Parental concerns in the stage of the adolescent son

It is very common for many parents to approach the search for psychotherapy for their children at different stages of development. The concerns have to do with questions about what should be done or how to address adolescents at home, what norms and rules to implement, when to set limits, if they are being permissive or intransigent.

There are many factors to take into account to address in psychotherapy or in the same education that parents want to provide.

• Related article: "The 3 Stages of Adolescence"

Common Concerns When Raising Teenage Children

It is very valuable to take into account the openness that several parents have developed to talk about various issues that worry their children at the stage of puberty and/or adolescence and that interest many of them us.

Just a few years ago, the thought of a mother or father having an approach to talk about sexuality was a terrifying and embarrassing scenario for many. Now it doesn't have to be that way; There are several ways to generate an environment of trust, clarity and firmness at the same time. when expressing our ideas.

It can be seen that there are more common issues that concern parents. I will list a few, which will be described later.

1. My son is too involved with social media

It is very common to hear many extremely concerned parents, since they do not know what is "normal" or expected in terms of the time their children spend on the networks or on technological devices.

Much has been said about it, and it is that in an increasingly globalized world, with so much information and even many activities carried out remotely, it is very difficult to define how much is convenient if time talk later.

There are many signs that indicate that our child may be immersed in an uncontrolled way in technological devices. As it may be that he prefers to isolate himself than to live with his peers or boys his age, he becomes very anxious if he does not have the device or contact with the technology of continuously, he gets irritated if limits are implemented regarding the subject, he does not want to do activities outside the home because he gives more importance to technology, etc.

The important thing is to detect when it is a behavior that could put our child at risk and when it is something “expected”. It is natural for a pubescent and adolescent boy not to want to spend so much time with his parents in order to dedicate more time to other activities and people.

It is common to hear that parents are concerned when this happens "suddenly", it is an adaptation process for all family members with each stage that passes. Adolescence itself is a complex and intense period. Therefore at present in a time so technologically advanced and full of uncertainty, many adolescents choose to take refuge and identify with different characters that are in the networks social. Mentioning that they would like to be like them or look alike, have the same things or travel. Comparing their worlds, their friendships and everything that surrounds these characters, actresses, tiktokers, youtubers, etc.

Parents should not opt ​​for an imposing and inflexible position, but a firm but understanding attitude. By this, we mean implementing limits that each family considers appropriate, saying an exact number of time that a teenager would have to be on the cell phone or in video games is complicated, because it depends on many factors, but we could think that if technology is having a direct impact on adolescents in terms of attitude, behavior, routines, time etc it would be worthwhile to assess with a professional what specific measures to take.

It is recommended that the adolescent have time for extracurricular activities, such as exercising outdoors or in a club where he can live with more young people, likewise that he can carry out his academic and personal tasks without much haste. When it comes to implementing limits on the hours that the adolescent will spend on their electronic devices, it is when things get difficult, since it can be difficult for the young person to comply with the rules that each parent implement. It is worth doing it with determination and reaching agreements.

• You may be interested in: "How social networks affect the mental health of adolescents"

2. Another disturbing issue is sexuality.

When the boy enters the pubertal stage, changes of all kinds begin, hormonal, the body changes, a lot of emotional movement begins, the character, the personality, etc.

It can be quite a challenge for the young person and for the parents as well to digest the process. Although there is a lot of information about it and there are even schools that address the issue according to their plans academic, it is always recommended that the boy feel open to talk to his parents about his doubts and concerns.

It's a bit rare for a 13-year-old to come home with questions about these issues, but those questions are inside his head. It is expected that the young man wants to clarify them with his friends, on the internet or with movies of all kinds. We know well that sometimes the search sources are not ideal and that there can be misunderstandings and the adolescent is often even more confused. So I recommend different talks on the subject. The first will happen by itself and it will be in kindergarten or elementary school when the child comes home with the doubt... Where do babies come from?

At that time the mother or father will give a brief explanation according to age. With this information in mind, the child will keep it until little by little through other children, previous research and school clarifications it becomes clearer, but will always be looking for answers. So after this, in the upper primary stage and the beginning of secondary school, the youngster would have a clearer idea of ​​what he is going for. It is not only the mere sexual relationship that worries us, there are other issues of equal relevance, such as the acceptance of the body, the development process, self-esteem, accepting others, dating and friendship limits, sexually transmitted diseases, family planning, abuse, etc So, as we can see, the issues to be addressed are many. Given this situation, it is preferable to do it little by little, leaving anxiety and fear aside.

Parents could choose to address these issues as they arise and according to age and time. It is not convenient to speak to all of them at the same time because we could overwhelm ourselves and the adolescent. If not, go little by little. Trying not to be a scenario of scolding, or warning, but a climate of being able to raise awareness about all these relevant and important issues. If you have questions about how to talk about these issues with your child, don't hesitate to ask a psychotherapist.

• Related article: "What is sexual identity?"

3. academic difficulties

It is very common for parents to arrive at the consultation with the mortification that their child is low grades at school. Either the school has sent the young person as a referral to psychological therapy or the parents themselves find it useful. Each school stage is different. The transition from elementary school to high school is something that many young people experience as a process that produces a lot of anxiety., since all the changes are happening at that very moment. The anxiety about changing grades, the ever-changing body, anxious parents, and the teen just doesn't know where to fit in.

