Prince Charming syndrome: what it is and how it affects our relationships

Subjects with Prince Charming syndrome are characterized by persistently searching for the ideal, perfect partner.

We know that looking for a partner is not easy, nor will it be easy to maintain it, it is necessary to be flexible, communicate and negotiate to reach an understanding, to a point of agreement. But individuals with this type of syndrome show great rigidity and high demands and expectations, a fact that will make them any trait or behavior that does not conform to what they value as perfect or adequate may be a reason for rejection or breaking off.

In this article we will talk about Prince Charming syndrome, we will see how this alteration is defined and what characteristic features the subjects who suffer from it show.

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What is Prince Charming Syndrome?

Prince Charming syndrome is characterized by the presence of idealized beliefs about the perfect partner. As the name indicates, subjects with this syndrome will look for a blue prince or a princess, a fairytale character that is not real. They therefore show an obsession with finding a person who is good at everything, who is the best.

It is normal that when we look for a partner there are traits that we value more and are essential, we want to find someone who attracts us and we like. The problem with individuals with this syndrome is that look for traits of excellence that are unreal. We must be aware that nobody is perfect and that it is very difficult, if not impossible, for us to find someone with whom we totally connect and like everything about him or her. There will always be some topic, some opinion in which we collide or do not see the same way.

For this reason, we consider this search for perfection dysfunctional because it really generates discomfort in the subject and does not allow him to develop adaptively.

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Prevalence of Prince Charming Syndrome

Prince Charming syndrome resembles Cinderella syndrome, although the latter is only seen in women. Thus, Prince Charming syndrome can occur in both sexes, both men and women can look for an ideal, perfect partner, although it is true that it is observed more frequently in the female population.

The prevalence is high, it is estimated that approximately 6 out of 10 women can show this type of beliefs at some point in their lives, although it will be necessary to check their level of functionality and discomfort.

Thus, we will say that the usual profile of the affected subjects are women and that, as a general rule, they are older than 30 years.

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Characteristics and symptoms

Now that we know a little better how Prince Charming syndrome is defined, we will mention the main characteristics shown by the subjects who suffer from it, linked to both cognitive, emotional or behavioral. In the end, as we have already seen, the problem with this syndrome is that it has repercussions on the subject and generates suffering and discomfort because her expectations are not met.

Therefore, it will be essential work these irrational beliefs in psychotherapy and give it tools so that it can also control linked behaviors.

1. high demands

One of the most notable characteristics is a high level of demand both when they are looking for a partner and when they are in a relationship period. They are people who look for exceptional qualities in their possible suitors or suitors, that they stand out in all areas: that they have a good physique, a high intelligence, a good social status, a high economic level... In short, that they are perfect in everything.

Likewise, this demand does not diminish when the relationship begins, they pay attention to any detail, any anything that is not what they want or think is correct, they will value it as something very negative and unacceptable. It will be very difficult to contact them, since the assessment they make is subjective and, as expected, not all of us have the same opinion, nor do we consider the facts in the same way.

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2. brief relationships

Linked to the previous point, the high demands with their partner will eventually make them disenchanted and end the relationship, if it is not your partner who gets tired of your demands and decides to cut you off first. Any small defect or simply aspects that they value as negative will be enough to be disappointed and decide to end the relationship.

3. self sabotage

We can intuit a propensity for self-sabotage in the search for a partner, since, although it may seem that his greatest desire is to find someone, we see a continuous search for small details that will lead to the breakup. That is, they are the ones who do not allow themselves to enjoy relationships, since they will seek any minimum detail that is not to their liking to justify that they should leave their partner.

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4. They only look at the negative traits

This obsession with finding the perfect person ends up leading to the search for negative traits, which are not liked and which confirm that it is not the ideal subject. This is a phenomenon linked to what is known as confirmation bias.

We observe a greater tendency to focus on negative traits, that is, they weigh much more than positive ones. Although the subject has many positive characteristics, if it shows a small detail that does not match what he or she understands as perfect, it will be reason enough to break up.

5. Negative evaluation of the opposite sex

After a disappointment in love or seeing that no man or woman meets the expectations they seek, they end up believing and expressing that all men or women are equal, showing a bad regard for they. We realize how they blame the other person for not being up to par, not being perfect, without assessing at any time how their behavior has been or how they are.

This consideration and external and not internal assessment and excessive demand favors a negative view of their environment, specifically of the opposite sex.

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6. Bad relationship and abuse with your partner

Intentionally or unconsciously, In cases like this, it is common for psychological abuse to occur between the couple..

The high demand and the disappointment of not observing what they would like, that is, the experience that their partners are not as these people wish, generates that on many occasions they express their discontent, criticize their partner, even in an unfair and humiliating way. They will try to make their partner change their way of being, their appearance or their way of acting with the intention of liking them, although this will never happen, since it will never be enough.

In this way, it is very likely that if the other person does not decide to end the relationship and they continue together, their self-esteem is reduced, showing very low levels and modifying their way of expressing themselves to please their partner. Likewise, the subject with the syndrome will not hesitate to continue looking for the ideal person, and may even approach and act affectionately with other people in front of their partner.

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7. parental referent

It is also common for the model of the ideal man or woman they are looking for to be similar to their father or mother.. Our father or our mother are the first referents of the opposite sex that we have, being also very important figures in our education and upbringing. For this reason, it is not surprising that we see in them the perfect model, who show the characteristics that they have taught us as good.

They will therefore seek protection and affection similar to what they can receive from their father or mother, to be treated as princes or princesses of their house.

8. unrequited relationships

Another characteristic of the relationships established by individuals with Prince Charming syndrome and that ends up having repercussions on their well-being is frequently falling in love with or liking unreachable people, either because they are famous people, married individuals or because they live far away. This attraction to difficult-to-reach subjects encourages them to idealize and value them as perfect individuals, since not having the opportunity to get to know them more makes it difficult for them to detect the traits negatives.

Thus, this difficulty in establishing a relationship with unreachable subjects or in the case of being able to maintain a relationship, being considered the lover or the lover and not receiving the desired attention, will generate greater discomfort in the patient.

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9. feeling of loneliness

The impossibility of finding a partner that is perfect and ideal or the difficulty in maintaining relationships, generates in subjects with this syndrome a feeling of loneliness and a feeling of emptiness. In this way, a point to work on will be to understand that not having a partner does not mean being alone and that We must first be okay with ourselves in order to make our relationships healthy and durable.

The reason for being with someone should not be to fill the emptiness we feel, it cannot be the reason for our happiness, but before we have to feel fulfilled and happy ourselves to be able to establish a good relationship of partner.