How to stop avoiding conflict: 6 practical tips

A conflict is an eventuality or situation where a couple or more people (community, organization, etc.) have different opinions or interests. Many times a conflict can lead to a confrontation, and this, in turn, could generate a problem if an agreement is not reached by both parties.

In this article We will see the usual reasons why some people tend to avoid conflicts and some strategies to overcome this type of fear.

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Why do we avoid dealing with conflict?

There are many people who avoid facing the conflicts they have with others due to the fear they have at the idea of ​​getting involved in uncomfortable situations that end up generating a problem and not a solution. These people tend to think that they can block or make a fool of themselves; That is why they avoid confrontation at all costs.

However, not confronting the fear of conflicts does not make them disappear, much less solve anything, on the contrary, the situation may become much more complicated. The most common fear that we have when facing a conflict is to fall into the discussion, this can happen if we or other people do not adequately handle our negative emotions such as anger, anger, rage, etc.

1. Insecurities and personal complexes

One of the first reasons why we avoid confronting a person is by our own complexes. We think we are going to fail or say something wrong when the time comes and we automatically start thinking negatively, but this only happens in our imagination.

Many people negatively fantasize about their possible actions, which is why they end up not wanting to face the situation and postpone it or prefer to downplay it by minimizing everything.

• Related article: "What are personal insecurities and how can you deal with them?"

2. Belief that the other person is superior

Another possible cause may be that another person is making us feel inferior, by projecting an image of superiority. Many times that projection turns out to be just an erroneous and biased perception of the otherWell, as we know, a human being is not perfect, and very likely that other person also has important weaknesses or deficiencies.

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3. unpleasant past experiences

Finally, it may happen that past experiences that were unfavorable for us by having high expectations end up making us not want to enter into a confrontation.

It is understandable that this situation ends up making us not want to go through the same situation again, but you have to understand that nobody is born learning; those who best handle conflict situations had to learn by making mistakes, and then, having been more exposed to these situations, they acquired more experience by putting into practice more times the activity of asserting their opinions and interests before the the rest.

What to do to stop avoiding conflict?

It is very harmful for people, communities or organizations when a conflict is not resolved, because the problems that generate it become bigger and biggeras well as its negative consequences. If a person does not choose to confront a conflict, he implies that there is neither annoyance, discomfort, or difference of opinion against another, giving the freedom to third parties to be able to do and undo without doing or saying something to the regard. And this generates power imbalances that end up becoming entrenched.

It is of the utmost importance to have an adequate coping with the eventualities that led us to anger, without falling into avoidance. In this way we will learn to have a correct handling of this emotion and express it according to our values ​​and interests. On the contrary, if we do not face these situations, they will end up dominating our behavior in a harmful way.

First of all, it is essential to know how to manage our emotions in the eventualities that are stressful for us, as this will allow us to face them in a more serene way. For example, learning certain simple relaxation techniques can help us.

Likewise, it is important to learn interpersonal skills (empathy, emotional awareness, self-control, negotiation) for conflict management and resolution.

On the other hand, for our interpersonal relationships (family, work, partner, friendships) to be healthy, it is It is essential to know or learn to lose the fear of facing others correctly, appropriately and healthy. And that It is only possible if we leave our comfort zone and we set ourselves goals that, going from the easiest to the most difficult, allow us to learn to make ourselves respected.

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6 tips to overcome the fear of conflict

In order to put aside fears towards the idea of ​​looking conflict situations in the face, it is advisable to use these strategies.

1. In order to face the real problem it is important to prepare ourselves

Firstly, it is necessary to identify the real problem to be able to expose it in a brief and simple way. The explanation must have an argument supported by real situations and emotions must be left aside. It is necessary to have clear real hypotheses of the facts; in this way we will be impartial, managing to identify the real problem.

2. Express what really interests you, without talking about more

It is important to let the other person present their ideas after you have presented your point of view of the situation. In this way, the other person will know that you also want to understand her argument, and you are willing to respect her turn to have the word, because sometimes we end up talking too much, which ends up damaging the initial and real reason to solve the problem. inconvenient.

Remember that you can express yourself, but be empathic with the other. It is important to use an appropriate tone of voice and words that benefit the construction of a dialogue and not a heated discussion or a fight. Regulating our tone of voice will allow us to avoid a lack of control of the situation.

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3. Face your fears and insecurities

Identify if you can really overcome your fears and insecurities by your own means; Sometimes we need the help of a psychologist to overcome this situation. If the problem does not turn out to be so complex for you, try to objectively identify what prevents you from confronting the conflictive situation.

Analyze if there really is real evidence that limits or prevents you from confronting the other person. The more frequent our exposure to these confrontational events, the greater our experience will be in order to have a correct handling of the situation.

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4. Do not try to be very demanding with yourself

Nobody is born knowing everything, that is why you have to stop being so demanding with yourself. Don't be afraid of being wrong and failing to address a clash of interests, as it is very likely that this experience later will help you know what you need to work on in order to have a satisfactory upcoming confrontation.

5. Stop thinking confrontation is wrong

Neither good nor bad. This is how we should see conflicts, because it is not a fight of good or evil. It is essential that you begin to understand that confronting your points of view or ideas with others turns out to be a very normal and healthy practice, if you do it in a constructive way. It is for this reason that it is very important that you stop thinking or believing that confronting others is bad. You must be clear that your main motivation is to promote a dialogue; in this way you will promote the solution of conflicts and avoid the appearance of problems that may not even affect you alone.

6. It wouldn't hurt to ask for help

If after trying in various ways you cannot encourage yourself to be assertive with one or more people, do not be distressed or despair. It is important that you understand that there may be other problems or blocks that are preventing you from carrying out this type of communicative activity. That is why it is important see a clinically oriented psychologist, which, after an evaluation, will determine the areas that you need to work on in psychotherapy. Some people show shyness, an introverted personality, or low self-esteem, among other factors that could be favoring the avoidance of conflict.