Why does fear block me and prevent me from making decisions?

Fear is one of our basic emotions And although for many it can be truly distressing, it has a great function in our lives.

A controlled fear is one that allows us to be prudent and cautious, awakening our most rational side and less impulsive. It helps us solve any problem and be able to turn the page as soon as possible.

But an uncontrolled fear is one that triggers a series of negative thoughts that are constantly repeated.

The most frequent is to negatively anticipate what is going to happen. We imagine different scenarios, all of them bad, and this blocks us to the point of preventing us from making a decision. We cling to that of “better known than good to know”. We refuse to know what is on the other side of the door… Will it be better? Worse? Will I like it? Or will my situation worsen? What if I regret it and can't go back?

• Related article: "What is fear? Characteristics of this emotion"

When fear prevents us from moving forward

When we go through a difficult time in our lives and we want to change, that is when that fear of not making the right decision appears. We have the need to feel good, to end what causes us anguish and sadness, but

we don't know where to start. This is when we talk about the famous “comfort zone”. That place where, whether we are better or worse, is the only thing we know and what we are used to.

Changes have an emotional impact; we are going to face a new situation that we do not know how it will influence us and that is not always easy to manage.

The fear of "what will happen" can reach the point of preventing us from making a decision and leaving us stuck in time sustaining an emotionally difficult situation. Days, weeks, months, and even years go by, and we continue to do nothing about it, making us feel more depressed and more frustrated.

Therefore, it is important to control those thoughts that do nothing but distort reality and anticipate something that we do not know if it will really happen or not. The only way to bring about a change in your life is to do something different, and when you do, it will be when you really check, what consequences it has.

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Possible causes of the problem

Many of you will ask yourselves: "And why do I feel that fear of not knowing how to manage the situation if it doesn't turn out the way I would have liked?" The causes can be many, and it depends on each person.

On many occasions, the origin of this fear that blocks us stems from the inability we feel to face a conflict. We come to think that we will not be able to face the new situation if it does not turn out as we expected. Insecurities take hold of us and weaken us. On this occasion, the “what ifs…” appear. For example: “What if my partner feels bad? What if my boss fires me? What if I don't fit in well? What if he goes wrong? In conclusion, we return to the starting point. We do nothing, “just in case…”.

Another reason why we can be limited by fear is because of what we understand as failure. Many people are not educated or accustomed to understanding failure as something positive. Making mistakes scares us. It seems to be something punished by the environment and by ourselves.

We can't afford to fail because that implies an unpleasant feeling together with a hard blow to our self-esteem where we realize that we are not useful, or that we are not capable of doing something in particular.

We also have to face the criticism of our environment for not having achieved it, to feel how they point out and judge us, and the feeling of guilt that this entails. We must understand failure as an event that allows us to grow, evolve and learn.

Thanks to failure it is much more difficult to trip over the same stone again, because we already know what that means, so I learn to make better decisions in the future, and at the same time, I transmit to others very interesting things that will allow them to avoid choosing certain paths or making decisions that can lead them to paths unwanted.

How to face those fears?

With appropriate psychological therapy, we manage to unblock that fear by working on the thoughts that prevent you from moving forward and making decisions that help you get out of the situation you find yourself in.

On the other hand, some of the things that could help you face those fears are:

• Analyze the pros and cons of the options you have in mind
• Think if what you think can happen is really that bad
• Start with small progressive changes, to which you can adapt. It will be much easier for you to start like this, than not introducing radical changes.
• Understand that failure is a form of success, but success in your personal growth. Do you really think that being wrong won't teach you anything?

Secondly, it is important that you normalize that feeling. On many occasions we experience fear with such intensity that we tend to magnify it, to make it bigger and more present in our lives than it really is. Breathe, relax, look it in the face, listen to what it tells you, and try to give it a place in your life. Only then will you be able to see it differently and feel better.

If you feel that you cannot control the situation, do not hesitate to seek a professional psychologist who can help you. You are stronger than you think, and if you set your mind to it, you will achieve it.