How to relate to oppositionist adolescents in the family?

The Oppositional Teenagers not only do they tend to experience a lot of discomfort at a stage of life in which they are especially vulnerable and that greatly influences their development; In addition, their behavior patterns, if they are not properly cared for and treated in therapy, also harm their families, damaging coexistence and even promoting the appearance of psychological alterations in their beings darlings. It's not your fault; Managing this type of situation without professional help is very complex, and that is why it is recommended to turn to a psychologist as soon as possible.

Now, beyond the work that adolescents do in therapy, there are several strategies and routines that parents and/or mothers can adopt at home when taking care of these youngsters, to make it easier for them to improve and, incidentally, to restore balance to family dynamics. Here we will see the most important.

• Related article: "The 3 Stages of Adolescence"

The traits of oppositionist adolescents

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is a psychological phenomenon that appears fundamentally in children and adolescents, and that is reflected in

a tendency to break with norms and make coexistence very difficult.

This alteration is characterized by the presence of challenging attitudes and behaviors towards norms and conventions. as well as the refusal to collaborate or cooperate with others, whether family, friends, teachers or unknown. Although this phenomenon is present to a greater or lesser extent in practically all adolescents, in the case of those who develop ODD these behaviors are especially frequent and disruptive.

Oppositional defiant disorder is related to a series of very characteristic behavioral symptoms, which are the following: predisposition to hold a grudge and seek revenge, lack of respect for norms and authority figures, frequent irritability, tendency to verbally attack and annoy others just for fun. However, these problematic behavioral dynamics are not as extreme as in the case of conduct disorder.

Early detection of this disorder, as well as its treatment, are essential to improve the quality of life of the person and prevent other more serious related psychological disorders from being triggered. In addition, going to therapy will be a measure to prevent these behaviors from leading to problems with long-term consequences, such as school failure.

• You may be interested: "Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in Children: Causes and Symptoms"

Strategies to follow to raise and relate to oppositional adolescents in the family

If a case of ODD has appeared in your family and you want to know the main strategies, read on. These are several guidelines that you can follow to improve the intra-family relationship and encourage parenting that is as appropriate as possible given the circumstances.

1. Set clear limits

The establishment of clear, specific and achievable limits and rules of coexistence, both at home and outside it, is one of the first strategies that we can put into practice to improve the relationship with an adolescent who presents an oppositional disorder challenging.

It is important that both the house rules and the limits of conduct established are clear and concise so that the adolescent can easily remember them at all times and always keep them in mind who intends to engage in challenging behavior. It is also recommended that they are not very numerous. “Burying” the young person in a pile of new rules every time he breaks them is totally counterproductive, because it devalues ​​them and also makes them seem arbitrary or a matter of revenge.

Likewise, making them understand the purpose of these limitations will make it easier for them to "connect" with them when they see their usefulness, their positive side.

• Related article: "Family therapy: types and forms of application"

2. Praise positive behaviors

In the same way that non-compliance with the rules and disobedience must be sanctioned when the adolescent misbehaves, we must also clearly point out and intensely praise the behaviors positives.

In this way we are reinforcing the attitudes that interest us so that they will be produced again in the future and become the usual pattern of behavior. In addition to that, we make the adolescent understand what is the right path when it comes to relating correctly and living together as a family.

Positive reinforcement and praise for appropriate behaviors should be specific and as concise as possible, and may be accompanied by meaningful rewards for the adolescent.

3. teach values

In families in which there is an adolescent with ODD, it is of great importance that both parents and other members of the family nucleus teach him a series of essential values ​​to achieve a good social adaptation.

Some of these values ​​may be taking responsibility for one's own actions (pointing out the consequences of misbehavior); the importance of effort to achieve rewards, tolerance of frustration and respect for other people around us. This can be done through narratives and examples, explaining why certain behaviors speak well of a person. For example, using movies can be useful.

• Related article: "The 10 types of values: principles that govern our lives"

4. Act as a behavioral model

In the same way that we must teach a series of values ​​to our son, we must also act as a role model so that he learns those same values ​​and behavior patterns from us themselves.

To achieve this end, it is recommended that the rules that apply to adolescents with oppositional defiant disorder are also followed by all family members, or in the event that they do not comply (for example, it does not make sense for adults to have limitations on how long to stay late at night), explain very well why and show that behaving maturely has its advantages.

5. Share activities

Sharing enjoyable and fun family activities is also a way to bond with your teen and can help both to improve your mental stability, as well as to achieve a good mood and increase your self-esteem.

By sharing activities or a few hours of the day with the adolescent, we help him feel integrated into the family, included in family activities and is one of the best ways to practice parenting positive.

6. Practice positive parenting

A positive parenting model encompasses all of the guidelines listed above and is based on consistent and consistent discipline as well as love, trust, affection and positive bonding between parents and children.

Thanks to this type of upbringing from infancy, we will make the child feel loved and respected at all times, with clear limits of education and coexistence that allow him to learn to behave properly and develop properly.

7. Avoid power struggles

Faced with episodes of opposition or refusal to obey the rules of the house, it is important to avoid power struggles with the adolescent and put into practice useful parenting strategies that allow us to maintain control of the situation and help us to communicate positively with him so that he complies with the rules.

Some of the tricks that we can use to avoid the opposition of the adolescent and the power struggle between both parties can be offer you two or more options to accomplish a task; in this way we are giving you a voice in the decisions that are going to be made.

8. avoid labels

Frequently using labels like "you're spoiled" or "you're irresponsible" will only make them integrate these adjectives into their personality and defend them as their own in front of others. Better to exercise constructive criticism about inappropriate actions.

9. Convincing of the benefits of attending therapy

In addition to putting into practice all the strategies mentioned above, it is important to go to therapy to treat the oppositional defiant disorders that the adolescent may present, with the aim of not triggering other more serious problems serious; and, on the other hand, it is also important address the problem in therapy by intervening in the family system.

In order to get him to come to therapy, it is very helpful if both the adolescent's parents and relatives convince him of the practical benefits of going to a psychology professional, that is, of those who will make you feel better in a short time and will provide you with a higher quality of life.

Are you interested in having professional psychological support?

If you want to have psychological assistance through a psychotherapy process, get in touch with us.

In Adhara Psychology We serve people of all ages and families who may be going through bad times or need to reconnect with their emotions and learn to manage them better. Through Humanistic Psychology, we offer psychological intervention plans adapted to each case and taking into account the particularities and needs of the individual, respecting their subjectivity. We attend online by video call or through face-to-face sessions in Madrid.