Lorena Irribarra: «Self-realization is different for each person»

Much is said about happiness, but one of the peculiarities of this concept is that despite the fact that practically everyone uses it frequently in all kinds of conversations, it is very complicated to define.

So even if two people seem to understand each other when they talk about what makes them happy, it could be that they actually they are not putting themselves in the place of the other when interpreting what they say, and that this apparent understanding is nothing more than a fiction. However... Is this a bad thing? Isn't that a reflection that the experiences that make us happy are very flexible and varied? To better understand the complexities of happiness, we have interviewed psychologist Lorena Irribarra.

• Related article: "Positive Psychology: How Can You Be Really Happy?"

Interview with Lorena Irribarra: What are the secrets of a happy life?

Lorena Irribarra is a Certified Psychologist and Mindfulness Instructor., as well as an expert coach in the Psych-k method; she offers both individualized psychological assistance and training through her courses, such as Mindfulness MBSR and self-leadership. In this interview she tells us about the psychological processes linked to happiness.

Is it a problem that there is no universal definition of what happiness is?

No not at all; Moreover, we have all asked ourselves this question at some point... What is happiness and how can I get it? Because every human being on earth wants to feel happy, it is one of the most longed for goals by human beings; happiness could be understood as feeling self-fulfillment and achieving the goals we have set for ourselves, achieving a state of fullness and harmony with yourself.

For each person, self-realization, feeling full and in harmony, is different. For each human being that we are "unique" it is different to find his own happiness because it is unique for each one of us, however, the secrets to have it are key.

It is often said that happiness is a state. Is it better to understand it as a process that is linked to motivation and our ability to set goals?

For many philosophical currents, and also in psychology, it is often said that happiness is felt as a positive emotional state that we reach when our desires, dreams, goals.

Happiness is a process that we cultivate throughout our lives, self-knowledge is key (herein lies the true secret), loving understanding with ourselves, it is not happier who is more perfect or has more resources, but who accompanies, loves and understands in every situation of life moving towards their dreams and goals, accepting how events unfold, unforeseen events, pleasant moments, because the process of anything that experience is as valuable as reaching the goal or dream, I can say that I feel very happy with the life that I have cultivated and the key has been self-knowledge and the self-esteem.

Is the avoidance of pain and discomfort overrated?

Of course you do, the concept of the overvalued idea was first introduced by the German neurologist and psychiatrist Carl Wernicke in 1906, This idea and beliefs have a certain degree of social, cultural, and political validation, such as, for example, that we should always feel good, that it is not good to feel stress, when stress is not bad, but the response we give to this natural mechanism that arises in the face of a change, threat or unforeseen that can be negative or non-adaptive, we will always feel fear or anger, which are the emotions that are activated by unforeseen or unpleasant situations.

The important thing is to know how to regulate these emotions and use them in our favor, it is necessary to feel the pain and discomfort in a healthy and sustained way, and that they are part of the processes of life. Imagine that your biggest dream is to be a mother... Do you think that in the process of becoming one, some unforeseen event will not arise? There is no perfect life for anyone, logically there will be unforeseen events and these generate stress, anxiety, pain, discomfort.

The secret then is to learn to manage those moments with clarity, self leadership and confidence, and this is done by working on your self-knowledge and self-esteem to trigger the best responses, the most assertive and effective, and this will empowering as a human being and each time you become more and more capable, even in difficult moments you smile at life and feel happy, I have experienced it many times.

How is happiness related to our ability to focus our attention on what is truly important?

The ability to put our attention on the important things and let go of the rest is the key that unlocks happiness. It is essential to put our gaze and mental and emotional focus on what is conducive to us, it is a skill that we can all train.

Attention and happiness go completely together hand in hand for life. Maintain the mental and emotional focus on those areas of our life and environment capable of offering us well-being and different benefits to be in the daily process of cultivating our happiness and heading towards our goals and dreams is the most important key, here the practice of Mindfulness and also Psychk Therapy, since the stimuli are multiple, in addition to stress and worry diverting our energy and resources from what is truly important to our happiness.

Daniel Goleman points out in his book "Focus" that attention is the greatest mental value that we can cultivate and practice. And it is a daily training with great benefits, lived in my own experience.

An attentive brain directs the mind towards what it wants and needs. The person who manages to place the focus on what is conducive to him has the rudder of his existence under control.

On the other hand, in every way, we will always need the shelter, the support, the adherent to make this process more bearable and valuable towards our goals and dreams to cultivate happiness. And the best ally is kindness, gratitude, self-knowledge and loving self-compassion, being with the heart in everything that we are doing and this is also a training that I have been practicing with my students and patients for more than 15 years with deep Benefits.

What are the techniques that are most useful in helping people to be happy?

In my experience with my patients and students, one of the most powerful tools is the practice of mindfulness to have greater self-awareness and clarity, cultivating the gratitude and appreciation this is one of the most powerful tools, starting for example to make a list of things to thank and appreciate in your life, of you or of a person who is in your life.

In this way we cultivate better relationships with ourselves and with others, from here we create a character of person that goes paying "attention", since if we focus on the uncomfortable and unexpected feelings that are happening to us, we cultivate Rage, frustration, discouragement, but if we put it in others the energy flows and grows, if you focus on the things that already work with you (no matter how many they are) your self-esteem and mood improves and you feel more motivated and from there you begin to move towards your desires, goals and dreams that will provide you with more happiness.

Another tool that helps us profoundly, one of the most effective that I have come across in more than 15 years that I have been studying psychology, neuroscience and human behavior is Psychk, very powerful. This leads us to move much faster and also to set aside expectations, structures mental rigidities, demands, control, perfectionism, false perceptions, unnecessary attachments, etc. Those messages that the mind sends us such as: "It has to be like this", "this form is correct". We become much more flexible, and this helps us to move forward better.

What are the principles of emotional management that you apply most in your work?

First of all, it is important to know that every emotion plays a role in life, there are no bad or good emotions, but some that we feel most unpleasant and uncomfortable, but that are also fulfilling a function, learning to understand and manage the uncomfortable emotions is the key to being able to move forward on our path towards our dreams and goals by having greater self-awareness, clarity and focus.

Currently there are two valuable tools that teach us to manage emotions in our favor, Mindfulness with regulation emotional, and also change our limiting beliefs about ourselves and the situation that surrounds us, with the Method tool PSYCH-K®; with her nothing is impossible.

It allows us to be in the process connected with reality and the now, not how it should be or how it should be, which leads us to generate expectations that kidnap us from reality and move towards our goals and dreams that will make us feel happier and that is very healthy have them. Expectations focus on the future, it is important to commit ourselves with dedication to achieve our goals.