How to get your partner and you to enjoy the holidays together

Year after year we hear that after the summer holidays the number of separations increases. The statistics are clear in this sense, once the month of August has passed, divorce applications accumulate in many Courts waiting to be processed.

Is "holidays" really to blame, that period in which we dedicate ourselves to rest and leisure? Not exactly, rather what really happens is that we live more hours a day, both outside and inside the house and we carry out more activities together, so friction is more frequent and, above all, the conflicts already existing in the relationship are highlighted. This means that the more consolidated the bond between the members of the couple, the better results will be obtained. A relationship with a solid and strong base resists better in the face of difficulties.

We must also take into account that the rest of the year we are involved in a thousand tasks and the day-to-day routine barely allows us to spend time together; in the case of couples with small children, their needs absorb a lot of time and space during the week, which added to the work and domestic responsibilities makes us live in a maelstrom that prevents us from noticing the other, their needs, as well as the our own.

• Related article: "The 5 types of couples therapy"

Tips to enjoy the holidays as a couple

First of all, we have to sit down and decide what we would like to do during that vacation time and plan it in a consensual way, taking into account the tastes of all those involved.

With that in mind, here are some recommendations.

1. Work on self-awareness

It is important not to focus on those little quirks or customs that our partner has and that irritate us greatly; at this point it would be good to take responsibility for our feelings and understand that when some other attitude drives us out of our boxes it is because manages to stir something inside us, so it would be good to reflect on this on an individual level.

Self-knowledge is the best technique we have to relate to others and ourselves.

• You may be interested: "Self-knowledge: definition and 8 tips to improve it"

2. Reserve moments for yourself

Understand that, even if we go on vacation together, it is advisable to spend some time doing activities individually or independently of our partner, for example, with family or friends; that way we give space to the other and the relationship is nourished by other external experiences. A good alternative would be to dedicate a few hours to a hobby or pastime that we enjoy, perhaps one that we have parked for years due to lack of time.

3. Improve communication with the other using empathy

If our partner is very reluctant to carry out any plan that we have proposed, it would be interesting to ask him to find out the reason behind that refusal, delve into the reasons, maybe there is a fear of something, maybe distrust or shame.

As always, the best resource in any relationship is to establish good communication, so instead of getting angry saying: "it's just that you never want to do what I want", we can ask him with genuine interest why he doesn't feel like it to do that.

We must be willing to listen to the other and not seek to "get our way at all costs", but find the intermediate point. We usually find ourselves in consultation with many couple conflicts derived from poor communication. Working on this aspect we achieved very important changes.

• Related article: "Empathy, much more than putting yourself in the place of the other"

4. Fairness is key

Must planning and equitably distributing the tasks that are necessary, such as child care or cooking.

5. Be flexible when accepting changes in plans

We must be willing to adapt with understanding and generosity. In travel, as in life, unforeseen events and obstacles arise and the best attitude we can have is to accept them as part of the journey. Nor it is useless to get angry and even less for circumstances that are beyond our control.

6. Experience new things

Take advantage of having so much time to do different and innovative things, those that are out of the ordinary, of what is stipulated, take to the field of I play to our inner boy or girl, our playful and fun part, to let our hair down instead of being overwhelmed by having to "kill time", in conclusion, bring imagination to life.

• You may be interested: "Openness to Experience: What Does This Personality Trait Look Like?"

7. Remember that the couple relationship is the most complex of all

In part we choose that person unconsciously (we do not fully understand what motivates us to approach that type of person), because It implies an emotional delivery that sometimes makes us feel vulnerable, because it is usually the mirror in which we reflect ourselves. themselves. For all these reasons, it is a great opportunity to get to know each other thoroughly and improve as people. The more comfortable we are with our Self, the better relationships we will establish with others..

In short, if you consider that your relationship is stuck, either due to some conflict or discomfort, or due to the inertia of routine and boredom, be honest with your partner and explain how you feel about it, it is possible that he or she is going through something similar and is comforted to hear your position.

Go through a therapeutic process It will allow us to achieve that self-knowledge that we were talking about before and walk the path of life, evolving and obtaining the maximum learning. On the other hand, our relationships will be more satisfying and we will achieve greater well-being and enjoyment. The figure of the therapist will serve as a guide to be able to find for ourselves the answers to our own questions. It is interesting to know that there are professionals specialized in couple or family therapy, as well as in other areas of psychology, so if you are considering doing therapy you will find good and expert professionals in whom support you.