Anger: a very common emotion

Have you been told that your angry reactions frighten others?

"I feel like I'm losing control" is one of the explanations we give when we have anger issues. Blows, shouts and offenses are presented as reactions to the frustrations that life brings, affecting the main areas of everyday life: the sentimental, the social, the family area, and not to mention the area labor.

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understanding anger

Anger is an emotion; when this happens comes the guilt, but in most cases guilt and willpower are not enough motivators to change the situation that hurts us emotionally.

Impulsivity is the path that goes from when we feel the emotion of anger until the reaction with aggressiveness occurs. We do not have time to have more data before interpreting the moment: we are victims of the need to vent emotional and physical discomfort.

On the one hand, the interpretation we make of the facts is negative, leading to some uncomfortable emotions. A physical activation occurs with altered breathing, increased palpitations, immediate blood segregation to our extremities, and therefore heat and sweating. These emotional and bodily discomforts are regulated by exploiting anger. So impulsiveness is necessary for immediate reactions to anger.

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The importance of attending to emotions

But, as for uncomfortable emotions... What is the emotion that we actually feel? Identifying personal emotions is a path that involves training. Being aware of our emotions is not common in our culture, on the contrary, we know and practice more emotional avoidance than being aware of them, and even more uncomfortable ones such as sadness, fear...

However, the reality is that we feel a variety of emotions and on some special occasions they all come at the same time and we cannot decipher them. Then we hear the typical question: How do you feel? With the typical response: "I don't know, very angry."

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Learning to learn from anger

Emotions are physical and psychological reactions to specific stimuli, and have the function of identify each situation to allow us to adapt and survive and in the face of a dangerous moment. What better than reacting with the emotion that best suits the moment, that obtains the most results, the most accepted and approved by the environment? Yes, the anger! This is the quintessential emotion used to get immediate results.

Who does not run at the sound of a cry, who does not act when seeing someone in anger? In most cases, the receiver's reaction is immediate, answers are usually obtained instantly. But is ours the best way to behave? We see how many adults go to therapy for anger management and to learn assertive communication, since interpersonal problems are not long in coming (and sometimes with irreparable consequences).

Many times we show ourselves with the wrong emotion, the emotion that par excellence has worked for us. solve problems, to be heard, cared for, so that people stop acting or act like we want. However, this situation can bring us confusion, interpersonal problems, and on many occasions anxiety, since there would be no coherence between what we feel and how we react.

Identifying if what we really feel ("is sadness and not anger, pain and not anger, fear and not anger...") it is learning through training with personal introspection until achieving consciousness emotional.

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learning to manage anger

Nowadays, several techniques are used to achieve a good identification of emotions.; among them is the Mindfulness and emotional validation. The latter should be used from infancy so that we are allowed to cry, be sad or be afraid at an early age and not have difficulties with emotions later on.

Modeling is the best form of learning. Just as our father figures reacted, it is usually the way we react emotionally to frustrating stimuli. They taught us that anger makes us look strong and brave, that men do not cry or are afraid, that children should fear their parents so that they are obedient and firm.

We tend to repeat these behaviors; however, we are rational beings and we can choose to be different from our upbringing.

Through a psychological treatment we can learn not to need immediate reinforcements, rather to obtain a good result in the medium and long-term to enjoy family, sentimental, work and social dynamics more healthy.