How to make obsessive ideas not make us doubt ourselves

A couple stands side by side waiting for the subway to arrive, just behind the security line. The train is arriving, and for a moment, the idea crosses his mind of pushing her girlfriend onto the tracks, which, needless to say, would mean certain death for her.

But he loves her, and he would never consider harming her. Why then did he cross his mind with this idea?

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Understanding obsessive ideas

If our protagonist of the story is a person like many, he will think that one does not always control the things that come to his head, he will not give it much importance, and will continue with his life as forever. Maybe you'll marry your partner next year, or maybe they'll fight and go their separate ways, remembering the relationship in a more or less positive way, but without a single recollection of any violent incident of any kind. type.

If this is from another group, also very numerous, This idea may haunt you for days, months, or even years.

. "Why would I think this? Is it that perhaps I am a potential murderer? Would he be able to do something like that?" In many cases, you may even avoid getting as close as possible to the security line at subway stations, or even try to move as little as possible with your partner using this means of transport, deciding to walk (you may consider it an unwanted waste of time) or using other means, such as taxis or Uber (which undoubtedly means a loss of time). economic).

But we will focus, above all, on the psychological aspects of the matter. Is our protagonist a psychopath? Do you feel impulses that will one day become uncontrollable and push a loved one to certain death? With a certainty that can never be 100% absolute (like everything else), we can say no.

Most likely by far that you are paying more attention than necessary to some intrusive ideas, which are annoying and generate anxiety and feelings of fault.

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The nature of the appearance of thoughts

As stated earlier, one does not permanently control the ideas that come into one's head. But if you can control what you do once these ideas appear.

Some decide not to give it much importance. It may be unpleasant for them to think about something like that for a moment, and then forget about it and carry on as if nothing had happened. Others may, in a desperate attempt to prevent these thoughts from coming true, start endless dialogues in your head to check, over and over again, that you are not what you fear, and that these thoughts are wrong. Looking for "that" answer that leaves them alone.

And many times they find it (after losing considerable time, which could be used for more productive things)... So that later the thought comes even stronger: "What if one day I can't control myself and push my girlfriend to get hit by the train?"

In the same way, great anxiety can appear when he meets his girlfriend waiting for the subway, so he decides avoid this situation, asking for an Uber (which also generates a momentary relief, but does not solve the problem of bottom).

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So what to do in these situations?

Fortunately, there are highly effective treatments. It is not the idea to make a complete review here of how a case of this type would work, but a couple of key concepts can be named.

The main thing, I consider, is to generate an attitude of acceptance before these thoughts.

It may seem counterintuitive, but the endless dialogues one has internally to reduce the anxiety, and making bothersome thoughts go away, in the short term, as we said, you can achieve your task. But in the long term it only reinforces the behavior that, precisely, every time a thought of this type, what must be done is to waste time, again and again, daily, in fighting it with logic. Only for it to keep popping up perpetually.

Similarly, avoiding taking the subway is not going to solve the problem in the long term, and it will surely make us lose money and time.

By accepting that these ideas can come, we take away the power they have over us. The mind constantly communicates things to us, many times, contradictory with each other. It is a useful tool that we have for life, but it is not all that we are. Once the idea appears, instead of starting any ritual, internal or external, or any type of avoidance, what we want to do is accept this idea as something that communicates our mind. Accept, in turn, the anxiety that this generates.

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In conclusion...

It's not bad to feel anxious, it's not bad to have unpleasant thoughts. These are unavoidable things that happen to all of us. What is avoidable is what we do once they appear.

Perhaps this sounds unconvincing, perhaps even counterintuitive. But I invite you to listen to me for a week, and only in this aspect: do not start internal dialogues to find proof that these ideas are wrong. If after a week the anxiety, and the frequency of these ideas decreased, you are on the right track.

As a last point, obsessive ideas and the anxiety they generate are not something that can be “cured”. We can have relapses until the end of our lives, and this is fine. The important thing is the degree to which they affect us in our lives, be it in time, energy, health (of all kinds) and in the pursuit of our goals. In any case, it is possible to live by significantly reducing its effects on us.