How do I know if I suffer from Wendy syndrome in my relationships?

Wendy syndrome is one of those signs that regularly sacrificing ourselves for the well-being of others is not it has to be something nice or desirable, especially when we do that at the expense of our physical health or mental. That is why it is important to know if something like this is happening to us.

In this article I will talk about how to detect Wendy syndrome both in couple relationships and in family relationships, such as caring for younger children or nephews.

• Related article: "Fear of rejection: that's how it isolates us from other people"

What is Wendy syndrome?

The term "Wendy syndrome" is used to refer to a pattern of problematic behavior in which a person is seen in the need to constantly satisfy others even if it harms their own most fundamental interests and needs, and that occurs because of the fear of rejection.

In other words, the person who suffers from this problem assumes a role not only of total submission to a person or a group of people who are special to him, but also adopts a very active in this role of satisfying the desires of others and is always alert to the possibility that it will not "measure up" and will cease to be valued or accepted by those to whom it is it serves.

Thus, it is not simply a matter of believing that everything must be sacrificed to make someone happy for the simple fact of doing so (something that would already be problematic, too), but that First of all, we fear the possibility that they will abandon us or reject us.. Due to the nature of this psychological alteration, it occurs above all in relationships or in the behavior of fathers and mothers towards their children, especially when the latter are children or very youths.

Of course, Wendy's syndrome is not considered a mental disorder because it has not been developed in the context of scientific research, but rather in the context of dissemination and journalism. Now, there are some psychological disorders that correspond well with its characteristics, especially Dependent Personality Disorder. But it must be taken into account that the diagnosis of this pathology is only carried out by mental health professionals, and that in addition, to consider that is present in a person, several specific criteria must be met that are not met by everyone who suffers from dependency problems and fear of abandonment.

• You may be interested: "Borderline Personality Disorder: causes, symptoms and treatment"

How can you tell if Wendy syndrome is affecting me?

As I have advanced, there is no concrete way to define the distinction between "good mental health", on the one hand, and "Wendy's syndrome", on the other. the other, because the latter has not been described in detail in diagnostic manuals or defined exactly from the consensus scientific.

Therefore, to know if you suffer from something that can be considered "Wendy's syndrome" basically what you have to do is ask yourself if the dynamics of relationships with others are weighing us down to the fear of abandonment or rejection, or, on the contrary, we support these people rather because of how good this fact makes you feel. To better guide you in this task of self-reflection, I will leave you with several guidelines and questions to consider. Obviously, all these "red flags" do not have to be met for you to have a problem of this kind.

1. Do you notice that gender roles pressure you to take care of others?

The "Wendy syndrome" It is named after Wendy Darling, a fictional character from the Peter Pan story. that, despite the fact that at the beginning of the narration she is characterized by not wanting to grow up and become an adult, when traveling to the world of Never She never happens to constantly take care of the Lost Boys, even though she's not even of age and she can't do it at all. terms.

This is not accidental; the Peter Pan syndrome feeds heavily on the gender roles of the devoted mother and wife, which in many cases are even interchangeable and defined for the task of "being there" for the rest of the people, helping them and solving their problems even if they do not ask for it, thinking in advance for the the rest. That is why women tend to more easily assume that they must serve even if no favor is asked of them, because it is what is expected of them in the domestic context.

• Related article: "5 examples of gender roles (and their effects on society)"

2. Have you assumed that you cannot be happy without your “better half”?

In couple relationships, Wendy syndrome can manifest itself through the belief that once the love relationship you are in has begun, you can no longer be happy apart from that person. Its about half orange myth, as if both of you happened to form a single living being.

This idea is so harmful that it drags us towards the desperate fulfillment of all the requirements that we think we have to fulfill so that the other person does not move away from us. That is, we put her in a situation where she can blackmail us (and it is worse if the other person realizes this and takes advantage of it with their own ends in mind).

3. Do you have obsessive thoughts anticipating that it will go away?

In the most extreme cases, the fear of abandonment it is reflected in intrusive thoughts related to rejection or the idea that that person is going to leave our lives. It is also common that nightmares often arise on this subject.

• Related article: "Obsessive thoughts: why they appear and how to fight them"

4. Does the possibility of him getting mad at you terrify you?

Beyond cases of abuse in which anger may precede physical or verbal attacks, it may happen that Even if the other person doesn't usually get very angry or hostile toward us when that happens, we're terrified of making them feel that way.. For this reason, behaviors of checking and constant verification arise that everything is fine and that they have no reason to bother with us. This is so exhausting that it leads to an almost constant build-up of stress and trouble sleeping well.

• You may be interested: "Low selfsteem? When you become your own worst enemy

Do you want to have psychological assistance and learn to better manage your relationships?

If you are interested in having professional psychological support to overcome your fear of rejection, strengthen your self-esteem and learn to relate in a healthy and fluid way with others, get in touch with me.

My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia and I am a psychologist specialized in the cognitive behavioral model; I work for individuals who need help, as well as with couples and even company groups. In addition, the sessions can be carried out both in person and through the online format by video call.