This is how anxiety problems caused by emotional dependence are

Emotional dependency is an emotional alteration that can greatly wear down the quality of life of those who suffer from it, or even become a psychopathology in some cases. This phenomenon arises relatively frequently in the context of relationships, which is why it often appears in the context of couples therapy as one of the main problems that affect marriages and courtships

This type of dependency is characterized by a constant search for affection, love or approval of the person(s) of depended on, and during its course a series of elements that generate stress, discomfort or anxiety. In this article we will focus on this last aspect, that is, anxiety problems caused by the dynamics of emotional dependency.

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What are the main anxiety problems caused by emotional dependence?

This is a brief list of the most common ways in which emotional dependence is mixed with anxiety problems, generating a vicious circle in which both elements reinforce each other mutually. For this, we will take as an example the relationships of a couple.

1. panic to abandon

One of the main symptoms suffered by people with emotional dependency is a permanent fear of being rejected by their partners and the subsequent conviction that once abandoned, they will never be able to find anyone else.

This is one of the thoughts that generate more anxiety in emotional dependency, the constant idea that our partner will leave us at any moment and that we will not be able to do anything to avoid it.

In the same way, the reasons that the person considers to be abandoned can be varied and do not always correspond to reality. Some of these reasons can be an argument, making a specific mistake of any kind, no matter how small, or an unfortunate comment.

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2. Believing that one's own happiness depends on the other person

In addition to the fear of rejection or abandonment, people with emotional dependence often believe that their own happiness depends on the other person; that is why they seek your company and affection at all times, entering a state of hypervigilance and trying to perfectly control his own actions so as not to get out of line with what he is supposed to be acceptable. They believe that it is not just a constant struggle to maintain the relationship, but to maintain their own psychological integrity..

This obsessive and irrational thinking is closely related to the fear of loneliness and the belief that if their partner leaves them they will never be able to find love.

All these recurring thoughts are great generators of anxiety and in the long run have a very negative influence on the mental health of the person.

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3. Believing that it is not enough

The recurring belief that deep down one is not enough for the other person is another of the most common dynamics in the daily life of people who have emotional dependency. It makes the emotionally dependent person feel that they must constantly "compensate" the other for staying by their side. Of course, the fact of assuming this load generates a lot of stress and anxiety, since it hardly gives time to relax or to dedicate moments to oneself.

On the other hand, this feeling contributes to lowering their self-esteem levels, causing a feedback effect.

4. fear of making decisions

Another of the most common sources of anxiety and discomfort in people who present cases of emotional dependence is a total refusal to make decisions about anything that affects both of them.

This is explained by the fear of failure, by believe that the other member of the couple will do better and that they have better criteria to choose for both. "My criteria have no value, I think I'm boring... so, if you don't like what I propose, you can get tired of me and leave me”. But since in many situations it is necessary for you to choose yourself (for example, if the other person is busy), this leads to situations of great anxiety.

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5. total submission

This renunciation of making any type of decision is also related to a total and absolute submission to the other member of the couple on whom one is emotionally dependent.

People with emotional dependency tend to systematically accept any request, demand or initiative that comes from your partner without questioning or discussing it at any time for fear of generating any anger or conflict. And the fact of knowing that they won't be able to say no, makes them unable to relax almost never, because unforeseen requests can arise at any time.

6. Constant need for affection

The elements mentioned above can be summed up in the constant need for affection and love from their partners that people with emotional dependency feel. You need to be certain that the other person continues to feel affection or love towards you, since the value of the person with emotional dependency is always in question. Events such as "he said goodbye to me earlier than usual today" can generate thoughts of the type "he doesn't love me anymore", and that triggers a cloud of ruminations that never ends causing us to have impulsive approach behaviors or harassment. Have you ever been told "you're a bore"? It is your anxiety that is acting for you.

This daily and permanent search can have a very negative effect on your mental health and contributes to generating states of anxiety sustained over time for years.

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Do you want professional psychological help?

If you have felt identified, we can talk about it and work point by point how to get out of this situation of suffering. You deserve a life worth living.

If you are looking for individual psychotherapeutic support or for couples, I invite you to contact me. My name is Leticia Martinez Val and I attend adults and adolescents either in my office located in Zaragoza or online.