Being away from home: the psychological keys for Spanish migrants

Migrating is one of the most complex human experiences we can live today. At the same time that it offers us opportunities, learning and a great Personal development, migrating supposes a change of context so profound that it usually causes adaptation difficulties, insecurity, confusion, even a feeling of emptiness or not knowing what decision to make.

The human being is a social animal and we need a context to feel safe. When that context changes, no matter how much it offers us opportunities, it always makes us feel vulnerable in a psychological and emotional sense..

In turn, migration is an increasingly common experience for people from Spain in other European countries or in Latin America. In these experiences flow problems that seemed overcome in all contexts: work, social life, even as a couple. These difficulties are not a result of migrating, rather migrating is a difficult experience that makes it difficult for us to manage everything we feel.

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The migration challenge

In this article we will delve into what they are the most important psychological keys to understand what happens during the migration process and above all, how you can solve these difficulties with your own personal change (and thus not have "return" as the only option).

So that you know who writes to you: my name is Rubén Camacho, and in the last 11 years I have accompanied people as a psychologist and coach in their processes of personal change, either due to problems of confidence, self-esteem, emotional, couple, breakups, or oriented in the labor area (decision making, productivity, labor relations, etc.). During this time I have accompanied many people who migrated and had these difficulties, not only people of Spain abroad, but of other nationalities and in very different destinations (Japan, Australia, etc.).

However, the greatest experience I can give you in this article is not from a series of academic knowledge (that anyone could assimilate) but from my own experience as a migrant. In these 11 years I have migrated and lived in 2 countries (Ecuador and Argentina) and traveled to many others. I have felt the difficulties and the benefits of migration. For this reason I want to turn that experience from psychology so that your experience is more positive and, above all, so that it supposes for you a solution to what happens to you and a learning for all your lifetime.

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The difficulties of adapting to another reality

Until not too long ago, migrating was an exceptional experience. It not only implies being in another context, culture, sometimes language, etc., but that change becomes permanent. It is an adaptive process that requires a psychological change, since first we adapt to this new reality, then the resulting problems flow. of that adaptation, and finally we carry out a process of acculturation (which does not mean that you lose your culture, but that you assimilate the new culture).

Today we migrate much more. We live in a globalized era where on many occasions we find the best job opportunities in other contexts, or perhaps they are personal or sentimental situations that lead you to carry out that change. The important thing is that in this process of drastic change Unpleasant emotions arise from uncertainty, such as insecurity, fear, doubt, or confusion.

These difficulties can arise at any time in your life. However, we have the ability to change the context, take refuge with deep emotional ties (especially friendly or family). abroad we feel a kind of isolation that generates even more uncertainty and insecurity and conditions our decisions, as if we were getting smaller. We are going to see these difficulties one by one to deepen them.

1. Confusion (not knowing what to do or decide)

When we feel confused and have difficulty making decisions, it is a consequence of fear. Faced with the uncertainty we feel when leaving our context and facing difficulties that can condition your future, fear appears trying to protect you. A practical tool of fear is to create doubts. We see the cons of every possible decision and finally we are paralyzed.

As the days go by, the confusion generates a feeling of emptiness or loss of meaning that over time can intensify the migratory experience. However, the problem is not fear, but the way we understand and manage that fear.

In a situation of uncertainty, where you feel that you have fewer resources (emotional, social, cultural, etc.) it makes sense that your fears are more limiting. In turn, it is an opportunity to learn to understand and manage what you feel.

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2. Insecurity and lockdown

insecurity is fear applied to your idea about your own capabilities. Insecurity leads you to think: what if I make this decision and it doesn't turn out well? What if I communicate my limits but they reject or disappoint me? What if I don't know how to face this challenge and my abilities are compromised?

In the face of insecurity, we become paralyzed. But insecurity is also a positive emotion, as it helps you be cautious and make more conscious and thoughtful decisions. However, in the migratory experience it can be transformed into a more intense and limiting insecurity.

3. Anxiety and distress (when the problem continues)

As the problem continues, fear, insecurity, and confusion can lead to anxiety and distress. anxiety is a fear that has become widespread, and in turn, generates a shallow and rapid way of breathing that makes you feel that typical discomfort in the chest. The problem may be related to your partner, work or social relationship, but it always stems from your way of understanding and managing what you feel.

