents a before and after in the woman's life, regardless of whether it was provoked or occurred spontaneously. However, spontaneous or natural abortion is especially critical, because the woman, who had formed expectations about her future child, suddenly discovers that she is no longer going to give birth to a child. Although the little one has not been born, it is experienced as a full-fledged loss and begins a grieving process to try to manage it.

Miscarriage is a very difficult situation for those who suffer from it. The pain caused by these events has no expiration date, time does not always heal wounds. That is why psychotherapy after an abortion of this type is so important, even more so if the tragic event occurs. in a very advanced state of pregnancy and all kinds of expectations had been created about what the pregnancy was going to be like. baby.

But we should not think that if the abortion has occurred during the first months of pregnancy it will not be suffered. For a very short time that she had known it, the woman had already gotten used to the idea of ​​being a mother and, suddenly, she has to get used to the idea that she is no longer going to be. All the illusions that had been formed suddenly fall like a house of cards, and this hurts, a lot.

One third of pregnancies do not reach term. Spontaneous abortion is natural, common, it is part of the vital reproductive process. In the same way that not all seeds germinate, not all pregnancies come to an end. This may help those who have had a miscarriage that was not their fault, which are things that happen. However, and despite the fact that many women have spontaneous abortions throughout their lives, this fact does not prevent many from experiencing it with great pain. Because, as common as it is, its suffering should not be underestimated.

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Psychological help to overcome an abortion

A woman who has suffered a miscarriage is a mother. We should not think that, when the abortion occurs in the first weeks of pregnancy, being an early loss, it should be denied and continue with life as if absolutely nothing had happened. Of course something has happened, the mother has just lost a son who, although it had been a very short time since she knew she was pregnant, she got used to the idea that she was going to give birth. But now You have to get used to the idea that in the end it's not going to be like that.

If postpartum depression is rarely recognized both by the social environment and by the mothers themselves, that which arises because of having lost an unborn child is even less so. The belief is that since there has been no baby, there is no death to overcome. Many people, including obstetricians, go so far as to deny the need to overcome miscarriage as the tragedy that it is.

Women who have experienced a miscarriage require psychotherapy to overcome it. What these mothers need are empathetic professionals, who do not judge them, do not infantilize or blame them. Professionals who understand that they are not dealing with a woman who has simply stopped being pregnant, but a mother who has lost her son and with him all the illusions that she had about how she was going to be the baby.

Psychotherapy after a miscarriage uses various techniques and currents of clinical psychology to help women who have had to go through this hard setback in their lives. Among the main techniques to overcome her grief we have:

1. EMDR

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) It is one of the most used techniques for traumas and duels., which is why it is so useful in the psychological treatment of spontaneous abortions because these are extremely traumatic experiences. Through EMDR, the healing and overcoming mechanisms available to the patient are stimulated. The idea is to get him to overcome the situation both cognitively and emotionally and physically.

2. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy cannot be lacking in the approach to any psychological problem, especially since it is the one that has the most empirical evidence to support its use and benefits. With her the woman can be made to overcome the trauma through a new vision of the spontaneous abortion that she has suffered.

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3. Internal Family Systems Model

In the internal family systems model, you work with the different parts of the mind of the family. patient, especially those related to the trauma of having undergone an abortion spontaneous.

4. Sensorimotor Therapy

Sensorimotor therapy, along with EMDR, is considered to be one of the most appropriate techniques for overcoming the trauma associated with miscarriage. With her the patient is helped to overcome bodily memories and what she has not been able to express because she seems too disturbed or because she cannot access it consciously. Sensorimotor therapy works with the body to free it from the burdens of a terminated pregnancy.

What to do if I have suffered an abortion?

Apart from going to psychotherapy, there are several recommendations for all women who have suffered a abortion, tips that can also be used for your family and partner to prevent the worsening of the situation.

1. support and understand

All women who have experienced a miscarriage need support and understanding. The worst thing her partner can do when this tragic event has occurred is to play blame games or treat the problem as something not so serious.

Each person feels grief in a unique way. No one expects that their child will not be born, an event for which one is never sufficiently prepared. The illusions of having a baby overcome the rational thought that she might not be born and, sadly, when this happens, she suffers a lot.

Both the woman who has stopped being pregnant and the father require support, empathy, understanding, trust and closeness.

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2. let time pass

As we said before, time does not always heal wounds. Nevertheless, grieving takes time, going through some phases and not getting ahead of any of them. It is the best way to get the pain to weaken, that the tragic event is managed in the best way that one can, although for this it is advisable to go to psychotherapy to make sure that it is not a duel pathological.

3. do not neglect

The pain felt by the miscarriage can make the mother abandon herself: she stops eating, she stops having relationships, she doesn't sleep well, she doesn't shower... Sadness and depressive symptoms make you neglect yourself, and it's the worst thing you can do. Both she herself and her partner must make an effort to avoid falling into this dangerous spiral of neglect from which it is very difficult to get out. You have to take care of yourself to have good physical and mental health.

4. work the guilt

In addition to sadness and frustration, guilt and shame are two emotions that often arise after having suffered a miscarriage. It is very common for women who go through this event to have ideas such as "I did not take care of myself enough", “I will never be a mother”, “I am not a real woman because I cannot have children”... These thoughts should be worked on in therapy, both individually and with the couple.

5. Don't downplay the situation

Especially for the environment surrounding the woman, it is important not to minimize the situation. It is common that when a spontaneous abortion is suffered there is someone in the social environment of the woman who says phrases such as "you must get over it now", "Focus on a new son", "he never came to be alive, don't worry" and others that, although they are said to try to help the woman, plunge her into misery. They are expressions that invalidate her feelings and what her own body, still that of a pregnant woman, transmits to her..

You shouldn't get stuck in grief, but it doesn't do you any good to try to act as if nothing had happened. Yes, she has passed: she has lost her son. As we have said, a woman who has suffered an abortion is a mother who has lost her baby, and she will experience it as the death of a family member or friend. Her pain and feelings should not be minimized or invalidated.