9 strategies to be more assertive

Social skills are those aptitudes and strategies that we put into practice every day with the aim of communicating effectively. successfully with the people around us and establish functional, stable and adaptive relationships both known and unknown. Therefore, they are constantly applied in all kinds of situations, both at work and in private life.

One of the most important social skills that exist is assertiveness, a quality that helps us express ourselves directly and defend our interests and points of view while respecting our interlocutors and trying to make them feel comfortable in any communicative exchange with us. Fortunately, this ability can be trained and learned through the use of assertiveness strategies.

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What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the skill that allows anyone correctly express feelings, ideas, points of view or opinions both negative and positive, in a respectful manner and without aggressiveness or hostility of any kind towards your interlocutor.

It is one of the most important social skills, as it helps us to communicate successfully with the people around us. both personal and professional and allows us to assert our opinions or points of view even if we find opposition in front of us. Being assertive involves daring to say what should be said, even though this may be a challenge.

Assertiveness allows us to be direct and say things clearly when communicating or to participate in debates, talks and even discussions of all kinds, without giving in to the fear of being wrong or being judged for our opinions.

On top of that, this ability grants anyone who possesses it the ability to properly project their voice, speak at a volume of adequate voice, with fluency, coherence and cohesion in the speech, since the assertive person does not always give in to what is supposed to be expected of them. she.

In cases where the person has a low level of assertiveness, he experiences great difficulty in expressing himself correctly. Luckily, there are a series of strategies, guidelines and tips that we can follow to train our assertiveness and be more assertive with the environment around us.

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What are the main strategies we can follow to be more assertive?

These are the main general guidelines that psychology professionals recommend to improve our assertiveness.

1. Set our priorities

One of the first pieces of advice we can follow to improve or train our assertiveness is to establish or organize our own essential priorities or values ​​that must be highlighted in a conversation before it takes place, especially if it is a conversation important.

A good way to do this exercise is to write down on a piece of paper everything that should be mentioned in the conversation: both interests and objectives, values ​​or beliefs, and order them all according to the importance they have for us.

This will help us organize our ideas, train what we want to say and have a guideline that we can follow in case we can get lost during the conversation in which let's participate

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2. Learn to say "No"

Knowing how to say "No" to someone is one of the essential skills that people who have a good level of assertiveness have. People with low levels of assertiveness find it difficult to say "No" or even raise anything that could generate controversy, even if it is important.

To overcome this problem, we can perform a series of daily exercises. One of the most useful that we can put into practice consists of aim to say “no” a certain number of times a week at least.

This exercise will help us to have an objective limitation that helps us see stagnation, setbacks or progress in our ability to say “No”, and it also allows us to adjust that number according to how difficult it is and how challenging it is (without being too difficult or too difficult). easy).

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3. Work non-verbal language

In the field of social interactions, non-verbal communication is almost as important as the speech that we transmit to the other person; that's why at to defend our position or approach it is necessary to adopt an appropriate non-verbal language.

Some of the tips that we can follow to achieve this goal may be to maintain at all times a relaxed body posture, avoiding having the body tilted, crossing our arms or not looking at the eyes.

The body posture that we adopt before a discussion or talk can project information that we do not we want or feelings that do not correspond to our state of mind, such as fear or submission. That is why it is so valuable to be attentive to our non-verbal language. Also, maintaining a correct posture will help us to trust ourselves.

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4. Avoid constant apologies

People with low levels of assertiveness tend to continually apologize for any thing, which is one of the most reliable indicators to detect low assertiveness in any person.

When we have a conversation or discussion of any kind, we should avoid apologizing for expressing how we feel and be aware that our opinion is as valid as anyone else's.

5. Work on active listening

Active listening is another of the essential skills shared by people with good levels of assertiveness, since no communication can be satisfactory without listening to what the other person has to say and adapting our speech to it. it.

Active listening is pay as much attention as possible to what the other person is saying and establish a genuine understanding regarding your intentions (and showing that we listen). In addition, it also brings authority: we do not speak unilaterally, and therefore we expect to receive the same treatment.

In addition to that, we must avoid interrupting the other person in order to respect their turn to speak and have greater legitimacy when defending our positions.

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6. be direct

Express what we feel clearly and directly, bluntly and stating from the outset the essential core of our arguments, is another of the basic characteristics of any assertive person.

That is why it is so important to have the ideas that we are going to expose clear and organized, which is why it is sometimes advisable write down what we are going to say, or rehearse and previously train our speech either mentally or out loud in front of a mirror.

7. Start by facing less difficult situations

To train our assertiveness skills and especially if we have problems doing it successfully, it is essential to face easier situations at the beginning, for example, by being more assertive with trusted family and friends.

This will help us train our skills with known people with whom we will not feel so afraid or insecure and with whom we will be able to gain confidence in ourselves.

8. Train our speaking skills

The ability to speak can be trained by psychology professionals and other experts in the field, and once acquired, it will allow us to be much more assertive with our surroundings.

The most important public speaking skills are usually: correct diction, adequate voice volume, fluent speech and confidence in one's own speech.

9. If necessary, go to therapy

In psychotherapy it is possible to train key skills associated with assertiveness, such as managing stress or improving self-esteem.

If you are interested in starting a process of this type, please contact us; in Cepsim Psychological Center we can help you.