Positive egoism: the other side of the coin

For most people, selfishness is inherently negative.; The acts that set us back as a society and seriously affect other people come from individuals who do not notice the effect that their actions can cause on third parties.

Moreover, the RAE defines selfishness as: immoderate and excessive love for oneself, which makes one attend excessively to one's own interest, without taking care of that of others. Everything makes us think that there are no positive qualities for this phenomenon; however, it is in my interest, and for a long time, to look at it from another perspective, from the side of self-regulation and balance.

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The importance of balanced self-regulation

When I talk about self-regulation and balance, I mean the natural ability of our organism (body and mind) to meet its own needs.

If I feel dryness in my mouth and throat, I identify the feeling of thirst and the need to drink water, I take energy to come into contact with the world (go for the glass of water), and cover my need, in order to return to balance (return to the repose). This also happens with our psychological needs, and our emotions are the guide that shows us the way to satisfy them.

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let's give an example

Let's say that a person cares a lot about others, does everything possible not to make them uncomfortable, pays attention to each opportunity he has that they lack nothing, and is constantly on the lookout to help them cover their needs; Without a doubt, this person is considered the complete opposite of an egoist, we could call him/her altruistic, kind, kind, etc. Everything looks good so far; Now, the problem is that this person, by constantly being aware of the needs of others, you run the risk of losing sight of the satisfaction of yours, and this can bring multiple negative consequences.

By being aware of the outside world, he loses contact with his internal world, stops being connected to his emotions, and many times he does not even know what he is feeling; If you don't know what you feel, much less what you need to return to balance, you must remember at this point How many times have you been asked what you want and you haven't been able to answer... you reach the uncomfortable moment of "I don't know what wanna". This causes our choices to debate between what is convenient + what is better + what we should do + what is expected of us... And almost never in what would make us happy, unfortunately because it is not we know.

Being a very generous person, eventually you will realize that what you are giving is not reciprocated, you will feel disappointed, since you spent your personal and emotional resources on others, and you did not have conscience, strength, or time to deal with what you lack; and as "we must cover the needs of others" then "others must cover our needs".

This demand brings with it many problems related to trust in others, the perception of injustice, hopelessness and resentment. In other words, this philosophy of life has a lot of potential to embitter the life of whoever maintains it.

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Understanding positive egoism

Therefore, I do not look badly at selfishness if it invites us to look inward, connect with our emotions, see where they take us, what we need to be better, take energy from our body and come into contact with the world, with reality, to give us what we lack and return to our state of balance (homeostasis).

People who are concerned with themselves first, having their priorities covered, are more open to looking at others, taking care of them and being more generous. By having their needs covered, it is easier for them to recognize those of others, they have time, awareness and energy to help and give of themselves.

In conclusion

There is nothing wrong with looking to take care of yourself first, trying to be selfish from time to time, covering yourself, and when you already have what is yours, see what those around you need with much more patience and harmony. To achieve this, you can start with very simple questions: how do I feel today? What do I want now? What do I need to be better? This will bring you closer to being more connected with your inner world and with the present reality, to take care of yourself.

If you feel that you put others before yourself and you want to change that, or you feel a genuine desire to get more in touch with your emotions and needs, I invite you to write to me; now is a good time to start your search process.