All these difficulties, which are aggravated in the migration process, can cause more and more discomfort, but we cannot change that reality or context (nor are they really the problem) but adaptation is a very drastic process that we have to learn to manage.

The important and most valuable thing about this situation is that it is learning that will serve you throughout your life and in all contexts. On each occasion where I have accompanied a person who had difficulties in their immigration process or with other difficulties who lived as a migrant, the learning and its benefit has resulted over the years and in other contexts and experiences. We are going to see what are the keys to manage this experience and make it totally positive for you.

• Related article: "Emotional management: 10 keys to dominate your emotions"

Keys to manage the migration experience

When we feel anxiety in this migratory experience, we tend to flee. We feel that if we change the context again, the problem will be solved. Doing this implies that you consider that the problem is in the context, and it is a dangerous idea, for the simple reason that it can make future contexts condition your well-being too much.

The key is not in the escape but in learning to be well in a different context. Your ability to adapt will grow and you will be able to feel more secure, make more conscious decisions and bond more deeply with people and the environment. To achieve this change we must solve at the root the internal difficulties that make the migratory experience more unpleasant.

First of all, it is essential learn to understand and manage what you feel. Human beings are emotional beings and they condition you for each action, decision, interpretation, relationship or way of communicating or working. Learning to understand what you feel leads you to recognize your emotions, to discover what you interpret to feel them, how you manage them (through your own behaviors), in such a way that they are more intense, lasting and frequent, and finally learn to manage them functional way so that, instead of so much fear and insecurity, you generate more acceptance and trust, which will lead you to live more decisive.

The second key is to work with your own self-concept. Abroad you are far from what you know and even your personal identity is at stake. This experience can help you get to know yourself, discover what you think of yourself, how you see yourself and how you value yourself. Our identity and self-concept is actually a dynamic idea and changes throughout our lives. Being aware of what you believe about yourself and putting it into play will give you well-being and security.

It is also essential to have a concrete, measurable and observable action plan to make the change you need a reality. Having good intentions, wishes, or simply reflecting on what happens to you can be positive, but if we don't take concrete action, nothing will change. Taking action means that you have a series of different actions that help you manage your mood and how you feel in a more functional way. An action plan gives you commitment, focus, and moves you toward the change you need.

And finally: have expert company, that does not guide or orient you, but that accompanies you in a clean way, so that you can reflect on yourself, discover what you feel and interpret and thus apply the necessary changes in yourself.

A transformative experience

Although migrating is a difficult experience and with time the difficulties seem to grow, at the same time it is a unique opportunity to get to know yourself, discover how you understand and manage what you feel and how you interpret situations, and above all, to initiate changes in you that help you live with more well-being, acceptance, confidence and security with your decisions. It is about being well, wherever you are, in such a way that your well-being depends mainly on you and that change is stable.

The migratory experience is a context that helps you live that process. The problem is not being "out" (in reality, you are always with you) or away from the people you care about (human beings can build important affective ties throughout his life) but the difficulty of that change of context exposes you to difficult situations that were already in you.

It is then a magnificent opportunity to get the change you need and that it is stable, that is, that it not only helps you to be well within your migratory experience, but in the rest of your life and in the face of any difficulty you encounter (personal, work, sentimental, etc.).

The way to live a process of change that has stable results is to do it with perseverance, also with flexibility, but above all work with all parts of your personality: your belief system, your self-esteem, your emotions, your communication, relationships, and your own confidence. Working with all parties and in a deep and practical way (applying specific changes that make you improve your situation from the beginning) you will make the change last, since it will be part of you.

Living a process with only sessions can be fickle or can make you feel that the company is temporary. For this reason, and in my personal case, I do not accompany people only with sessions, but in a constant: every day, for any need you may have, with no consultation limit, with weekly tools and sessions.

If you want to experience this process and solve what is happening to you, feel free to schedule a first exploratory session with me via Whatsapp. In this session we get to know each other, delve into the problem, find a solution and see how I can accompany you. You can schedule this session through this page.

I send you a lot of encouragement, illusion and commitment. Everything will change if the change occurs in you. Go for it.