How to manage emotional discomfort before a Valentine's Day alone

It is clear that being alone is not the same as feeling lonely, and few moments of the year reflect this fact better than Valentine's Day. Some people who don't have a partner experience those 24 hours just like they would any other day, while others have a really bad time and prefer to do everything possible to avoid thinking about what marks the calendar.

If you are among those who make up this second group of single people, keep reading. Here I will give some general advice on What to do in the face of emotional discomfort unleashed by a Valentine's Day without having a partner.

What is the cause of psychological discomfort before a Valentine's Day alone?

There are two main types of situations in which some people who are not married or have a boyfriend or girlfriend can feel very bad during Valentine's Day.

In the first place, there are those who have recently left a loving relationship and are still being affected by the psychological duel that it produces After all, the end of a courtship or marriage is experienced as a loss

of something to which we were united by a strong affective bond and which no longer accompanies us in the present, so we have to adapt to a new reality, a process that is usually emotionally exhausting.

Secondly, we have those who live being single as a problem because they have been looking to start a relationship for a long time and they do not see themselves as capable of it; in this case, the discomfort is not associated with the loss, but rather with problems of self-esteem and in some cases to the envy generated by those who seem to be happy in a marriage or courtship.

In these two kinds of situations, Valentine's Day acts as a catalyst for the psychological vulnerabilities that were already affecting the person; This time of the year brings up multiple reminders about what it's supposed to be like in a perfect relationship. or, in some cases, about the expectations generated around marriage as one of the phases on the road to success staff.

In other words, the promotional and media machinery organized around this day of the year makes many people feel obliged to position themselves before what is supposed to be "true love", the relationship of a couple perfect, and Even those who criticize this tradition do so because they feel the social pressure to react to what a Valentine's Day alone or with a partner means..

• Related article: "Unwanted loneliness: what it is and how we can fight it"

Tips to manage emotional discomfort before a Valentine without having a partner

The first thing you should be clear about is that, as with all psychological problems, each case is unique, which means that there cannot be a 100% infallible manual of steps to follow to feel good on Valentine's Day. Valentine.

The solution is to take into account both the context in which we live, the context in which we have lived, and our personal characteristics. And precisely because it is best to focus on the experience of each individual, the most effective way to address these cases consists of going to psychotherapy, since psychology professionals study the particularities of each patient. However, if at the moment you are not considering taking this step or want to combine it with extra help, follow these tips as general guidelines and recommendations.

1. Accept what you feel in the present

First of all, it is important that you do not come to the conclusion that the emotional discomfort generated for a Valentine's Day alone can be overcome by denying that discomfort, pretending not to existed. That it will only lead you to feel worse from the frustration of not being able to block that feeling nor the intrusive thoughts associated with unwanted loneliness or nostalgia for a relationship that has already ended.

Accept what you feel in the here and now to stop limiting yourself to reacting to it without being able to take the initiative. To turn the page you must be able to understand where you are in your life and not deny what affects you.

• You may be interested in: "Self-knowledge: definition and 8 tips to improve it"

2. Turn emotional discomfort into a motivating force

Anguish, unwanted loneliness and other experiences linked to emotional pain can be transformed into something that motivates us to progress in our lives; After all, if uncomfortable emotions exist, it's for a reason. The question is not to avoid feeling bad, it is to avoid entering a loop of self-sabotage and self-punishment as if we were to blame for going through bad times.

In this case, you can use that discomfort as a sign that you should come to terms with your past and your present, learn from your mistakes, and look to the future in a constructive way. Emotional discomfort can be rephrased as a signal that we should "force ourselves" to do things that are beyond our comfort zone (which in these cases it usually consists of escaping from the present through hobbies that do not require effort or concentration, such as eating without hunger or watching the television) and restructure our day to day to connect with projects that excite and motivate us: start once and for all to write the novel that we have been planning for years, launching ourselves to make friends in the app that we had resisted using, starting to study a language with which we feel an affinity space etc

3. Do not neglect the rest of the facets of love beyond the couple

Although Valentine's Day is associated with a strong cultural charge that "is given to us" through the society in which you live (for example, through television commercials, romantic movies, etc.), we always have leeway to give it meaning. distinct; that is, to make a Valentine to our measure. For example, you can transform these dates into an excuse to do activities with the family or with other loved ones, giving new meaning to the traditions linked to this day. Have you ever wondered if you have friends or friends who are going through something similar to what is happening to you and who would appreciate having plans with you?

• Related article: "The 4 types of love: what different kinds of love are there?"

4. Do not neglect healthy routines

You should adopt a series of self-care routines (physical and mental) to prevent these bad moments lead you to "get hooked" on a bad habit, something relatively common in those who go through a crisis. Cases of relapses into addictions that one believed were overcome (for example, smoking) and sleep problems generated by an unstructured schedule and difficulties sleeping at the time we it suits. Once this has happened, it is more difficult to return to the path of healthy habits. and, at the same time, we are more vulnerable to anxiety.

5. If you are sad on Valentine's Day, reconcile with being single

Do not forget that there is no natural law that says that the "normal" way to live life is to have a partner. It is perfectly possible to be happy being single, and in fact, not having a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife has a series of advantages that should be considered. In fact, It may be a good time for you to write it in a list and then the orders according to the importance you give them.

Could it be that he developed Valentine's Day depression?

The fact that you feel sad does not mean that you have depression for Valentine's Day, nor does it imply that you have developed a psychopathology. Normally, this type of temporary experience is not enough by itself to leave psychopathological sequelae that have the capacity to last in the medium or long term. Now, it is important that if you notice that this day affects you a lot emotionally, do not neglect your mental health and keep track of your state of mind; for example, by filling out a journal before going to sleep each night. If you notice that the weeks go by and you still feel bad, It is recommended that you attend psychotherapy.

Keep in mind that your discomfort does not have to fit the diagnostic criteria for a psychological disorder for you to see a psychologist. For example, the grief caused by the end of a love relationship rarely becomes a psychopathology, but there are many who choose to go to therapy and benefit from it.

• You may be interested in: "Types of depression: its symptoms, causes and characteristics"

Do you need professional psychological support?

If you are looking for psychotherapy services due to emotional problems, I invite you to contact me.

My name is Dove King CardonaI am a General Health Psychologist, and I care for people of all ages; Sessions can be held in person or via video calls.