Psychological keys to get out of a toxic friendship relationship

There is a lot of talk about toxic relationships in the couple, and rightly so: for decades a series of expectations, preconceived ideas and roles that made it very difficult to experience the love of a couple in a free and healthy way from a psychological.

However, it should not be overlooked that there are also other forms of relationships based on an affective bond that can be twisted with relative ease and "trap" us in them. This is what sometimes happens with certain friendships that become harmful without us realizing it at first.

Therefore, in this article we will talk about how to get out of a toxic friendship relationship taking into account the mechanisms that may be working in it to prevent us from taking that step.

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How to recognize a toxic friendship?

It is very difficult to get out of a toxic friendship relationship if we do not know how to recognize it as such and detect the behavioral dynamics that keep us anchored to it. which is not easy

In fact, one of the most problematic aspects of toxic friendships is that can take many different forms, partly because the concept of friendship is not subject to as many stereotypes and expectations as couple relationships, and in a certain sense that makes the people involved go with "low guard" without questioning what they see happening in these interactions, by not having as many referents with whom compare.

So some key ideas that can help you identify a toxic friendship relationship are the ones you will see here, and that are frequently met in this class of dysfunctional links:

• You stay in that friendship more because of the anguish that ending up with her causes you than because of the happiness it brings you.
• You notice that the other person makes all the decisions for you.
• There are ridicule and offenses with relative frequency, sometimes using "humor" as an alibi.
• You feel used because friendship is an instrumental way of achieving something or gaining access to someone.
• They constantly threaten to end that friendship for things that are not your fault.
• you suffer gas lighting, your sanity or your criteria to analyze reality is questioned.

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How to get out of a toxic friendship?

When it comes to letting go of these harmful friendships that do not bring you anything, keep these guidelines in mind.

1. Analyze what has kept you in it

If you have been involved in that friendship for some time even though it brings you suffering, it's worth asking why. In this way, it is recommended that you make a brief list of the elements that have been holding you back, such as: feeling of guilt, the fear of making a fool of myself by expressing that I want to cut off contact, the doubts about "what will my family etc

Once noted, order them according to the intensity with which they affect you, select the two or three first, and propose a term to prepare a total or partial solution to partially “neutralize” their effect. This will make you gain confidence in yourself and take the step.

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2. Take into account if someone else in the friendship circle limits you

It is possible that this toxic friendship has been affecting you not because of the influence of a single person, but because of the joint effect of several people in that circle of friendship that make you feel vulnerable. If so, think about who is your main link with that group, the person with whom you maintain the main toxic friendship, and focus your efforts on ending that bond with her, without trying to address the whole group at the same time. time.

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3. Briefly prepare what you will say

You should not write a very long speech to memorize, on the contrary; if you do, you will feel very vulnerable. Instead, think of one or at most two reasons why you will communicate that you are ending the relationship, which can be expressed simply and briefly.

4. If you feel anxious, practice visualization

Think about the time and place where you will communicate that you are officially out of that friendship relationship, close your eyes and imagine that experience vividly. This will help you lose your fear.

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5. Give yourself a deadline

It is important that you take action and make explicit your intention not to continue investing your time and efforts in that friendship. dysfunctional, to avoid misunderstandings and not expose yourself to situations in which you give in and decide to continue acting like it's not happening any. If you notice that your integrity or dignity is at risk, consider communicating it online or telematically, considering that the other person may not deserve a face-to-face conversation. Your physical and mental health comes first.

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Do you want professional psychological support?

If you are looking for psychological assistance services, I invite you to contact me.

My name is Thomas Saint Cecilia and I am an expert psychologist in cognitive-behavioral psychology; I work helping adults, adolescents, couples and companies, and the sessions are held in person in Madrid or online.