How to face the migratory duel? 6 useful tips

Leaving our hometown, either of our own free will or because we are forced to, is not easy even leaving aside the bureaucratic process involved, even though we know that the purpose of the change is to increase our quality of lifetime. The existence of migratory grief is the best example of this.

Migratory grief is understood as a feeling of loss and discomfort when the subject emigrates to settle in another place. The symptoms that appear are similar to those presented when we lose a loved one, such as sadness, problems sleeping and eating, or difficulty concentrating. Similarly, in order to overcome the loss, it is necessary to go through a grieving process consisting of different stages.

In this article you will know better how to manage immigration grief adopting psychologically effective strategies.

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What is the migratory duel?

It is easy to intuit how the concept is defined if we value the two terms that form it. By mourning we understand the sensation, state, that appears in a situation of loss, each subject will experience it in a different way, being able to present different symptoms, both physical and emotional. If we focus on the second migratory term, this is used when an individual leaves their place of residence to settle in another.

In this way, migratory grief refers to the feeling of loss, of discomfort that arises in some individuals after leaving their place of origin. And it is that the reasons for making the decision to leave and go to another country can be very varied, almost always having the objective of living better in the new city, but despite achieving a better quality of life, the subject may feel a sense of longing, of missing their hometown. origin... or even another class of emotional alterations that are more intense and qualitatively different from the experience of missing what that person leaves behind.

What's more, if we have been forced to leave due to a context of great economic precariousness or fleeing from a war or a process of persecution of minorities, the experience can be more traumatic, both because of the memories associated with that emigration process, and because of the certainty that you have the option to return easily and at any time to the place you came from if things go wrong in the country of reception.

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Main characteristics of migratory grief

This type of mourning presents basic characteristics of any mourning process. But it also shows some distinctive variables that make it different, such as being a multiple bereavement, the period of appearance of symptoms, and whether it is considered a partial bereavement or a bereavement recurrent.

When we say that it is a multiple grief, we mean that the entity that causes the sensation of loss can be more than one at the same time: for example, culture, language, family, friends, food... Being a feeling towards a space or people that has not really ceased to exist or live (we have only moved away from those elements), it is considered a partial duel, being able to present contradictory sensations and desires, or even guilt appears for feeling psychologically vulnerable to a problem that we do not easily identify, which makes us feel bad about ourselves for considering ourselves, erroneously, "too lazy" or "weak".

On the other hand, also is a recurring duel, since there are different actions, situations... that can cause the subject to return to the feeling of loss, such as talk to his mother by video call, see images of his childhood home, hear him talk or go visit for a few days and see how his friends have aged...

Finally, it is common for this discomfort or experience of loss to appear some time after it occurs, given that normally the first months after the transfer the subject is busy with paperwork, in settling down or with other tasks that keep you distracted, it is for this reason that this duel is also known as “mal de the 6 months”.

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Symptoms of migratory grief

As we have already seen, this type of duel can display variables similar to other loss processes. Below we will see some of them so that you can identify them in time if you find yourself in this situation and prevent further damage.

• You are most of the time and most days sad.
• You feel anger, you are continually complaining about the new place of residence.
• You feel alone and notice that you do not have the people you consider important by your side.
• You do nothing but work and you don't feel adapted to the new city.
• You feel that you have betrayed or abandoned the people around you or you feel lost.
• You are not knowing how to act in the new city.

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Stages of migratory grief

In the same way that happens before the death of a loved one, the subject goes through different stages before managing to overcome the loss.. Even so, it must be taken into account that not all the phases appear the same in all individuals, nor is it necessary that they all always appear. It is also possible to go back, since, as we have said before, the feeling of mourning is recurrent.

The first phase that can occur consists of the denial of the migratory mourning, the subject acts as if nothing had happened, as if the loss had not happened or is not trying to adapt to the new place; subsequently, the phase of rationality of the situation can occur where the individual becomes aware of the loss that this entails and that he needs to adapt.

The migration can also lead to a phase of anger for having made the decision to migrate and anger at how things are going, it is difficult to adapt. It will be essential to control this phrase so that it does not get complicated, preventing you from having a good experience in the new place.

Another phase that can appear in the process is the feeling of fear; this is normal in small amounts since it allows us to stay alert and be prepared for unforeseen events, but if it is very intense, irrational, it can affect our functioning, causing us to stop acting, doing things and fulfilling our objectives for fear of what You can pass. This experience of fear can occur before, during or after migration.

The next phase involves both emotional and cognitive acceptance of the loss.. Once we have accepted the loss, it is easier to see with perspective how we feel and make a balance of what has hurt us and of everything we have learned and the good that the change. This is the only way to prosperously link the previous life with the current one, without having to reject either one.

Finally, if we have overcome the different phases and have accepted the situation, the last stage usually consists of the creation of new bonds, relationships, to optimally start a new life. In some cases, it has been observed that the individual, once adapted to the new culture, can reject his own, the one from which he came, although this behavior is not the most frequent.

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How to face the migratory duel in a favorable way

Now that we know the different stages we can go through during immigration grief, it is useful to know what strategies or techniques can help us to make these happen in a more favorable way and have less impact on our functionality.

1. Consider the situation as a way of development and growth

This strategy is linked to the well-known saying “see the glass half full or half empty”, that is to say that it depends on how we see the situation or what perspective we take, it may be more or less easy to accept it. So if we see it as an opportunity to grow and learn new things, it will be less difficult to adapt to it and overcome the duel sooner.

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2. Keep expectations realistic

It is true that the main objective of migration is to achieve a better quality of life, but it is not we must idealize the country to which we are going, since in this way it will be very unlikely, not to say impossible, meet our expectations, thus increasing the possibility of feeling disappointed or sad.

3. allow yourself to feel

As in any process, in order to overcome it, it is necessary not to avoid or deny what you feel, even if it costs us at the moment, it is better that we allow ourselves to feel fear, sadness... to be able to start working with them and to be able to place it correctly in our lifetime. Faced with a situation of change of home, of country, it is normal to feel fear, It is a feeling that we must go through to achieve a good adaptation.

4. Do not isolate yourself

Try to meet people, since having social support favors a better process and a better adaptation and knowledge of the culture of the host place. Likewise, if you coincide with subjects who also emigrated from another country, their advice on how they overcame the process can help you and feel that you are not the only one in this situation..

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5. take the time you need

Each person needs a different period to adapt to the new situation, take the time you need and don't feel pressure to be okay, since if you try to speed up the process, it is likely that you will not be able to overcome it correctly.

6. seek professional help

If you notice that the situation is overwhelming you and you feel great discomfort that affects your daily life or your functionality, it is recommended that you seek professional help in psychotherapy. In this way you will achieve an intervention more adapted to your characteristics, with closer support and carried out by someone who knows how to act effectively in this situation.