I feel that I am left behind in life: what to do?

It happens to many people that, without knowing how they got to that situation, they compare themselves with others and notice how at some point in life is no longer on the path that leads to what you would like to become, to what you would like to be dedicating your life to. weather.

This is what happens when we reach an age where we consider that we should have already achieved certain goals and, looking around us, we have the impression that the people around us have advanced in their lives and we have remained stagnant.

It is a type of discomfort in which dissatisfaction with what we do and with what we have achieved so far, which seem to us experiences banal or meaningless, is combined with low self-esteem to the point where it is difficult to know where one thing ends and another begins. other. Let's see what to do with this experience, and what it is due to.

• Related article: "Existential crisis: when we do not find meaning in our lives"

The main causes of this type of crisis

The vital crises linked to this feeling of stagnation

They are multi-causal and complex phenomena., so there is never a single cause or single trigger. Now, there are several psychosocial aspects of special relevance when it comes to explaining most of these situations, and they are the ones that I will explain below.

1. The myth of personal success

The way in which we assess whether we are progressing or stagnant in life is often mediated by the concept of “success”, or at least what we consider success to be. This, in turn, is strongly linked to a series of experiences that we do not consider positive because we give them meaning by our own means, but because through social dynamics have been extolled for years, decades, as representations of everything to aspire to. In other words, in most cases, the more we obsess over achieving that concept of success, the more we are left at the mercy of it. at the mercy of obsessions that have been artificially created simply to have something that represents the unattainable and the exclusive.

• You may be interested: "Personal Development: 5 reasons for self-reflection"

2. Gender roles

Here we have another example of how our idea of ​​"what we should become" it is strongly influenced by expectations that have been operating for a long time and that we have internalized and assumed as if they were our own. Gender roles make us feel certain behaviors as inappropriate for a man or a woman, and this predisposes us to feel alienated from much of what we would really be interested in doing with our lives.

• Related article: "5 examples of gender roles (and their effects on society)"

3. peer pressure

At a more “micro” level, but staying within the scope of social phenomena, we have the social pressure that we sometimes receive from our relatives, our circle of friends, or even sometimes by part of the community that makes up our neighborhood or our neighbors of the village. Our way of imagining what we should become too It is delimited from what we believe that these people consider acceptable or unacceptable, desirable or undesirable.

• You may be interested: "Social pressure: what it is, characteristics and how it affects us"

4. Fear of opening up to new projects and experiences

Not everything is due to what comes to us from outside, from the society in which we are inserted or have been inserted; There are also personal aspects that lead us to self-sabotage in the processes of personal development. And one of the most important is the fear of giving ambitious new projects or new lifestyles a chance.

There are those who maintain an overly conservative perspective when deciding what to do with their own lives, deciding, for example, that at a certain age they can no longer choose another professional career, despite having evidence that they learn on their own about other disciplines by self-interest and that even despite not dedicating themselves to it, they have made great progress, which could be multiplied if they invested in it more hours, and even though precisely at that stage of life they already have economic stability that allows them to experiment more with what is does. In addition, this fear leads to self-confirmation bias, reinforcing this vicious circle of passivity in the face of opportunities for change that appear on a daily basis.

• Related article: "What is fear? Characteristics of this emotion"

To do?

If the discomfort is very intense and/or has been part of your daily life for several months, the most effective and recommended option is seeking professional help in the context of psychotherapy; In this way, your case will be attended to in a personalized way and you will have continuous support throughout the process in which it is they give you guidelines and exercises to better manage your emotions and the way in which you interpret your reality and relate to she. But beyond the realm of therapy, there are some general tips that can help you; are the following.

1. Reorganize priorities and reconnect with the values ​​of the present

In most cases, it is necessary to re-examine oneself and not assume that what we want corresponds to what we liked a decade or more ago. It's about starting from the present moment and treating ourselves like a real person., not as a continuation of someone who existed long ago and who raised expectations that have not been met. To do this, putting our concerns and thoughts into words in a diary is usually very helpful.

2. Propose at least one exciting long-term project and start from there

This project should not even be profitable nor should it be professional in nature; the important thing is to break with the routine and enter into a dynamic in which we can show ourselves that we have a great capacity to learn that does not decline radically with age; once you've taken that step, it will be much more spontaneous and easier for you to keep proposing things that are meaningful to you.

3. Stop seeing failures as something purely negative

Gaining experience and trying out opportunities involves making mistakes and failing; There are no short cuts. What it is about is making decisions responsibly and anticipating the possible complications that may arise and the implications of things going wrong for us, in order to improve our resilience in the face of crises.

• Related article: "How to learn from mistakes: 9 effective tips"

4. Do not have celebrities and influencers as references

If when you think of success you think of those people, it is precisely because have been selected to represent that, because they are good at appearing self-improvement, money and fame, and withstand the test of generating constant content about their lives without people getting tired of seeing that on social networks, ads, etc. But that does not mean, far from it, that you should have those figures as references.

5. Share your experiences with others

Personal development is never a purely individual phenomenon, and the only way to fully enjoy it is, in the vast majority of cases, to share our experiences, our achievements and failures with other people. This can be done by moving to incorporate the possibility of talking with people with similar projects or hobbies into our social life. to ours, or with people interested in hearing, talking about it and conversing from a role of learners or simply spectators curious. These types of social networks act as an element of motivation and support, even in the first phase in which we turn our lives around and start something exciting.

Do you want to start a process of psychological therapy to face an emotional crisis?

If you feel that you are going through difficult times and need psychotherapeutic assistance to get through page and experience progress that brings you closer to happiness, I invite you to get in touch with me.

My name is Cardona King Pigeon and I am a General Health Psychologist; I can offer you my services in person and through the format of online therapy by video calls.