You can't be happy all the time

There are people who criticize positive psychology and the so-called science of happiness because they say that there is no such thing, that happiness cannot be a science and that life is much more complicated than everything proposed by the models and theories of positive psychology.

In addition, there are those who think that the search for happiness is a formula of the system to keep us docile and indoctrinated, a kind of "opium for the people" that It leads to comply with what is established, and to put a good face in bad weather, since if you follow the guidelines of society and the marked path to success, you will be happy and happy.

However, we see that this is not the case for several reasons.

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The pursuit of pleasure is not the pursuit of happiness

The first is that if we simply stick to that most popular and widespread idea of ​​happiness and success, associated with the capitalist and consumerism, it is proven that this approach does not build authentic and basic well-being, something solid and permanent; but rather spikes or waves of ephemeral happiness, fundamentally related to the search for pleasure and the avoidance of pain.

There are many people who follow that path and then suffer from major stress or anxiety problems, even depression and a huge inner emptiness having lost their essence along the way and being disconnected from what they really are and what they want to do.

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Making our lives have meaning

Second, if you spend a little time reading and delving into positive psychology, you will see that this idea of ​​happiness, like a sweet and malleable jelly bean, is not what he proposes, but everything contrary. From this scientific branch of psychology, an idea of ​​happiness or subjective well-being is defended based on self-knowledge, freedom and purpose. A happiness that empowers individuals and connects them with their environment in a conscious and responsible way. A happiness that also implies moments of suffering and negative emotions, which we face and we understand to try to come out stronger and move forward on our own path of growth staff.

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Three pathways to wellness

It is very interesting to remember one of the approaches that Martin Seligman, father of positive psychology, made in his book "The authentic happiness" of the year 2002. In it he speaks of the existence of three paths that lead to different types of well-being and happiness independently, and that only Working them together is when we manage to open the doors of authentic happiness, the one that brings us peace and serenity. inside. These three pathways are:

the pleasant life

It is aimed at enhancing positive emotions in the present, past and future. It is the path related to hedonism: search for pleasure and pleasant emotions and avoidance of pain and unpleasant emotions.

the compromised life

It consists of orienting ourselves towards goals and objectives that motivate us and that we strive to meet.. This path tries to put into practice our strengths of character, in order to develop positive and stimulating experiences with which we feel fulfilled.

life with meaning

It consists in endowing life with a transcendent meaning, something that is important to us and is also important to others. It consists of using one's own strengths and talents in the service of others. It is transcending the personal and dedicating time to something else: family, friends, society, nature, culture, the world...

Looking for a balance

As we said a little above, we must live the three lives in a balanced and complementary way, to advance in what Seligman defines as "authentic happiness".

However, we all know that you cannot always be happy, and it has to be clear that this is not what is intended from positive psychology or the science of happiness. The message consists rather in knowing what are the ingredients and elements that we can work on to have a fuller life and develop resources and tools. internal ones that allow us to solve the problems and adversities of life, enhance all the good things that happen to us and be active agents in our lives and developing.

An important aspect to keep in mind in this whole matter is that not everything is black or white, good or bad, perfect or imperfect... There are nuances and midpoints and within that variety is where each person has to try and find what works for them and makes them feel right.

Are you aware of how many times you think only of extremes?

This is called dichotomous thinking., and we all do it more often than we should. The dichotomy indicates the separation of a concept into two parts that can be complementary, opposite or antagonistic to each other. Dichotomous thinking is a way our minds work to simplify things and make decisions easier, using polarization and absolute terms. This happens this way because sometimes it is consistent with reality and on many occasions it has helped us as a species: life or death, day or night, fight or flight... However, in many other aspects of our daily life and our relationships, there are middle ground and points of union between apparently opposite alternatives and it is precisely there where we find new resources and more open.

Although the world and our minds sometimes lead us to classify experiences according to these dichotomies, it is important to know that in reality life and everything it contains is not good or bad, all or nothing, useful or useless, right or left, you are with me or against... We must be careful with false dichotomies, since they reduce our vision of the world and limit.

So even knowing that we cannot always be happy and remembering that it is not necessary to pretend, we do want to send the message that each person can find the resources and tools that best serve them to have the life they want to have and move forward on their path of happiness. Positive psychology and the science of happiness, without having answers for everything and surely being wrong about some things, contain many of those tools and resources that are worth trying, and trying to adapt to our lives with flexibility and critical thinking.