Change your mind to change your life

“My mind exhausts me”, I can't stop thinking, I would love to turn it off. These are comments I often hear in therapy. Our thoughts influence how we feel. That is why it is so important to control what we think.

We have two types of emotions: survival and creative emotions.. Survival emotions are four: sadness, fear, anger and joy. I would add anxiety as a fundamental emotion in today's society. Creative emotions are those that make us feel well-being and personal satisfaction: love, generosity, surprise, creativity, enthusiasm, illusion, curiosity...

In order for the human being to be able to focus on generating well-being through creative emotions, we first need to release survival emotions. How is this done?

• Related article: "Emotional psychology: main theories of emotion"

survival emotions

The first thing is to detect that we are in survival mode. We know we are when we are very alert with the environment, the weather and the body. With the environment we can detect it with these types of thoughts: “why has this person told me this?”; "My boss shouldn't act like this"; "These things should not happen in the world"...

We are very alert with the body when we pay close attention to our physical body.: we look closely at our appearance or certain parts of it; hypervigilant with some physical symptomatology; if we think we have any illness or disease; when we notice the slightest perceptual change in our body.

Finally, we are focused on time when we have these kinds of thoughts: “I still have five hours left”; “how boring, what do I do the rest of the day”; "I don't have time to get to the places"...

These emotions are necessary for short periods, but chronic over time, they can cause disorders. Chronic sadness produces depression; Chronic anxiety produces anxiety disorders such as panic attacks, agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder... Chronic fear produces phobias. Chronic anger produces antisocial and disruptive behavior problems.

To manage emotions, we are going to distinguish three fundamental concepts:

1. mood

This is when we have a transitory emotion, then we say that we have an emotional state. For example: today I felt sad. If we spend a few hours or a few days, or a sad week, we can say that we have a sad emotional state.

2. Temper

When we've been feeling sad for months. For example, the melancholic or analytical temperament pays more attention to the negative that happens and the predominant state for a while is sadness.

3. personality trait

When we have a years feeling sad. So we can say that person is sad. It is a central feature that usually defines the person.

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To do?

What you have to try is not to chronicle these emotions of survival. Do not make them last over time. If we cannot do it alone, it is convenient to ask for psychological help.

How can we free them? If we feel sad, our body will behave apathetically, without energy, without wanting to do anything. To release sadness it is good to cry if we need it, or to look for introspective moments with ourselves. Tears are natural pain relievers. sadness means loss.

It can be the loss of a loved one, of a relationship, of some aspect of our personality, of oneself or of some vital situation. Therefore, it asks us to be with ourselves and we also need to feel cared for and loved. It may mean that we need a vital change.

When we feel anxiety, the emotional state is totally different. We are in alert mode, over activated and show excessive concern about the future, waiting for catastrophic events to occur. Anxiety is preceded by the thought: “what if…” Our anxious thoughts release cortisol. That is why it is so important to control these thoughts.

To release it, it is good to focus on our own breathing. Breathing deeply makes us return to the present moment and become aware of our body. It also helps us, cut those negative thoughts. Nip them in the bud. Do not argue with them, or judge us for having those thoughts. Just don't pay attention to them.

When we experience anger it is healthy to feel it bodily, but not reacting immediately after feeling it. Wait half an hour, or spend some time outside until we calm down, to be able to redirect anger constructively. Then we can communicate with the other person or set limits assertively, without hurting the other.

• Related article: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

Why is it important to release survival emotions?

When there is a thought, the neurons connect with each other and produce synapses. Thoughts, depending on their content, can release different neurotransmitters (chemical substances in the brain: serotonin, endorphins, dopamine, norepinephrine...). Emotion is energy in motion. It is our body's way of expressing how we feel. Therefore, we feel the emotion bodily.

If we feel anxiety or fear at specific moments, (moods), we release cortisol. It can be adaptive in situations that require it, such as feeling fear in a situation of real danger. It is adaptive so that we avoid or become paralyzed before an object of fear. For example, if a thief is going to rob us. But if we are afraid, anxious or sad for a prolonged period of time, we are going to release too much cortisol and therefore we can somatize. It would not be adaptive in the case of some positive experience that makes us grow and evolve, such as the fear of public speaking.

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creative emotions

Once we have released the survival emotions, then we are going to focus on the creative emotions. There we are going to use the frontal lobe. The “boss of the brain”, executive intelligence. It is the ability we have to adapt to the environment that surrounds us. Give an appropriate response to the situations we experience.

Executive intelligence makes us develop self-control, decision making, concentration, focus on our goals, our sense of identity, and seeing the long-term consequences of our behavior. This is where we can build the life we ​​want to have. Our brain thinks in the present. Whatever thought we have, the brain thinks it's real. That's why instead of focusing on avoiding or worrying about what doesn't happen, why don't we change our thinking and focus on what we want to happen?

You have to speak positively to the brain, not negatively. For example, if we want to be a more serene person, we have to pay attention to everything that makes us feel at peace with ourselves, to observe how they think, how they feel and how they behave. calm people, instead of thinking "I don't want to be so nervous", or "I don't want to feel that." Our brain needs us to give it precise orders of what we want to be or do happen. Otherwise we self-sabotage and go against our personal development.

Our survival emotions are adaptive, but it is the creative emotions that make us feel self-esteem and self-fulfilling.