Self-esteem: how it can be treated in psychotherapy

Self-esteem is the fundamental basis of people's psychological well-being. Therefore, it is one of the most important aspects of most psychotherapy processes.

In this article We will see how self-esteem is worked from psychological therapy, and in what sense this benefits patients.

• Related article: "The 4 types of self-esteem: do you value yourself?"

The components of self-esteem

Self-esteem is the evaluation we make of ourselves. We can synthesize it in these five "cars", its components and constituent parts:

1. self knowledge

Consists in know what your characteristics are, your weaknesses, strengths, needs…

2. self-assessment

Once you have your characteristics clear, touch see how you value them, that is to say, if in a positive or negative way, broadly speaking.

3. self acceptance

There are things that we can and want to change about ourselves and others that we may not like and we must accept them as they are.

4. self respect

It is the previous step to a healthy self-esteem. Is about look for our well-being, meet our needs and treat us with the love we deserve.

5. positive self esteem

It is based on all the previous points, and on the fact that we are looking for a healthy self-esteem, that is, one that is neither too low (underestimation), neither high (narcissism) nor conditional (loving ourselves if we achieve certain achievements and if not despise us). A healthy self-esteem is unconditional.

What do we understand by balanced self-love?

Healthy self-esteem can be defined as a positive attitude towards oneself, based on a realistic self-image that has to do with who we really are. It means accepting us unconditionally, without this acceptance depending on the achievement of certain achievements or the assessment of other people and attend to our needs and personal well-being. It also influences this if we relate satisfactorily with the rest.

It must be differentiated from low self-esteem, in which we distortedly value ourselves more negatively than we deserve, and from a narcissistic self-esteem, in which the person tends to overestimate himself, or conditional self-esteem, which depends on the achievement of certain achievements.

We can imagine healthy self-esteem as a balanced scale between our “real self”, more related to self-concept, that is, how we see ourselves, and our “ideal self” referring to how we would like to be.

This "ideal self" responds to our "potential self" so we must be cautious, since it is important to have goals and a desire to improve, but it is not It is convenient to have too high self-demands since we will not reach them or, if we do, we will be suffering when we stop do it.

Can self-esteem be worked on in therapy?

Despite the fact that self-esteem has been forged, to a large extent, in our childhood and youth, It is something that can be worked on in adulthood through psychological therapy. In fact, it is one of the main requests we receive in our office, Mariva Psychologists.

When working on self-esteem in psychotherapy, we do so by intervening in each of the 5 constitutive elements that we have mentioned, and providing tools in these areas:

1. cognitive area

The role of thoughts is paramount, being one of the main objectives of the therapy the relaxation of the “shoulds” that we we impose, that is, of self-demands, as well as distorted beliefs that we may have about ourselves.

Is about reverse all those destructive and distorted thoughts that we have about ourselves in a self-dialogue that we are not usually aware of.

2. behavioral area

In this area we work, among other aspects, the practice of assertive rights, social skills, we stress the importance of doing pleasant tasks... In general, it is sought that the person learns to take care of himself and, also, that he experiences a greater sense of usefulness.

On the other hand, social relationships are very relevant to generate healthy self-esteem, and therefore the quality of communicative and expressive skills is enhanced.

3. emotional area

It is important to cultivate self-compassion, work on our emotions as well as analyze how we see ourselves (real me) and how we would want to know (ideal me) trying to balance this scale that is usually very uneven.

We will promote emotions of kindness, since if we can be kind to each other... why not with ourselves?

• You may be interested in: "The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)"

So... Could I improve my self-esteem if I go to the psychologist?

The answer to the question of whether self-esteem can be improved in therapy is a resounding yes. In fact, as we mentioned, it is one of the main demands currently in our practice in Valencia, since if self-esteem is low, the person is not feeling well and considerable suffering is generated which can even cause anxiety to develop, low mood, damage social and/or partner relationships, etc.

Working on self-esteem is a process that, despite having a hard part, is very rewarding for the person who goes through it and for the therapist who accompanies them. This process begins with an adequate psychological evaluation to know the specific problem of the person, and what techniques are the most appropriate for him or her. The use of these techniques continues to end when a great improvement in self-esteem is achieved, which must continue to be cared for, just as you would take care of your most precious asset.

If you think about it, it's like any other love. You have to know how to love, eliminate toxic relationships and, when you discover healthy love, you have to continue taking care of it. Why not do the same with self-love?

Bibliographic references:

• Baumeister, R. F.; Campbell, J. D.; Kruger, J. YO.; Vohs, K. d. (2003). Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles?. Psychological Science in the Public Interest. 4 (1): 1 - 44.
• Marsh, H.W. (1990). Causal ordering of academic self-concept and academic achievement: A multiwave, longitudinal path analysis. Journal of Educational Psychology. 82 (4): 646 - 656.