Salvador syndrome: what it is, symptoms and possible causes

Ideally, human relationships should be based on reciprocity. Whether with a partner, friends or family, we should all support, care for and help each other. Sometimes, we are the ones who help, and other times it is others who help us. This mentality is essential for the social fabric to work, sewn with altruism.

However, there are people who take this to the extreme. It is not that they do not help, but that they help so much that they do not allow others to be autonomous or independent, while in turn they sacrifice themselves so much that they neglect their interests, desires and wills. Their desire to be saviors of others falls into the pathological.

Here we will talk about the savior syndrome, a condition that manifests itself in the form of excessively dependent relationships, of support and unidirectional altruism that harms both the helped and the one who helps.

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What is savior syndrome?

Doing things for others is fundamental to our species and it could be said that altruism is what sews the social fabric together. Human beings are gregarious animals that live in society, and for such a society to work it is necessary that we help each other. This idea

takes a much more concrete form with our most direct relationships, such as our partner, family, friends, children... With them, "today for you, tomorrow for me" is clear and practical.

Human relations are based on the reciprocity of mutual help. In fact, it is thanks to this idea of ​​helping each other that our species has been able to survive throughout its history. Offering selfless help to others makes the people helped more likely to help us in future situations of need. Altruism, applied especially to our closest group, supposes protection and prevents possible dangers.

However, there are people whose behavior goes beyond altruism and the simple desire to want to help their loved ones. This people they assume the responsibility of helping others continuously, solving all their problems to such an extent that they forget their own needs. This desire to be the savior of others does not really help personally because their attempt to support and protect other people is so intense that it means limiting their autonomy and freedom. His overprotectiveness is suffocating.

This way of helping others while ignoring one's own needs, this unilateral support is called the savior syndrome or the Saint Bernard dog. This dysfunctional dynamic usually occurs in relationships, although it is not uncommon between parents and children. It can be seen with the typical case of parents with young children to whom they solve their whole lives, cooking or doing their laundry despite being in their twenties. We also see it in the opposite direction, with children whose parents have already retired who treat them as if they were invalid old people and do all their errands for them.

Thus, we could summarize the behavior of a person with the savior syndrome as that he always comes to the rescue of others, but never of himself. The Savior never leaves the person who claims to care the possibility of facing and solving their own problems, nor does it allow them to take an active role in their own life. He may disguise it as love, but the reality is that letting the other be an autonomous, free and independent individual is not giving love, but invalidation.

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Causes of this syndrome

The savior syndrome can be due to several factors, being among them the characteristics of personality, educational styles received, demands of society and type of people with whom we interact. Rescuers often have a pathological need for approval and acceptance from others, punctuated by the belief that, with his attitude, he ensures the position of indispensable person for the one whom he save.

It is also worth mentioning that rescuers may show a pathological need for control. The savior feels that since others need him and depend on him for help, he has power over them. He feels that he can control them with your support.

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Profile of the savior and the bran

In the savior syndrome there are at least two people involved: the savior himself and the person he saves, that is, the saved. They are codependent relationships in which both are "good" for the other to be by their side. People with savior syndrome assume and solve the problems of others, needing to feel essential to give meaning to their existence. When they can't help other people, they feel extremely frustrated, unappreciated, and lost. That is why they need to find a person who requires their care.

savior

Many Saviors Possess Controlling Traits. In general, they do not trust the problem-solving ability of the people they pretend to care for, so they prefer to take care of themselves under the pretext that they want to help.

As we were commenting, in many cases, behind this interest in protecting and helping others, there is a need for control. While the saved requires to be protected and cared for, the rescuer will be able to control him, and he will not run the risk of being abandoned.

Ironically, in their pathological attempt to help, support and solve the lives of others, people who take on the role of saviors they have a deep fear of facing their own conflicts, shortcomings and shortcomings.

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Saved

In the case of the saved person, we have an individual with a very dependent personality, accompanied by low self-esteem and low self-confidence. They are usually people who have a hard time leaving their comfort zone and have a very strong locus of control. externalized, that is, attributes what happens to external factors that do not depend on them, but to the behavior of others.

Saved people think that they do not have the power to change their situation nor are they masters of their own lives. They feel that they need to have “stronger” people by their side, more self-confident, someone who helps them in everything.

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Symptoms and Effects of El Salvador Syndrome

Both the person with savior syndrome and the person he saves suffer from the negative consequences associated with these dysfunctional relational dynamics. That one assumes the responsibilities of others and the other does not take control of his life generates a dynamic of extreme dependence, having several negative effects that, in general, affect the rescuer more than the saved. If the saved person manages to acquire greater autonomy, the rescuer feels that he is losing his function or that he has even lost his sense of life..

Naturally, the rescued person suffers the negative effects of this very unhealthy relational dynamic. Being freed from his own responsibilities and problems makes it difficult for him to develop as a person. independent, autonomous and learn problem-solving skills because there is someone who solves them absolutely everything. This also makes it difficult for him to develop self-confidence.

The savior does not develop either because, by being aware of solving the lives of others, he neglects himself. She devotes all of his attention and energy to solving the lives of others, solving his problems, not his or her own. That is to say, the situation arises in which the rescuer, by helping others more than necessary, neglects himself and does not solve his own problems, so he does not develop; while the saved is not allowed to solve his own problems, so he does not develop. It's ironic because he offers and receives a lot of help, but it causes them to harm each other.

On the other hand, the savior's ability to control is not always assured, since there are some circumstances that can make the savior The rescuer decides to be more autonomous and begins to want greater independence, dispensing with the help or even the presence of the rescuer. this savior, feeling that he is no longer needed by the one he helped and protected, he begins to feel lost and she suffers from it with depressive symptoms.

This is seen a lot with some couples. Many times, they go to psychotherapy because the saved person becomes aware of his problem and decides to seek professional help to take an active role in his own life. The rescuer, on the other hand, is scared and uncomfortable with the new course of the relationship., going so far as to say that he does not like his partner that way. The rescuer begins to feel insecure, fearful of losing his role in the relationship, becomes depressed or ends up breaking the relationship, if it has not already been broken by collecting the saved greater autonomy and deciding break it

People who suffer from savior syndrome base their happiness on that of the people they help, forgetting their own desires, motivations, needs. Their own way of behaving prevents them from having the kind of life they really want, so they are victims of negative emotions very often, such as anxiety and frustration for a satisfaction that never fully comes. People with the savior syndrome, far from having a full life by helping others, often feel deeply sad, angry and exhausted mentally and physically, but their fear of not being valued or helpful prevents them from breaking this dynamic.