'I don't get over a break up hoping my ex will come back'

Normally, we assume that hope is a good feeling, that it brings us well-being, by leading us to think about a better future. However, this is not so in all cases. For example, there are those who cannot get over a breakup with their ex precisely because they keep hoping that person will come back.

The truth is that overcoming this type of rupture is not an easy task for everyone, since some people They may refuse to turn the page and become obsessed with the hope of getting back together with their ex-partner, which which inevitably leads them to become frustrated and unable to improve their present situation, since, naturally, they have no control over the feelings of that person.

How to get over a breakup and let go of hope that your ex will come back

In today's article we will see a series of guidelines, tips and strategies for practical use that are They can be used in case a person becomes obsessed with getting back with his ex-partner after a breakup painful.

1. Your happiness does not depend on anyone else

Most people who are obsessed with getting back together with their old partner do so because have a low self-image or self-confidence in themselves, mistakenly believing that they can never be happy if it is not with their ex-partner and that it is precisely the other person who makes them happy and gives them everything they need in life.

The first thing that we must be clear about to overcome a breakup is that our happiness does not depend on anyone but us and that we are going to be happy with whoever, even when we are alone.

This learning is of great importance for those people with low self-esteem or who present cases of emotional dependence and it is a concept that must be worked on daily until we convince ourselves that happiness is found in oneself and not in the couple.

• Related article: "What is love? (And what isn't)"

2. accept your thoughts

Accepting our obsession with the ex-partner is the first step to overcome it, that's why psychology professionals We recommend positively accepting our obsessive ideas and our need to return to that person, as a process to overcome them; accept those ideas as something transitory.

Trying to avoid your own obsessive thoughts will only make them stronger and more rooted in the mind, that is why we must accept them without any haste or anxiety so that they become go.

Once our thoughts are accepted, we will be able, with the passage of time and the implementation of a series of cognitive exercises, to overcome the addiction to our ex.

3. Don't force the other person

Avoiding forcing our ex-partner to feel the same as us is another of the basic rules of coexistence and civility that we must follow to overcome the breakup in the best possible way.

The same way, It is important not to try to change that person with whom we have ended the relationship, since if we are with someone it is because we like how that person really is.

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4. You must want to be okay without this person

To overcome a love break we must want by all means to be without that person and feel good in their absence.

To achieve this commitment to overcome our partner, it is important to have gone through enough negative experiences in the past that make us feel that this cycle is over and that the break is inevitable.

5. focus on you

Once the relationship is over, you must focus on yourself; take care of yourself at all times and devote yourself to satisfying your needs, desires, dreams and vital objectives.

This means that you must maintain your physical and mental health, continue to follow healthy habits (eat right, exercise, etc.) and put your priorities above everything else.

Breakups are often used to resume old hobbies and leisure activities or to start some new ones with the aim of getting to know ourselves better and progressively forgetting our old couple.

• Related article: "Psychological well-being: 15 habits to achieve it"

6. free yourself from guilt

Some people may continue to carry a feeling of guilt after the breakup; a guilt that paralyzes them and leads them to enter a vicious circle of self-contempt and self-imposed punishment, which causes them added pain to the discomfort and suffering of the breakup. This is not productive, because it is a way of refusing to learn from mistakes, by not thinking about the possibility of improving as romantic partners.

Believing that the breakup was our fault and that we could have avoided it is common in people with low self-esteem or emotional problems and that will only help us to overcome the breakup more difficult.

On the contrary, instead of blaming ourselves for the breakup, we must consciously work to improve our self-esteem and understand what lessons we can draw from what happened, being clear that sometimes a break is no one's fault and that it can provide us with experience for the future.

7. deidealize that person

When you idealize your partner, you run the risk of ending up depending on her. and of not conceiving that person as he really is.

To overcome the breakup, the main thing is to stop idealizing our ex-partner, analyzing all those things that he surely did wrong and all those aspects that made him be a normal human person and current.

8. Maintain an active social life

Human beings are social beings, which means that we need interaction with other people, especially in painful moments such as love breakups.

Being close to our loved ones, such as friends or family, will help us get through the break up much easier and we will be able to get good advice from those who love us the most.

• You may be interested in: "What is social psychology?"

9. Take your responsibility

Just as it is vitally important to free ourselves from guilt, after a breakup it is also essential analyze the possible responsibilities that we may have had in the same.

Instead of blaming the other person for the breakup and seeing ourselves as victims unable to make decisions, it is important that we become aware of our responsibility in case it exists, to be aware that we can act as adults, assuming command of our actions and being aware that only we create our destiny.

10. Look forward

Whenever we are struggling to get over a breakup and want to get back together with that person, it is important to progressively leave the past behind and look forward.

To do this, we must find everything that makes us motivated for the future and that gives us a reason to continue with the breakup process and forget our partner permanently.