How knowing ourselves helps us accept ourselves

It is very common to assume that to achieve emotional well-being, it is necessary to achieve a series of goals throughout our life trajectory. From this point of view, feeling good about ourselves is equivalent to what we usually understand by being successful in life. However, this does not correspond to reality for two main reasons.

In the first place, because well-being does not come to us simply by achieving conventional goals that have to do with prosperity in socioeconomic terms; these are relatively few, they are not very varied, and they are almost always imposed on us. And secondly, because if we limit ourselves to wanting to achieve one goal after another, we are not capable of stopping to think about what it made us set those goals in the first place, and that can put such a strain on our mental health that it ends breaking.

The truth is that pTo be well emotionally it is essential to accept ourselves, something for which it is key to undertake a process of self-knowledge.

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What is self-knowledge?

When we talk about the concept of self-knowledge, it is easy to come to the easy conclusion that it has to do with knowing our own physical and/or psychological characteristics, as if it were a matter of filling in a descriptive sheet using adjectives and measurements objective.

Of course, this explanation contains a grain of truth, but it is insufficient and gives a biased view of what it really means to know ourselves.

Actually, self-knowledge does not only consist of having memorized a series of textual information (that is, that can be expressed in words) about who we are; it also includes a strong emotional charge about the concept of “I”. Namely, what makes us feel our own identity. Beyond the etymology of the term "self-knowledge", this has to do with being aware of how we are in the present, with all that this implies.

However, reaching a state of balanced and fair self-knowledge with ourselves is not easy. Since everything that has to do with the “I” has such important implications for us, it is common for us to fall into very extreme and biased conclusions, which leads us to circular reasoning based on self-confirmation: "I'm useless, so it's not worth undertaking that project that I would like to carry out”, which leads to “I am useless because I do not dare to face any project that motivates”.

This is where acceptance comes into play. Accepting ourselves goes through knowing how to recognize our limitations and imperfections while not giving them more power than we they have, and it also happens by not always acting desperately in an effort to overcompensate for what we perceive as defects that they complex

A) Yes, self-acceptance helps us to have a realistic and nuanced vision about what we can expect from ourselves, and this is essential in order not to be afraid of the task of knowing all our facets. In turn, self-knowledge also enhances self-acceptance, managing to enter into a dynamic of mutual reinforcement between both processes. Let's see how this happens.

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Why does self-knowledge allow us to accept ourselves?

These are the different ways in which knowing ourselves makes it easier to accept ourselves as we are.

1. It allows us to get rid of limiting beliefs with a pessimistic bias

Self-knowledge is about questioning the beliefs about the “I” that we have been maintaining even though part of them lead us to self-sabotage and they are problematic.

In turn, it helps us to detect explanations that are too biased towards pessimism about the consequences of our actions, such as those that lead us to blame ourselves for everything bad what's happening to us. We must not forget that assuming that pessimism is the most realistic framework of interpretation is still an easy and predictable way of analyzing reality.

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2. Helps us see the learning opportunities in our imperfections

Self-knowledge makes us lose the fear of keeping our imperfections in mind because, among other things, it implies that being aware of them can bring us good things. It makes it possible to learn from mistakes and foresee why on the flank complications may arise in any project that we consider, so that we are able to better plan what to do in each case.

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3. Makes it easier to distinguish between what is beyond our control

On the other hand, self-knowledge allows us to outline the outline of everything in which we have control to separate it from what does not depend on us. This makes it easier be at peace with ourselves in the face of memories of emotionally painful situations or that have even been traumatic.

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4. It helps to understand our limitations and the anxiety problems that we may suffer

Self-knowledge goes hand in hand with not seeing moments of emotional vulnerability that we may go through, or even anxiety problems, as something to be ashamed of. And this, in turn, helps us to have a more stable self-esteem, since it frees us from the fear of "what will they say" and take us away from the tendency to evaluate in moral terms what we feel in the face of what happens.

In turn, the fact of having a more balanced self-esteem adjusted to reality makes it possible for us to better adapt to the challenges that life poses to us and that, in this way, we establish a healthier relationship with stress and anxiety, two completely natural phenomena that do not have to be seen as a problem in all cases.

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