Learn to identify and deal with emotional dependency

Have you ever felt obsessed with another person? As if it were an addiction. Are you so afraid of separating from someone because you "need him" by your side?

Many times we feel that the relationships we live seem to come out of a pop song... "Without you I am nothing", "you are my life", "I need you by my side" and many other affirmations that define very well a person who is experiencing emotional dependency.

If the affirmations resonate with you, your way of thinking and deciding, this article will interest you and will help you manage your relationships and identify which ones are toxic and which ones are healthy. And the most important; how to work the factors that lead us to dependence.

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What do we understand by emotional dependence?

Emotional dependence is a behavioral and therefore maladaptive addiction, which implies loss of control, impulsiveness, and behavioral maintenance even if it has negative consequences.

A relationship where there is emotional dependency is defined as a toxic relationship, given the repercussions within the relational dynamics and the negative consequences at the personal level. Actions and thoughts are conditioned by the other person; the dependent person always seeks the approval of the other to strengthen the bond.

The dependence it can happen in friends and family, but it is more frequent in affective relationships with a partner. That is why it is very important to be aware of which relationships are healthy and which ones are not convenient for us.

When a relationship is balanced we feel movement in the giving and receiving on both sides. In a healthy relationship we do not need the other person to manage our emotional world or to face the day to day; however, we know that we have your support to share our fears and desires without being judged.

The adaptive support that we offer to the other person within a healthy relationship, reinforces it and makes it freer to choose. On the contrary, in a toxic relationship, he does not encourage her to "stay in the nest" for fear of the dangers of the outside world.

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Causes and factors involved

But... How does a person begin to depend on another emotionally? Why do some people tend to be dependent and others do not?

Some aspects that lead the person to enter into a relationship of emotional dependency are the need to be close to the other person and be the focus of attention to reach personal arousal desired. The need for protection and support is also very common, negatively influencing the self-esteem, identity and general functioning of the dependent person.

these needs they usually appear as a result of a distorted self-concept of oneself, as well as unresolved affective deficiencies that usually trigger a lack of self-esteem and fear of abandonment. In addition, many times we can find in the person's history a significant loss of a personal relationship or a job.

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Identify an emotionally dependent person

When we talk about the characteristics of a dependent person we must bear in mind that all people we are different and we have our own individuality as a result of our personality and experiences lived. Therefore, you do not have to feel all the characteristics to feel that you depend on someone and it is a difficulty in your personal area.

We'll see now the most outstanding characteristics of a dependent person at an affective/emotional level:

• Low self-esteem; poor perception of ourselves that is shown in insecurities towards the relationship.
• Emotional lability; you feel sudden changes in your mood expressing extreme emotions.
• Illusion of control; feeling of control when close to the person and loss of control when not close.
• Overprotection; need to feel protected by the other person, due to a vulnerable perception of oneself.
• Anxiety and obsessive behavior; you feel nervous and cannot stop thinking about the other person when they are far away.
• Fear of abandonment and fear of loneliness; fear that the other person will disappear, even if the relationship makes us feel bad and inability to be alone.
• Lack of empowerment; feeling incapable and incapable of coping with life.

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Manage your own emotional dependency

If you have felt identified with the characteristics of the dependent person, or you think you can work on some relational aspect to bond in a healthier way, pay attention! Next, I explain how to work some of the previous points.

Being with oneself

learn to relate to you. Get to know yourself and learn what satisfies you to do when you are alone. Make plans with yourself and organize pleasant activities that you want to do on your own.

control your fantasies

Identify which emotions are the result of your shortcomings and which thoughts are associated. Perhaps you get disproportionately angry when the other person engages with a third party, for fear of losing the relationship. The act of relating is adaptive and necessary; we are social by nature, but thinking that, by relating to other people, we will lose our relationship is a fantasy built on a base of insecurities and lack of self-esteem.

identify your shortcomings

Once you have realized the disproportionate emotions and how they have created a fantasy where you reflect your insecurities, it's time to work on your shortcomings so as not to reflect them on the other person creating a destructive dynamic.

Work on self-awareness

The first step to relate in a healthy way with our surroundings is get to know each other and understand our way of being and acting. Only through personal growth will we be able to have security and learn to love ourselves, as well as connect freely and honestly.

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Take responsibility without blame

The victim attitude will never favor the assertive adult who feels empowered and self-confident. On the contrary, it favors the child who does not see himself capable of facing life on his own. As adults we have the power to decide what we want to improve or change to feel better, because here and now we are the only ones responsible for our actions and thoughts.

Conclution

Now you know the importance of healthy relationships and what to do if we feel dependent in a relationship. Even if you do not suffer from dependency, knowing it will help the people around you in case they find themselves in this situation.

The secret of healthy relationships is to stop the mind and observe ourselves; the presence of the other person gives us positive feelings and makes us grow on a personal level, although we alone are capable of generating self-esteem and working on our emotional management. A relationship of any kind, as long as it is healthy, adds to and contributes to the relationship we have with ourselves.

Feeling that we need the other person to be strong and face our day to day is emotional dependence. Sometimes it is not necessary to feel identified with all the characteristics mentioned in the article, if not that the feeling that we cannot do it alone is already a symptom of discomfort with oneself, and therefore it is a reason to go to a psychologist who can guide us and accompany us along the way to live in a full and empowered way.

I want to emphasize that this article is an information tool and a resource for personal growth. If you feel that emotional dependency makes it difficult for you and influences your daily life, do not hesitate to seek psychotherapy for guidance and to be able to work on the conflict.

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