How to help your partner overcome an addiction

Having a partner with an addiction problem is not easy. Addiction problems are among the most serious and disabling types of psychological problems. Addictions destroy the lives of millions of people every year.

And not only the person who develops the problem of addictive behavior suffers, but also the people around him.

In this article I will give you some basic guidelines to help your partner overcome his addiction.

• Related article: "The 14 most important types of addictions"

Helping your partner cope with and overcome an addiction

Keep these tips in mind to make it easier for the addiction to fade.

1. put empathy

Suffering from an addiction is hard, but living with a person with an addiction can be the same or worse. It is a situation that can cause a lot of frustration, helplessness, suffering in family, partner and friends.

Therefore, it is common for close people to end up exploding under so much pressure and make the mistake of judging too much. Yes, the person is responsible for their decisions, but we must understand that addiction consists precisely in the fact that the person loses control over their consumption behaviors.

If your partner suffers from addiction and you want to help him overcome it, the first thing you need is to understand his problem. The family and the couple are usually an essential aspect in addiction recovery processes. Support and understanding are very important.

With this I am not saying that one has to resign oneself to "put up with anything". Later in this article I will talk about limits.

• You may be interested: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the place of the other"

2. Respect your rhythm

We would all like there to be a green button that, when pressed, would instantly solve all of our partner's addiction problems. Unfortunately, it is a complex process, and relapses are a (bitter) part of the process.

It takes most people many months (even years) to overcome an addictive behavior problem. We must adjust our expectations, be aware that it is a complex and long process, and it is very possible that there will be relapses along the way.

It is important reinforce the first advances, even if they seem small. Small commitments and efforts, small changes in the day to day, going back to activities from the past, exercising, going back to study, etc.

If your partner suffers a relapse after having proposed to stop using or reduce consumption, your support will be essential. Encourage him to vent his frustration and difficulties, encourage him to continue telling you the truth (instead of lying to you and hiding the consumption), help him to focus on his progress and to learn small things from relapses (in order to avoid them in the future).

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3. set an example

Unfortunately, I have met parents who wanted their teenagers to quit smoking (when they had been smoking all their lives). smoking in front of them), or of people drinking alcohol normally in front of their partner who was trying to get over the alcoholism.

It may seem obvious, but it does not hurt to repeat it: the example we set is important. It's not everything, but it's important.

When our partner has identified the factors and situations that promote their desire to consume (or carry any type of addictive behavior), he will need our support to avoid certain stimuli or even places.

This, in many cases, can be social events, "party" environments, consumption of other substances (almost always alcohol), etc.

If, for example, if our partner used to use cocaine after consuming alcohol, it would not be wise to start drink wine during our romantic dinner (and arouse his desire to consume alcohol) at the beginning of his phase of detox.

The best thing you can do is encourage healthy activities that are incompatible with their addictive behaviors.

• You may be interested: "What is the relationship between trauma and addictions?"

4. mark limits

Love cannot do everything. As much as we love a person, that will not justify certain extremes or even situations of psychological abuse.. Unfortunately, some people only change when they are forced to by the context. For example, when they are given an ultimatum, when they see that they are at real risk of losing their partner, their children, etc.

If living with that person is hurting you a lot and has reached a point that you can no longer stand... it is not mandatory that you stay with that person. You did what you could, and your mental health should always come first.

As I explained before, overcoming an addiction is not a matter of one day to the next, of deciding and that's it. Do not demand that your partner stop the addictive behavior immediately, because if he has not done so by now, it is because he does not know how to do that.

Yes, you have every right in the world to ask him to start working on his addiction problems with a professional. If he decides not to, and you feel unhappy around him, you can leave. And you may be doing him a long-term favor by making him rethink his life and at some point decide to seek professional help and make lifestyle changes.

• Related article: "Assertiveness: 5 basic habits to improve communication"

5. You can't replace a professional

As much as you love him, you cannot be his psychologist or his psychiatrist. All your efforts should be devoted to encouraging your partner to see an addiction professional, with enough training to help them overcome such a complex problem.

First they will evaluate the case, they will analyze the consumption habits of the person, how the addiction developed and how it evolved with the years, your previous attempts at solutions, your history of relapse, as well as the emotional problems that maintain the addiction active.

And after the assessment, they will help the person design a relapse prevention strategy and plan, as well as work on the emotional problems that keep the person trapped in the addiction (problems with self-esteem, anxiety, depression, etc.).

The addiction psychologist will also advise loved ones on how to support the person during their process to overcome addiction, how to coordinate, how to behave in case of relapse, etc.

My name is Louis Michael Royal, and I have been working as a psychologist specializing in addictions for several years. I can help you and your partner banish addiction from your lives. Contact me and we will start working as soon as possible.