6 keys to combat self-sabotage and meet goals

All people throughout their lives have tried at some time to generate a change in their lives. This change can be a personal change, such as quitting smoking, or a professional change, such as working for a promotion.

However, it is a fact that changes cause fear and that this fear of leaving our comfort zone can make us truncate our attempts at success. Avoiding these attempts is not easy, but throughout this article they are shown. several keys to combat self-sabotage.

• Related article: "5 ways of thinking that can limit your mind"

Why does self-sabotage appear?

There are a large number of reasons why people end up interfering, more or less unconsciously, in their path to success or the achievement of any goal or objective.

Usually, the reasons why this tends to happen are related to self-concept. That is, with the opinion that the person has about himself. This opinion originates and shapes throughout life, so changing it is complicated, but not impossible.

This self-concept is configured from the first years of a person's life. Therefore, it is essential that during childhood the child receives messages of support and security, since the opinion that this is formed about his capacity during this moment will accompany him practically during the rest of his life.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

The importance of self-concept

It is common for those people who during their childhood and adolescence develop a high self-perception of failure or mediocrity find more difficulties in achieving their goals or dreams. However, this perception of oneself can be transformed and reversed if the person is willing to do so.

Taking into account all of the above, the main requirement to end self-sabotage is that the person is aware of what are the beliefs that she has about herself, and what ideas about her identity have been repeated throughout her life? life. This way he can begin to modify them so they don't get in the way of his success.

There are hundreds of ways to sabotage oneself, from small, almost unconscious behaviors to significant behaviors with which the person he knows in advance that he is frustrating his attempts to achieve something. Some of the most recognizable manifestations that a person is self-sabotaging are:

• Use lack of time as an excuse to not do what you would like but that you are afraid of.
• Continually putting less relevant tasks before or with less feared consequences.
• Substitute immediate reward behaviors not to face the problem.

How to combat self-sabotage?

As mentioned above, the first step in combating self-sabotage is that the person recognizes that within him there are a series of harmful beliefs and that they are sabotaging their attempts to progress.

Likewise, it is necessary to be aware that, despite the fact that there are hundreds of circumstances that can condition our successes or failures, the person himself is responsible for his decisions and above all of those decisions that end up becoming self-sabotage.

Once these beliefs are recognized and with the motivation appropriate to change the person can already begin to carry out a series of good habits that prevent you from falling back into self-sabotage. Some of these habits consist of:

1. Be convinced that it is possible

As discussed throughout the article, beliefs about ourselves determine our perception of everything we do. In this way, if we believe in advance that we are not going to achieve something or believe that we are not going to be up to the task, this will surely end up happening.

Therefore, the first step to avoid self-sabotage is to begin to change our beliefs and, little by little, start to believe that we can make it.

2. work motivation

Most of the time, people do not see their projects or aspirations come true because they do not have the necessary techniques or skills to work and develop their motivation. So many great intentions or great ideas do not see the light only because the motivation and commitment have been declining along the way.

Some tips to stay motivated, remember why we started a project and commit to it are:

• Start a project journal describing what you want to achieve; write down aspirations, goals and how we feel while we do it.
• Explain our project to a few trusted people. If our aspirations are externalized, they become more tangible and, in addition, our commitment to them will increase.
• Develop an action plan. On many occasions we fail in our attempts to achieve any goal simply because we do not know exactly what steps to follow. To avoid this and dodge the fear of the unknown, it is best to write a small script that shows us the different steps or stages to follow.

3. go slowly

No matter how motivated a person starts a project, if he starts in a very intense way or trying to achieve huge goals you are likely to tire more easily, or even experience feelings of frustration at not being able to reach them.

Taking into account that great things are not achieved in a short time, the best option to achieve a large goal is to break it down into smaller, more accessible goals. Also, these small goals have the advantage of enhancing our effectiveness and changing our self-concept, causing the negative beliefs we have about ourselves to change to better.

4. Be aware that it will not be an easy path

Knowing that both the path we have to travel and the changes in our lives that this may bring about are not going to be easy prepares us to deal with them more effectively.

Changes imply leaving our comfort zone and facing new unknown situations, so if we are aware of this discomfort and psyched ourselves up to stand firm despite it, we will find ourselves much closer to the success.

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5. find a balance

One of the most effective techniques when facing major changes in our lives is to try to maintain stability both mentally, physically and emotionally. If we manage to maintain balance on these three levels, we will find ourselves much calmer and we will eliminate possible interference that may alter the development of our projects.

It is true that this cannot be achieved overnight, but through effort and tenacity we can achieve it. If our mind is in order, if we provide energy to our body and if we maintain emotional stability, the achievement of our objectives will be much simpler and lighter.

6. Know the external influences

Our social context, family environment and friends can exert a great influence on us, and this does not have to be always good. On many occasions our attempts to change or achieve an objective do not come to fruition because our environment limits them.

For example, a person who wants to quit smoking will find it much more difficult to quit if there are people who smoke in one of their environments, such as work or friends.

In this way, if we know what these limitations or obstacles are that we can find, it will be much easier for us to overcome them. A good way to integrate them is make a list of possible obstacles that we can meet along the way.

Marta Torres, Psychologist and Coach