Mini guide to get through the breakup of a relationship

The breakup of a relationship can be thought of as a wave that breaks while we are quietly enjoying the sea. Some surprise us, and others we see coming from afar.

In the couple, there are times when the atmosphere becomes more tense, like a turbulent sea, they begin the disagreements, the discomfort, that is why we think of it as a wave that unpredictably crosses. But Once the relationship has broken, there are some strategies that help us get through that difficult stage.

• Related article: "The 3 stages of heartbreak and its psychological consequences"

Keys to get through the bad times after the breakup of a relationship

Here are some recommendations on how to get through this wave that we feel is taking us from one moment to the next, so that we can surf it with greater conviction, going through the discomfort effectively and facing that emotional crisis with resilience.

1. Lean on your closest links

When we do not know how to swim, it is not the same to be in the sea alone, than to be accompanied. That's why it can be of great help to us.

identify at least three people to turn to for support, talk when we feel alone, or distract ourselves by doing some activity together.

2. Consolidates and strengthens other bonds of friendship or couples

When we end a relationship, all the attention that we had placed on the other person becomes towards ourselves, and it feels like a void that we don't know what to fill with, and that usually generates a lot of distress.

Many times, dedicating this attention that we dedicated to a single person to new people, can help us to surf the wave. This is why it can help us to identify at least three links that we would like to consolidate or strengthen from now on, they can be friends, family, or people we do not know that much, but before which we believe that we could build a friendship if we dedicate time and attention to them.

• You may be interested in: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

3. Try new things, distract yourself, learn a new activity

If we are in the middle of the sea and we do not know how to swim, it can help us to enter with a board, floats, elements that help us feel more secure. In a couple breakup, it is also necessary to have certain elements that help us cope without the wave wearing us.

This is why it is important to identify some activities that we could do to distract ourselves in the moments in which we begin to think about how much we miss or love that person. They can be new activities, such as a sport or hobbies that we have always wanted to try or try, or things that we enjoy. do from our home, such as making a delicious meal, watching a movie, sitting in the sun, sharing time with your pet, among others.

• Related article: "10 psychologically healthy daily habits, and how to apply them to your life"

4. Identify your catastrophic thoughts

While we are in the sea, and we observe that a wave is coming, our emotions may increase in intensity, to seek to protect ourselves, this leads us to have some “extreme” or “catastrophic” thoughts, usually these thoughts include words like “everything”, “always”, “nothing”, “never”, “everyone”, "nobody".

Catastrophic thoughts lead us to see events in a distorted way, we all have these types of thoughts when we are faced with an intense emotion, the important thing is to be able to identify them and think about the situation in a way that is more adjusted to reality, which, in turn, will help us feel calmer. A very helpful resource is to identify “catastrophic” thoughts that come to mind when we feel sad or afraid due to the breakup of the relationship.

• You may be interested in: "6 limiting beliefs, and how they harm us on a day-to-day basis"

5. Find an alternative to your catastrophic thoughts

After having identified those dysfunctional thoughts, what we need is to look for a more realistic alternative to these thoughts, a thought that helps us feel better when thinking about the situation in this way. For example, if we had thought "I will never find someone the same", a more adjusted alternative to the facts would be “I already went through this, and I found someone again” / “I can meet someone else that I like and want".

6. Remember that the pain will pass

When the wave that crossed us in the sea passes, we are disheveled, tired, and after a while we rejoin ourselves and be the same as we were before the wave crossed us. Although the pain for the loss of the person we loved is something that only lasts for a while, many times we may see it as something endless. It is important that you remember that All emotion and all crisis is temporary.

Going through a breakup is a painful situation for anyone; however, the more resources and tools we incorporate during the course of mourning, the better prepared we will be to continue rebuilding our lives.