How to improve communication in coaching: calibration and rapport

Neurolinguistic Programming, by focusing on the relationship between thought, language and behavior, is a very helpful methodology for coaches professionals, since it offers numerous tools and resources to use so that the work with the client is more effective, improving any process of coaching.

Within the wide range of NLP tools and techniques that can be used in the practice of coaching, there are two that we would like to talk about in this article. They are useful to establish an effective, trusting and fluid communication between coach and coachee, something key for the help and support process to be successful. We refer to calibration and rapport (or synchrony).

• Related article: "The 10 basic communication skills"

Calibration

When we talk about calibration, of 'calibrating the other person', we are talking about observation; of look deeply at the interlocutor, what he does, what he says and how he says it, to collect all the possible information that helps to understand it in a complete and global way.

This observation is based on pay special attention to the following points:

• Macro behaviors, such as gestures, body posture, tone, rhythm and volume of the voice, and even breathing (if it is more or less deep...).
• Microbehaviours, such as the movements that occur in the muscles of the face (frown, eyes, lips...), the color of the skin, etc.
• Language: the words and expressions you use. There are recurring expressions, use of certain generalizations (everyone, nobody, etc.) and distortions that provide a lot of information. There is an important part of NLP that works especially with this and is known as the language metamodel.
• Your model of the world: predominant sensory system (visual, kinesthetic or auditory), your beliefs, your values, etc.

With all the information provided by all these observed points we can better understand how this person when talking to us (nervous, angry, upset, etc.), if she is attentive or not, if she is more or less receptive, etc. Ultimately, they are data that allows us to be prepared to take full advantage of the next resource.

• You may be interested: "Business coaching: much more than executive coaching"

Rapport or synchronicity

Has it ever happened to you that when talking to a person, even if they are not from your closest circle, you have noticed that the conversation flowed perfectly, that you were comfortable, that there was an understanding that facilitated the communication? It is not magic, it is what in NLP is called rapport or the creation of harmony with another person.

The rapport It is a technique that aims create an environment of trust and mutual cooperation in the conversation so that there are no distortions, prejudices or other impediments, but rather that healthy listening and feedback take place.

This synchrony occurs naturally and without realizing it with people similar to us. Precisely by working on rapport, what is sought is to consciously achieve that same wavelength with people with whom the conversation is not so natural and simple, but it needs to be, as it can happen, precisely, in a coaching process.

The actions or steps you can take to achieve rapport or synchrony with the client are the following:

• When asking, answering or giving an opinion, use words that are similar or even the same as those of the interlocutor. In this case, reformulate with the same words can be a good resource, or use terms similar to those of the other person that bring you closer to their map.
• Reflect the position of the coachee: we are not talking about imitating the other, but about welcoming and responding to their movements and gestures. If before we talked about using the same language, now the key is to move your body to the rhythm of theirs. For example, if the other person moves in the chair a lot while she speaks, respond to him by not being upright or completely still; move too, but in a subtle way.
• Match breathing and tone of voice: being in the same volume of voice and with the same intensity of breathing helps to match the other person.

Once the coach is synchronized with the coachee through these actions and that interpersonal connection has been established, what is known as ‘centre-to-centre’ communication takes place, since it is from unconscious to unconscious and, in this sense, the coach can use it to improve various aspects of the session such as, for example, gradually bringing the agitated and stressed breathing of the coachee to a slower and calmer one.

• Related article: "What is social psychology?"

Definitely…

Although calibration and rapport are independent, they are still linked, since they complement each other perfectly, as we have seen in the article. In fact, it will be an optimal initial calibration that will allow establishing an excellent synchrony or rapport with the client.

In D'Arte Human & Business School not only do we delve into the use of Calibration and rapport in the different NLP trainings that we teach, but they are also studied as an important part of communication in a coaching process within our Own Master in Professional Coaching with IE and Practitioner in NLP.