How can I make better decisions?

One of the reasons for consultation that we find recurrently in therapies is decision making. Throughout our lives, people go through different periods of doubt. When these doubts appear on significant issues, the process of getting rid of those doubts and making a decision can become tedious and complex.

Some examples are: starting or leaving a relationship, changing partners, starting, leaving or changing a job, breaking a relationship or bond with a family member or [email protected], have children, change home, city, lifestyle, etc. It is in these types of decisions where the person can be blocked or numb and need help.

Decision-making problems can make us feel blocked

There are people more prone to indecision and suffering in these processes of doubts, due to their personal characteristics. This is the case of insecure people, who are often indecisive. They often think that they can make mistakes easily, or that they will not be able to adequately manage the consequences of their decisions. They face the decision-making process from anxiety and fear, which makes it difficult for it to be reflective. In addition, they tend to ask for advice excessively, feel dependent on the opinions of others, which can be very varied as they are totally subjective, so they enter a spiral of indecision from which it is increasingly difficult for them to get out, the more they ask the people around them “what would they do? they".

The very perfectionist people they also tend to become more entrenched in decision-making. This is because they usually do not allow themselves to doubt. They demand to always have clear ideas, sometimes they have an "extreme" vision of things. Therefore, doubting generates a lot of frustration, wanting to get out of that state as soon as possible. In addition, they consider that what they try has to turn out well, so decision-making becomes into something very anxious when they demand that the decision they make be the most correct, or even the "perfect" They fear being wrong, which can make them feel stifled in the decision-making process.

• Related article: "Analysis paralysis: what it is and how to overcome it"

What to do to make better decisions on a day-to-day basis?

We tend to feel more secure in certainty and stability, so our brains tend to interpret significant changes in our lives as threatening. So complex decisions, on important issues for the person, are usually accompanied by emotions such as uncertainty, discomfort, insecurity, doubts, and even some anxiety and fear.

For this reason, we indicate some ideas that we usually work on in therapies, which will help you manage your doubts during the process until you make the decision that you are going to make:

1. Assume that deciding is normal

Throughout the day we make a multitude of decisions, most of them "automatic". Therefore, you are capable of making decisions. In each of them that you take, you lose something and gain something. For example: do I go for a run in the morning or in the afternoon? Do I go to the movies or with my friend on the weekend? If you go for a run in the morning, by not running in the afternoon you may lose the possibility of going with your friend instead of alone, because he would have suggested it to you a few hours later. If you go to the movies, you might waste two hours of your life watching a movie you don't like instead of enjoying that time having a drink with your friend. So reduce your fear of taking sides in your decisions. You do it constantly, and surely in most of them you do not consider the consequences or simply assume them.

2. Realize that there is no single correct decision

That is, any decision will carry risks, and above all, you will lose something as mentioned above. Decisions are easier to make when you assume what you lose, when you agree to "pay the price" that making that decision entails instead of another. Therefore, there is no single way to do things right (and wrong), and of course, there is no perfect way.

• You may be interested in: "7 techniques and tips to reduce anxiety"

3. Evaluate your behavior by focusing on the present

Once you have removed the pressure of having to make the "perfect" decision, and assuming that in every decision you lose and win something, keep in mind that the decision you make is the best you can make right now, in the present, with the information that you now have available, and being your current self. Do not judge yourself for deciding what you decide today, because surely it is the best thing you can decide from your current self.

4. Take into account the emotional part in decisions

That is, visualize yourself having made a decision, and Observe how you will feel, what things will happen in that path that you take. Do the same with the other decision. In this way, you will be able to feel in a similar way to how you will feel in each scenario, and from there, make a decision in the present taking into account the option that gives you the best sensations. transmit. Or because it is the safest option, or the one that gives you the most calm, or the one that you feel you will enjoy the most, etc.

5. Learn from your own behavior

Think about how you have made other decisions in your life and what consequences they have had. Also, how have you dealt with these consequences. You will realize that surely you feel more comfortable making decisions under a type of criteria that, for whatever reason, are usually the criteria that you use. You will also notice that whatever the consequences, you have faced them in other decisions in your life.

6. Make a rational analysis of the options

Finally, make a rational analysis of the options. Evaluate pros and cons, advantages and disadvantages of each option you have in mind. Once you have this analysis done, observe your values, that is, under what criteria do you usually evaluate the things that happen to you. In other words, if for you a very important value is "doing the right thing", the option with the most "pros" relative to doing the right thing correct has, or the option where the correct has greater weight, is the one in which you will probably be more comfortable feel. If, for example, a very important value for you is "fun and stimulation", evaluate your options and their pros and cons under that criterion. In addition to the fact that one option has more pros than another, it is necessary to evaluate which pros are more important or which cons I am not so [email protected] to resign according to my values.

To end...

Remember that when you start to doubt, a path opens that you have to travel. Do not be in a hurry to have things clear. You will probably never be 100% clear that your decision is the best option for you, but as you go, sometimes with help professional, that path of doubts, you will solve them until you manage to have a reasonable percentage of security more to one side than towards another.

Time by itself does not usually help you decide, but this does not mean that you have to make a decision the first day you have doubts. Doubting is smart, stopping and reflecting is necessary.