This is family codependency towards people with addiction

Addiction is a mental disorder that harms not only the patient, but also his environment, the subjects closest to him, such as his relatives.

In situations like this, it is common to observe the appearance of a behavior pattern based on codependency shown by a close person towards whom an addiction has developed. Although the intention can be helpful, the behavior ends up being dysfunctional, thus facilitating the appearance of psychopathological behavior and its becoming chronic. Codependent behavior is characterized by showing a dedication and full willingness to give support, with loss of limits between the needs of oneself and of the addicted person, affecting one's own identity.

In this way, it will be essential to intervene in dependent behavior, since it shows a tendency to generate a circle vicious, thus preventing the addicted subject from being rehabilitated at the same time as the caregiver's mental health decrease.

In this article we will talk about the codependency that arises in families in which one of the members is addicted

, how this behavior is defined, what it implies, what characteristics are the most representative, how it affects the addicted subject and how to reduce it.

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What do we understand by codependency in addictions?

It is known how devastating addictions can be, affecting all areas of the life of the addicted subject. We observe the impact on their mental and physical health, in the workplace, as well as social and family. As expected, the subjects that are part of the close environment of the addict will be severely affected, since they will perceive the state in which their relative is and the difficulty of improvement that this situation sample.

These individuals who have a closer relationship with the addict may end up developing a codependent relationship. This type of relationship is characterized by a dedication and full concern for the addicted subject that ends up being obsessive. The codependent individual cares more about the other person's well-being than his own. and his intense and insistent involvement ends up affecting both himself and the subject he intends to help.

In this way, the codependent individual stops living her own life, losing the limits between him and the other subject. He acts as if the failures were his too, becoming frustrated at relapses, ultimately displaying behaviors almost as dysfunctional as the addict's own.

Although it may seem that the intention of the codependent subject is to help the addicted patient, his way of behaving ends up harming and hindering the improvement of the addiction. Namely, codependent behavior is pathological. The relationship that will be created between the addict and the dependent will be increasingly dysfunctional, with communication being affected. Those who have developed an addiction are trapped in a role of helplessness and denial of their ability to overcome their problem, and this helps the addictive behavior continue to occur.

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Main characteristics of codependency

We therefore understand codependency as belief and action by and for the other person; the subject will turn to help the addict, believing that without his involvement he will not be able to heal and recover. In this way, it supposes almost a full dedication, ceasing to live his own life, even losing his own identity, since at all times his thoughts are focused on the other.

For this reason, due to the bonding and excessive dedication, in the most extreme cases it is possible that a contradictory feeling appears before the improvement and cure of the addicted subject, because although codependent people want their loved one to get better, if he or she manages to recover, the reason for which they fight ceases to matter, and with it their role as support. Thus, as the addiction improves, the person with codependency may feel abandoned.

Subjects with dependency show distinctive characteristics that indicate the presence of this alteration. It will be necessary to identify it in order to be able to intervene psychologically, since adequate behavior on the part of family members will be essential both to give the necessary support to the addicted person and not to give rise to relationship patterns troublesome.

1. Tendency to seek to please other people

People with codependency will place the well-being of others, in this case the addicted subject, ahead of their own well-being. In this way, your happiness will depend on the happiness of the other and they will manage to be well if the subject on whom they show themselves dependent is. This behavior ceases to be functional, one's own health and even that of the other individual can be affected.

2. fear of abandonment

As we have already seen, his full dedication to the other and the way of living his life from the existence of the other person, favors that before the improvement of the addict or if he decides to move away, the codependent individual feel abandoned, empty and with loss of the very meaning of life.

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3. Low selfsteem

Dependence on the other person and little self-regard for him, affect self-esteem and self-worth. The conception they have of themselves will depend on how they value them and the approval they feel from the subjects around them. Any negative comment on their performance or inappropriate treatment will cause damage to their esteem. We must bear in mind that the situation of the addict, of the subject on whom they feel dependent, is complicated, a fact that will make the relationship difficult, facilitating arguments and bad words.

4. Not knowing how to say no

Another remarkable characteristic of codependent subjects is that they do not know how to say no; their eagerness to please the other person will make them do whatever they are asked to doEven if they don't want to do it. In this way, the other individual's preferences will come before his own, although it is true that, as we have already pointed out, his greatest desire or preference is to dedicate himself fully to the other.

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5. Tendency to show blurred boundaries between oneself and the other person

The intense and constant concern they feel for the subject on whom they depend, makes her state subject to the well-being of the other. That is, they are very empathetic subjects who will experience the discomfort of others as their own discomfort. This way of experiencing the emotions of others as one's own is related to diffusion or loss of limits, of the distinction between the different subjects, thus deriving in a loss of identity and tendency to live from the existence of the other.

6. need for control

The dedication to the other person and experience from the other, produce in the codependent subject a need to control the life of the addicted subject, since he lives it as his own. This control is mainly related to a need to know what the other subject is doing, where and with whom he is going, as well as advising which actions he believes are better and appropriate to carry out. This control exerted on the addict helps him feel safer and more involved in the situation.

7. Inability to break a relationship

The need and dependence they feel for the other person makes it impossible for them to end a relationship; will continue with a person although the bond is not healthy and they do not feel happy with it. Just thinking about being alone and losing the figure of support generates in codependent subjects such discomfort intense that they do not even consider this possibility, they will prefer to maintain a toxic and stormy relationship than break away.

How to decrease codependent behavior

It will be just as important to work with the addicted patient as with family members who may show codependency, since if we do not treat this type of behavior we will not be able to improve the addiction.

Different have been tried strategies to reduce dependency, aimed both at the work of cognitions and behaviors. One of the important aspects in which to intervene is to achieve greater independence and build and strengthen their separate identity, as an individual person, for this purpose we will work to improve your self-esteem and self-confidence same.

It is essential to encourage the addicted person to go to therapy, and set limits between what you can do and what you can't do, without assuming that their condition is a justification for not having or considering following certain healthy rules and routines.

On the other hand, we will also try to modify the dysfunctional beliefs about their role or relationship with the addicted subject, helping them to establish realistic expectations of the situation. Learn that their support is important in recovery from addiction, but always keeping clear limits of who each subject is and what belongs to each one.