'I feel like I don't fit in anywhere': possible causes and what to do

Feeling separated from others is a common feeling in all human beings, let's see the different reasons why we may feel that we do not fit in groups or places.

Probably, throughout your life you have experienced the feeling of feeling distant or different from others. This feeling is very common in adolescence, where we are discovering who we are, and one of the strategies is based on differentiation from others. However, this sensation, although it is more frequent in youth, can appear at any stage of life. life, perhaps as you have grown as a person you have ceased to be compatible with certain friends who are important to you. you.

The human being is a social being, he needs the group and the others for his own sufficiency. However, there are stages of life where we feel isolated, and we are not able to enjoy situations that involve spending time with others, or doing group activities.

The feeling of not fitting in, like all other sensations, needs to be addressed. In this article we explain why this feeling arises and what can be done to manage it.

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Why do I feel like I don't fit in?

The feeling of not fitting in does not have to be something pathological. Many people spend a lot of time trying to integrate into groups and fit into them, there are also many groups.

Seen from the outside, these collectives or groups present a uniformity of thought and it seems that their members act together. However, just like us, each member is an individual, unique and different being. The integration process or the need for a sense of belonging should not, in any case, make one renounce her individuality and what makes her unique. That's why, many times we prefer to be alone than to give up a part of ourselves.

Finding the middle ground between fitting in and isolation is really complicated. Some people suffer from not being part of any group, since the sense of belonging is inherent to the human being, and it is thanks to the security and the roots that we create in the relationship with others, that we can grow and develop as individuals.

Therefore, the feeling of not fitting in, far from being something out of the ordinary, could indicate a feeling of personal search. The questions that this seems to want to ask us would be: Who am I? Y... How do I want to show it to the world?

Part of the solution can also be found in the answers to these questions. Only starting from and being aware of our individuality, with our particularities, our tastes, our virtues, but also our flaws and insecurities. Only by getting to know each other, can we find people who accept us and celebrate us as we are, this would translate as surrounding ourselves with people who add up.

It is a good idea, if you find yourself going through a period of this type, that you do a little introspection and try to find answers. We also warn you that a little searching for oneself is always positive, but many of the answers to who we are will appear in the interaction with the other, it is important that you do not forget this and do not lock yourself in your house to read self-help books or practice meditation. Although doing it in adequate doses can be beneficial.

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Reasons you think you don't fit in

As we have seen, it is normal to feel lonely and it is natural for all human beings, but sometimes it can be a painful feeling. To investigate the reason why you feel lonely, below we list the most common reasons given by experts.

1. One is not the same as ten years ago

Over the years we understand that friendships are forever and although we have relationships since kindergarten, these will vary in intensity throughout life. Also, many times with age, friendships are no longer the center of our existence, like when we were little, they arrive; studies, city changes, work, couples, sometimes children.

In all the stages, not only our friends, but also we are transforming ourselves and we are realizing that we are no longer compatible with certain people of whom we become very next.

These changes are normal and natural, as well as necessary. Worry if your group of friends is the same since you were 15 years old and you keep doing the same things. If in your case, you feel left out of your lifelong group of friends, it may simply be a sign of that you are changing and need to find new friends, whose interests and values ​​are closer to those yours.

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2. You haven't found your people

If you feel a little Martian in the environments you frequent, you do not share most of your friends' opinions, you are the only one who gives importance to certain things or cares about certain issues. It doesn't mean that your friends are worse or better than you, just maybe you haven't found like-minded people to surround yourself with yet. It is important to have different friends for the construction of our personality, but it is even more important to have a small nucleus that knows how to understand us.

It may be that you have not found significant people because you still do not know yourself well, or you are not clear about what matters to you in people and relationships. It is evident that none of us value the same things; Some people give a lot of importance to doing activities, whether sports or social, while others value more being able to spend hours in front of a cup of coffee talking about the sense of life.

The solution? Maybe it's a good idea reflect on what you prioritize in life in general, alone or through psychotherapy. Once you find the path you want to travel and what you are looking for, by moving and sharing spaces with people on the same wavelength, friendships will end up arriving.

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3. you are not open to the world

Perhaps the problem that makes you think that you do not fit in is that you are not open enough to the world and willing to meet people on a deeper level. It is not easy for anyone to open up and show themselves as they are, without masks, for fear of rejection or social criticism. But if we show a different face of ourselves and do not allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we will also not achieve what we really want, which is to connect with others in a meaningful way.

It is true that for introverted and shy people it is more difficult to overcome these barriers at first because they involve a lot of talking. A good tip if you are not particularly talkative is to practice active listening, you can do questions to others and listen to their answers in a way that they understand that you give them 100% of the attention. Although, at first, it is more difficult to generate friendships being shy, these can be deeper in the long run.

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4. You worry about what other people think

If you get very nervous every time you have to speak in public or are in front of a group of people, you are probably overly concerned with what others think of you.

We all care deeply about how the rest of the world sees us; nevertheless, if we work on our self-esteem, this concern can gradually decrease. Also surrounding yourself with trusted people, with whom you do not feel judged for anything you say or do, can make you begin to feel more comfortable in other spaces.

Some psychologists recommend the practice of the present moment (mindfulness) to help us focus on ourselves and our sensations, forgetting a little what others may be thinking.

5. you live in your head

We all live in our head and we cannot run away from ourselves, nor from our thoughts. But if intrusive thoughts like "what am I doing here" or "I don't fit in" creep in every time you're with a group of people, it may be that you are paying too much attention to yourself, and it's hard to successfully socialize when you're channeling all your energy into yourself.

One way to combat intrusive thoughts is to not give them space, to let them go, and not to start ruminating on them. Expressing them to someone you can trust, and making them go outside will make you feel calmer. You may discover that the people around you also go through the same thing, we all think that socializing and having fun in a group is something natural for the rest and that they do it instinctively, but in reality we all have our complexes and our fears when it comes to relate.

6. Forcing yourself out or doing things

We all have periods when we prefer to be more apart and spend more time with ourselves. This does not mean that we are weird or that we are depressed. The problem comes when we deny ourselves these pauses, because a normal person has to go out on Fridays, and we don't allow ourselves to stay home and watch a movie. In these cases in which we force ourselves to go out, it is very likely that we end up thinking, "what am I doing here", and that with time we end up thinking, that we do not fit in and we stop leaving radically, running the risk of isolate ourselves.