How to apologize to a young child: 9 tips to know how to do it

Recognizing that we did something wrong and apologizing for it is not easy, and even more so if the person we harm is our own child in the childhood stage. or adolescence, since we may think that doing so will mean losing authority before him, but we are really teaching him the behavior correct.

Parents are role models for their children; they learn from the outside and especially from their parents who are the closest people to them. Therefore, it is essential that our behavior is appropriate if we want yours to be appropriate in the future. By acknowledging to your child that you are aware that you caused harm and that you regret it, you are transmitting the correct way to proceed

Of course, before asking for forgiveness it is important to carry out prior individual work where we observe and value the guilt that we feel in order to transform it into responsibility and thus not transmit this guilt or need to be released to the child. In the same way, to apologize correctly we must acknowledge the damage, but also express that we will try to act better in the future and not make the same mistake.

In this article we will talk about the importance of apologizing to our children and how to do it correctly for them to learn.

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The importance of knowing how to apologize

Apologizing consists of acknowledging that we have done something wrong and expressing to the subject that we will work to act better in the future. Thus, asking for forgiveness is not easy, it is linked to a strong emotional charge from which it is difficult to free ourselves, since we tend to think that by acknowledging the damage and apologizing for it we are placing ourselves in a position of weakness before the other person.

This difficulty in expressing apology increases even more when the subject whom we have harmed is our son, we think that if we recognize a mistake, that we have done something wrong, we are losing authority and that the proper thing when we fail is to act as if any. But contrary to this belief, the correct action when we make a mistake with our children is to apologize, using an appropriate strategy.

It is important to apologize to the child, since at this age they are especially sensitive and notice in our behavior, they learn by imitating us and as such we must act as good models for them. Children understand and are more aware than we sometimes believe, they keep everything; therefore, if faced with something that we have not done well we are not able to recognize it, we are transmitting that the same is not apologize and we also imply that relationships are not valuable since we are not doing anything to fix it.

So expressing apologies does not understand age, since everyone can be wrong, including parents. By asking for forgiveness you are not only modeling apologetic behavior but you are also teaching to identify mistakes, to accept them, to know how to express them to the affected individual and how to improve while maintaining the purpose of not repeating the damage.

By acknowledging our mistakes we are transmitting to our son that nobody is perfect and infallible and that doing something wrong It is not bad, as long as we apologize for it and strive to improve and act in a more correct way in the future.

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How to apologize to our children correctly

Now that we have already mentioned that the proper thing is to recognize when we have acted badly and apologize to our son, We will see how we should do it and what is the correct way so that the child understands and learns well to ask apologies.

1. Do personal work

First, before we apologize, we must reflect on what has happened and work on the feeling of guilt that we may have. The purpose of this pre-processing, of doing your own internal work, is to avoid passing on the child the blame, the need to free us from it and to ask for compassion.

It is normal that we first feel guilty for the damage done, but we have to face this feeling and stop punish ourselves for it, the appropriate thing is to take responsibility for what we did and try to see what was the cause for it to get better. Once we have forgiven ourselves, we can proceed to apologize to the other.

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2. Take responsibility for the damage

It is important that when we make the apology we express that we are responsible for the damage and that we do not blame the child for it. It is not correct to apologize implying that if the other person had acted differently such an event would not have happened. In other words, we cannot express our regret by blaming the other for our bad behavior.

The proper way to apologize is to affirm our mistake and express an improvement. For example, it is not appropriate to say "I'm sorry I yelled at you, but if you had listened to me I would not have done it" is not If you use “buts”, it is more appropriate to communicate “I am sorry for yelling at you, I have become nervous, next time I will act better.

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3. Make an improvement

As we have already seen, to apologize properly it is not enough to recognize the damage, but we must also commit ourselves to improve in the future. In this way we are transmitting to the child that one learns from mistakes and these can help us to know what we should work on and how to achieve a better performance.

4. wait for the right moment

On occasions where the damage is minor, such as accidentally stepping on him, it is proper to apologize instantly, but in other circumstances where the problem has been greater, it is recommended to take some time to reflect and be able to express apologies correctly. We will also allow the child to calm down and the situation to calm down.

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5. Make sure your verbal and body language are appropriate

When we talk to children it is essential that our posture and our body language in general are consistent with what we transmit so that they understand it better, adapting our posture to it. He can help us get up to his level to look him in the eye, thus making sure that we capture his attention and he listens to us, speak to him slowly, using words that he understands and that he really perceives that we are sorry and that we are offering him an apology true.

6. Tell him why you apologize

We should not assume that the other person knows why we are apologizing, and more so in the case of children.. It is essential for him to understand and learn correctly that we express to him why we are asking for forgiveness, what was the behavior that we did wrong and for which we are sorry and link it with the cause that caused it gender.

This does not imply trying to justify your behavior, but it is positive to communicate how you feel. you felt so that he understands it better and it is useful for him to identify his own sensations and give them Name.

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7. give him freedom

Like is logic, we cannot force anyone to accept our forgiveness, even if this is our son. When we apologize it is not with the intention of feeling liberated or feeling better looking for our own benefit, but rather we do it thinking of the other person. The goal of asking for forgiveness should be the act as such.

So, we will communicate our apology and let the child process the situation, it may not be received well at first, but end up accepting them, let him take his time as we have done before.

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8. Apologize when applicable

It is necessary to show our apologies, but whenever it is pertinent. In other words, continually saying sorry is also not appropriate, since the word or act loses its importance and meaning.

9. Express how we feel after asking for forgiveness

Just as we communicate why we are apologizing and what caused our misconduct, it is also helpful to express how we feel after apologizing. Thus we are also reinforcing the idea that apologizing is positive and generates a good feeling in you and gives you peace.

Presenting it as something positive and that produces good consequences increases the possibility that in the future the child will use and perform such behavior, that is, apologize.

The correct way to apologize

Thus, the correct way to apologize to our son would be: first to process and reflect on the situation and forgive oneself, transforming guilt into responsibility; then we express regret choosing the best time and with the right words; we must communicate why we do it, what is the cause of the apology, what caused such damage and how we intend to improve in the future; and later we make known how we feel now and make sure that the child has understood the message.