Communicative styles and assertiveness

The way we communicate determines our interpersonal relationships. Maintaining good communication with the people around us is essential when it comes to having healthy relationships, feeling good with others and with ourselves.

In this sense, the fact of presenting one communication style or another determines our way of being in the world and of relating to others.

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The main communication styles

There are mainly four communication styles that can be used verbally and non-verbally.

1. passive communication

Passive communication is one in which the person does not report their needs, desires, opinions. It is characterized by being an ambiguous communication, without clear messages and in which the person does not express what he really thinks. It can denote insecurity and low self-esteem.

On the other hand, people who communicate passively are often complacent with others, find it difficult to maintain eye contact, and are often unable to say "no." People with this style of communication do not usually respond to situations that bother them or make them sad, accumulating discomfort.

Once they can no longer bear this discomfort, they may explode and behave in ways that, in hindsight, make them feel guilty or ashamed.

Common phrases: "I don't know...", "I suppose", "nothing happens".

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2. aggressive communication

This style of communication is characterized by the imposition of ideas and opinions over others. Emphasizes the egocentric posture of those who use this style of communication and therefore not respecting the feelings and needs of the other.

It is usually a unidirectional communication style, where opinions are expressed in a demanding and threatening way. People with this communication style tend to have a tense and authoritarian posture, with a raised tone of voice. They also frequently interrupt the other person.

This type of communication can have negative consequences for the person. For example, in the workplace and in social relationships it can trigger conflicts and rejection of others, moving away. Likewise, aggressive communication can lead to emotional disturbances characterized by impotence, rage or frustration.

Common phrases: “you should…”, “you should…”, “that is not so”.

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3. Passive-aggressive communication

As the name suggests, It is a combination of the two previous styles. Passive-aggressive people are characterized by not being direct, that is, they use indirect ways to say what they think. They avoid resolving the conflict directly with the specific person and will turn to other people to alleviate their discomfort. Your non-verbal language may not correspond to your verbal language. For example, they can throw dirty looks, but not express that they are upset.

4. Assertive communication

Stable and firm voice. It does not denote insecurity, and the person remains firm in the message that he wants to convey. The person talks about her feelings and needs honestly and openly. She is calm and her body posture is calm. It is not characterized by recriminating the other, it usually focuses on how the person has experienced the situation, how you felt and how you would like it to be. Unlike aggressive communication, it is a two-way style, where the other person is taken into account.

Common phrases: "What do you think?" "I think that..." "I want to...".

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To do?

Depending on the circumstances of each person and their learning history, there may be a tendency to present one communication style or another. However, this is not an impediment to training an adequate communication style that promotes the development of healthy personal, work or family relationships.

From professional psychological support such as the one offered by PsicoAlmería, therapies aimed at improve both the assertive communication style and improve the different social skills. Working these techniques we will achieve an increase in self-esteem.

In addition, to work on assertive communication there are different tools that can be used both personally and at work. An assertive person:

• She knows how to say "no" when she sees it necessary and shows her position towards something.
• You can call in favors and react appropriately to an attack.
• He knows how to express his feelings. To achieve assertive communication there are three basic steps:
• Describe the situation objectively.
• Express how you feel from the self, without recriminating the other person.
• Make the request.

These steps can be shown with An example any. Imagine that your partner or roommate always leaves their slippers lying around the living room. It is something that bothers you, since you like to have a tidy house. One day you come home and trip over your slippers. You get angry and wait for your partner to get home to recriminate her that she always does the same thing, that she is a dump and that you are fed up. In the end, you end up arguing and you stop talking for a few days.

Using the same scenario, imagine that once this person gets home from work, you decide to talk to him/her.

First, you describe the situation objectively: "I came home and tripped over your slippers that were in the living room." Then you say how you feel: “it bothered me, since I don't like to see the room messy” and finally the request is made: “could you not leave the slippers in the room, please? Following these steps does not ensure that tomorrow the shoes will not be in the room again, but at least a conflict derived from the bad communication.

Concluding…

In short, to have healthy relationships, assertiveness is essential. know how to say what we think honestly and respectfully with the other. The help of a psychologist can be of great help to change these communicative styles that move away from assertiveness.

Therefore, if you identify with any of these communication styles, you can seek the help of a professional, such as the psychologists at PsychoAlmería both online and face-to-face, which will provide you with the necessary tools to have assertive communication.