6 Ways to Respond When You've Been Emotionally Hurt

Do you remember the song “Todo El Mundo Hiere” or “Everybody hurts”, by the band R.E.M? The ballad narrates how at different times in life we ​​have to be on one side or the other. There are times when we are hurt, and there are others that we do.

If you're like me and don't like confrontations, fights, or emotional outbursts, that's all. a challenge to be like this, because it is very easy to be serene with people where appreciation is mutual, but... What about those people who don't like us?? What can we do when someone has such a difficult character that they tend to explode at the slightest? How to respond when we like someone emotionally?

An example of a complicated relationship

I have a client who had a disagreement with an acquaintance, who in a very subtle way, belittled her. My client is a patient and kind person. This man began to resent her when she respectfully expressed her disagreement with his point of view. From that day on, every time they met, he looked for a way to hurt her with passing comments and arrogant attitudes. Her excuse was that he wanted to open up a debate on a topic they didn't agree with.

In reality, all she did of herself was attack her..

Her tactic varied. Sometimes he minimized the way he offended her, "I said it as a joke", and other times he used euphemisms to denigrate her, "an intelligent person doesn't take things that way". My client decided to act like she didn't know what was going on to avoid having a confrontation. However, he was so insistent on bothering her that she came to the session one day feeling very upset and sad. She shared with me for the first time what was happening. She hadn't done it before because she didn't want to give importance to the matter, but she got out of hand.

Surely you're reading this and you're wondering, but why didn't she stop talking to him? How did she not face him firmly? Why did he go along with it as if nothing happened? Think that each one of us is influenced by our history, by our experiences, by our interactions, by our beliefs, by our mentality, and by the ideas that we are forming about what we are capable of doing or not and what we are going to be able to tolerate or not.

The first thing I did with my client was to validate her emotions because she was having a really bad time. Then we started peeling it off layer by layer to see what was stopping him from taking their side. Later, we began to see what alternatives she had, not only in this situation, but in conflicts with others in general.

• Related article: "The 7 Main Types of Toxic Relationships"

What can we do when someone hurts us emotionally?

These are the basic guidelines and strategies to apply.

1. Practice fierce self-pity

Surely you have heard the word self-pity, which has to do with accept what happens to us and treat ourselves with the same affection that we do with those we love the most. This is a super effective self-soothing tool. Fierce self-pity is similar, only it requires us to act in the world to alleviate our suffering. This implies being able to protect ourselves, provide for ourselves, and motivate ourselves with respect and assertiveness.

2. set healthy boundaries

To dare to set limits, we have to be internalized with our deep needs. There is a very fine line between being friendly with others and betraying ourselves. At first it may cost you, but being encouraged to say "no" without guilt is liberating. The heart does not lie, do not say "yes" to anything that makes you feel bad.

• You may be interested in: "The importance of setting limits and its relationship with self-esteem"

3. Get out of the toxic situation

There are times when there is no space for constructive dialogue or respectful expression. When that happens, cut the communication completely. Protect your energy by putting an end to that person or bond that hurts you. We are usually afraid of "what will the other say if I do it", but we will save ourselves endless headaches and moments of anguish.

4. Talk about what is happening to you with someone you trust or a professional

Sometimes it takes time to share what happens to us, like my client, who thought she had managed the situation with indifference. When someone crosses the line with us, it's important to have a trusted ear. It is important that this person not beat me down for my actions or make me more angry about what has happened to me. Look for a partner who creates a safe space for you to express yourself and who can guide you on the matter.

5. Look at the situation with perspective

Sometimes what happens to us is so close to us that it contracts us, clouds us, and overwhelms us.. I always invite my clients to close their eyes, put their hands on their hearts, and answer this question, “If you could detach yourself from this situation like an eagle soaring above everything that is happening, what would you do? would you find? How would you act with this new point of view?”

• Related article: "Cognitive schemes: how is our thinking organized?"

In conclusion…

Keep in mind that you will run into some people who have problems and that you have nothing to do with all of it.

There are people who feel bad for different reasons and who project their conflicts onto others. It has happened to me walking calmly and someone who crosses his scooter incorrectly calls me an expletive because supposedly I'm in the way. At the time I was angry, but then I remember that there are people who are not well and that has nothing to do with me.

Protect yourself because your inner world is your refuge and don't let anyone walk with their dirty feet through it. Remember how strong you are and that your inner peace is non-negotiable.