8 techniques of couples therapy that you should know

As with any significant social relationship for us, it is necessary to take care of the romantic relationship of a couple if we want it to last and evolve satisfactorily. It is not enough not to fight, we must feel comfortable in it and enjoy the relationship.

In this sense, the most common problems that usually come to consultation in the field of couples are: lack of communication, uncontrolled discussions, jealousy, crisis by infidelity, boredom or monotony in living together, dedicating little quality time to the couple, and conflicts generated indirectly from other conflicts before the political family.

In this article We will see the most useful couple therapy techniques and what benefits do they bring?

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

What is couples therapy?

We know that social relationships can be complicated; sometimes communication problems arise, arguments, a different way of understanding the situation... In the case of couple relationships, it is easy for them to occur these differences, since they are made up of individuals who share a lot of time and many experiences, and who have many responsibilities shared.

Fortunately, when the dynamics of the relationship between the members of the couple becomes unsustainable and the members that make it up are not able to face it, the intervention of a psychology professional helps to improve the state of coexistence and the love bond.

Thus, the main functions of the couple psychologist consist of: identifying what is the problem that affects the couple, what is the mode of action and behavior of the couple, establish and form a new link between the members that make up the relationship, modify the attitudes of the members and the communication established between they.

It is also important to point out that the ultimate goal is to make both individuals better off, not to maintain the relationship. We mean that, in the event that the couple decides to end the relationship and it no longer gives for more, the psychologist will also accompany them so that this process occurs in the best possible way.

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Why go to couples therapy?

The reasons for consultation can be multiple, any affectation that affects the state of the couple.

The most frequent requirement is usually linked to communication problems; the couple is not able to understand each other and talk optimally, this situation can also lead to uncontrolled discussions, this being a way of expression and erroneous communication. Also, another reason may be a lack of time in both members or by one of the two, other activities such as work have an impact on the couple.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Techniques used in couples therapy

A notable feature that can sometimes complicate the intervention is that there are two patients and it is necessary for both to agree to perform the therapy and to be cooperative. Once we know what the main problem is related to the bad situation, we will apply the techniques that are necessary to treat the problem in question.

Let's see, then, what techniques can be useful to us and in what situations it is advisable to use them, with what problems.

1. contingency contract

The contingency contract technique is used as a couple to try to modify behaviors and achieve a more appropriate mode of action and relationship, so that both members of the couple feel according.

In order for the performance of the technique to be effective, it is necessary that the two individuals that form the couple agree and commit to the intervention, both accepting and signing the contract parts. Neither member must show prior privileges, both must earn the rewards, and can be equally punished. The contract must mark the behaviors clearly and specifically pointing out what is the reward and reprimand for not complying.

It is important that the contract is strictly followed and each member of the couple must rate the other and assess the performance. Instead of prizes, equivalent behaviors can also be established, that is, we can mark that one of the members make the bed if the other washes the dishes, so we can also distribute the housework in a balanced.

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2. positive and negative jar

This technique allows us to improve communication and expression of both positive and negative issues.. The procedure is as follows: the couple must use two jars or boxes, in one of them they will write complaints or negative behaviors or that one of the members does not see well; instead, the other will serve to express behaviors that they value positively from their partner.

In this way, as we have said, we make it easier for them to really express how they feel and prevent a simple misunderstanding from leading to a bigger problem. In the same way, the positive jar, where the good actions will be written, also allows us to reinforce the positive actions and give them the recognition they deserve, since on many occasions we only focus on the bad and forget that there are always positive.

• Related article: "12 keys to connect with your partner"

3. Learning in issuing and accepting criticism

Both making and accepting criticism is not easy, since sometimes there is a tendency to attack the other person and act defensively against them. It is important to be aware that we all have the right to express what we do not like and more if we want that the relationship flows and develops properly. Once we understand the need to express them, it is essential to work on how to do it, since depending on our performance it will be more or less easy to get a good response from the receiver (our partner).

Thus, to express ourselves, it helps to choose a good moment, that we know that our partner is more receptive and we have their attention, and communicate calmly, calmly, without getting upset. When we receive criticism, we must address what the complaint is and assess whether there are really reasons that justify it, we must try to reach an agreement with the other person and try to reach a solution that is adequate and accepted by Both.

4. Programming of agreed activities

It is common that when couples have been together for a long time, routine behaviors are established, which do not have to be bad, but it is also necessary to break this routine from time to time. Scheduling enjoyable activities together It will help the couple reconnect and spend quality time together, not just sharing space. The activity consists of each member making a list of the activities that they most want to do with the other and thus be able to choose between the two what plan to do.

5. Couple time management

The couple like any other area of ​​life we ​​must take care of it, being important that we dedicate time to it even if we have other obligations. It is common to have the feeling of needing more hours, since the day does not give us everything, and we may downplay aspects that we do not value as essential. It is essential that we reserve some time to be alone with our partner, to make a weekend getaway week, go to dinner or just spend some time alone at home, the important thing is to give it the attention you deserves.

In the same way, that we are parents or employees, we are also a couple and, therefore, we must work so that this continues favorably.

6. work of sexuality

Sexuality is also an area that can be affected in relationships, a lack of communication or lack of knowledge can make sexual intercourse unsatisfactory for one or for both subjects. It is important that each one express what her wishes are and what behavior will help her enjoy the sexual relationship more., no penetration required.

In this way, we begin a new way of experiencing sexuality, trying exciting behaviors from less to greater intensity, which we will gradually increase. The purpose is not penetration, but that the two members of the couple enjoy the sexual relationship.

7. Solving problems through assertive communication

Problem solving is a technique that can help us increase communication in conflict situations and facilitate their resolution. Although it may seem that raising a problem can cause a fight, if we do it properly, as we have mentioned before, it does not have to generate conflict; it's more, Facing the situation is the only way to get it resolved..

The process is the same as the problem-solving technique used for a single subject, only in this case it will be necessary for both members of the couple to intervene. First we must determine what the problem that requires a solution is, defining all the characteristics linked to it, so that it is more It is easy to carry out the second step, which consists of brainstorming the different alternatives to solve the problematic situation. Once the solution to be applied has been decided between the two, a follow-up is made to see if there is an improvement or not.

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8. Training in constructive discussion

To make the discussion effective and useful it is essential to do it correctly.. If we feel restless, very nervous, that we will not be able to discuss calmly, listening to our partner and expressing our opinions with respect, it is better to cut or avoid the discussion and start it again when we really see ourselves prepared and predisposed to it. To stop a discussion that we are seeing that only worsens the situation, it can be useful to use a keyword that when we say it means the end of the dispute.

Later, more calmly, we will resume the discussion, when we have had time to reflect, clarify our ideas, and think about what we want to say.

Do you want to go to couples therapy?

If you are interested in having psychological assistance for couples, contact us.

In UPAD Psychology and Coaching We can assist you both from individualized psychotherapy and from couples therapy and sexology. Sessions can be held at our center located in Madrid, or online.