The hidden face of perfectionism

If you are a person who is too perfectionistic, you will surely feel dissatisfaction frequently in your life. It is normal that having high demands in everything and being constantly aware of your mistakes is something that generates a lot of discomfort, exhaustion and overwhelm.

Colloquially, it is understood that a perfectionist is one who is never satisfied with what he does, so he carries out activities very carefully, respecting the smallest detail.

In this article We will talk about perfectionism, its characteristics and how to carry it in a balanced and healthy way.

• Related article: "The Major Theories of Personality"

What is perfectionism?

Taken to an extreme, perfectionism can be defined as the tendency to set goals that are too high, pursue them rigidly without questioning them and value themselves based on the achievement of those goals. Consequently, when what is expected is not fulfilled, a perfectionist person feels such dissatisfaction that it can cause, in very limiting cases, depression and a lot of anxiety.

Among the characteristics of perfectionism, it stands out to seek excellence and have the desire to improve ourselves that can be considered as positive values ​​that can help us in the different areas of our lives in their fair measure.

In fact, in our society the best results of what we do are usually very positively rewarded, it is even very well seen and it is highly valued that a person is very hardworking and always gives the best results. Consequently, we live in a very competitive environment, making us constantly give everything and more to achieve those goals that we long for.

However, when we take them to the extreme, these characteristics become our worst enemies: they make us feel that we are not happy and become a great source of fear, dissatisfaction and insecurity that, paradoxically, increase the probability of committing mistakes.

• You may be interested: "Perfectionist Personality: The Disadvantages of Perfectionism"

Characteristics of a perfectionist

It is very likely that someone perfectionist behaves in a manner consistent with some of the following characteristics:

• High self-demand: since she is not willing to make the slightest mistake, she will demand of herself do everything taking into account the smallest detail, doing everything possible to avoid any failed.
• Requirement towards others: it is also possible that they require others to meet certain subjective standards in any field: both social and academic.
• Polarized thinking: it often happens that the assessments they make of their actions are based on in the "all or nothing", considering a failure when they fail to meet a goal in an satisfactory.
• The opinion of others is very important: they are probably afraid of not fulfilling what others expect of them, afraid of feeling rejected.
• Insecurity of themselves: their personal worth is determined by the achievement or non-achievement of their goals.

• Related article: "Advantages and disadvantages of being too perfectionist"

Tolerance for frustration

In addition, another characteristic that has a decisive influence is tolerance for frustration. When this tolerance is low, a perfectionist person will be constantly alert to any signs that may anticipate an error, becoming very self-critical and self-demanding.

Thus, when you have to write a paper for the university, for example, it is most likely that you think thousands of times what words to use, that you read the sentences written every two by three, that expand the written information without being necessary and ask someone you trust for their opinion on what you have written, always to make sure that everything is "perfect" and thus avoid possible mistakes.

However, when frustration tolerance is balanced, it would imply accept to some degree that everything we do is not going to be 100% perfect, that we will be satisfied with the results obtained, acknowledging that we have achieved something that has required great effort and that shows us that we are heading in the right direction.

What can we do?

These are several tips that you can keep in mind.

1. Improve our tolerance for frustration

The key would be balance our tolerance for frustration, since we would be willing to expose ourselves to the possible failures that we can commit without this meaning that we are worthless and recognizing our effort.

2. Set attainable goals

We must value if our skills are enough to achieve our goals and, if not, set goals that we know we can achieve satisfactorily.

3. Don't fall into the trap of your thoughts

Take your thoughts for what they are, thoughts that come and go, without neglecting what is really important to you: your valuable addresses.

4. Learn to value when something is good enough

Our opinions about something will always have a subjective character, as well as that of others. Consequently, our standards are also subjective and we can change them.

In short, it is about learning to tolerate a certain degree of frustration, accepting that we will make mistakes and that this will not mean that it is an invalid job. Finally, we will manage to move forward and we will realize that our efforts have been worth it.

Sometimes it can be difficult to get out of the loop of perfectionism without help, for this reason We recommend specialist psychologists from the PsicoAlmería center as they have experience in this type of therapies. They attend both face-to-face and online.

Author: Franco Castellá Palet, psychologist at PsicoAlmería.