It is important to be patient in this transition and allow things to gradually settle down. That being said, in high school, students who during elementary school were outstanding or "didn't have a hard time" have now become more lazy or rebellious. This is an expected attitude for many youngsters who don't know how to feel about it, and after several years of having been on the honor roll, they face the new challenge and it costs them more work get over it

In this sense, it will be important to help them digest the adaptation process and be able to detect if it is a behavioral, emotional or academic problem. In several cases, it can be more than one item that is making our adolescent restless or unstable. That is why it is always suggested that all specific doubts are dealt with by a professional on the subject.

When the young man moves on to high school, things become a little different. The adolescent is in constant conflict with himself, socially, with his parents and even with his peers, at school and in any activity that arouses ambivalence in him. At this stage, adolescents go through it with great intensity, with emotion on the surface and, in the best of cases, wanting to experience the world. They have mixed emotions, their attitude can be impulsive and imposing. So, if it's about school, it's a bit difficult to approach them to open a dialogue. Nothing that is impossible.

It is recommended at any academic stage to be aware of and in contact with school personnel, without invading the space of the young person student, in order to have a better idea of ​​what may be happening, if it is an isolated event or if it is an academic difficulty in general. In order to find the best alternative and help the boy.

• You may be interested in: "Learning Disorders: Types, Symptoms, Causes, and Treatments"

4. Friendships, dating and other ties

At this stage it is essential that the young person have a group of friends that, although not very large, perform his function, which is the accompaniment, identification, discovery of identity, etc Adolescents seek to identify with something or someone and many times, In discovering his identity, they find that their friends are the best way to do it.. They find comfort, fun, support, and companionship. When a young person does not have friends or is not interested, it is something to pay attention to.

Many parents worry that the circle of friends is not the most ideal, that there are bad influences, that families are conflictive or that they are bad students, etc. The important thing here is to give our son the confidence to be able to make decisions when he is not by our side, so that he can distinguish what is convenient and what is not.

Obviously he is going to be wrong, this is part of the process and we will have to allow it and tolerate it. Suddenly our 17-year-old son or daughter arrives and introduces his new girlfriend or boyfriend, the parents immediately begin a thorough evaluation of the qualities and defects that can be found in the sentimental partner of their children. The comments of "it doesn't suit you" "you already saw how he talks" etc. begin.

The adolescent very quickly feels a need to set a limit and get away from his parents. There are parents who have a hard time tolerating that this happens, and on many occasions they are not willing. Trying to control every space of our son will not make communication and the decisions he makes more coherent and responsible.

As we said above, our young person is trying to build a new world, full of likes, interests, hobbies, friendships, adaptation processes, family, etc. This means that within that construction He will make not-so-astute decisions and other very wise ones, and it is part of the process. You will have to meet people, have relationships and understand how the world works. We can't live it for him.

5. substance use

A more sensitive issue is the consumption of substances, such as alcohol, drugs, tobacco, etc. I mention the word delicate because the range of risk factors increases. A 17-year-old boy drinking a beer is not the same as a 14-year-old boy. A 15-year-old smoking 5 cigarettes a day is not the same as a 17-year-old smoking one cigarette a month.

Having said this, it becomes very complicated in a few simple paragraphs to analyze case by case. What is true is that no parent likes the idea of ​​their teen picking them up while intoxicated at high school parties. So, The first thing would be to determine the age of the boy.

If he is going through puberty between 11-14 years of age, if he is a teenager between 15 and 18 years of age or a late adolescent. The majority of young people between the ages of 17-20 will have frequent access to and contact with substances.

In any of the cases, especially with minors, it is crucial to provide detailed and timely information on the particulars of the abuse of any substance. Being able to distinguish with sensitivity if a young person has had a drink out of curiosity and coexistence, or if this drink of alcohol becomes something repetitive that can end up putting him at risk. If there is a more specific difficulty with drugs, it is important to evaluate it with a specialist. and see what are the best options to help the young person.

• Related article: "Substance use in adolescence: risk factors"

6. Bullying

Our last topic, but by no means least, is the bullying or abuse of any kind. As we have reviewed throughout this writing, social media spans a long time and is an important sphere for most young people. Through this medium they communicate, interact, meet people... which is why it is very common that they are more prone to being bullied or cyber bullied, since it not only happens in schools, or in another specific place, but this type of harassment is becoming more frequent.

As we mentioned, although social networks can be very useful, they can also become a means of unloading any person's frustrations. Since the real identity is covered up and it is very easy to be able to write or mention whatever. In this way, harassing someone or insulting becomes easier and more dangerous. Most adolescents do not know how to deal with this type of comments and situations since there is usually no person to which to associate bullying, I mean that many times they do not know who the aggressor is that is impacting the life of the Teen.

The bullying that occurs in the classrooms in some place that the adolescent attends in person, is also very common, these acts of Aggression can be disguised as jokes, jokes, nicknames, doing or saying something alluding to some difficulty that the young person has, to his body, isolate it etc. This It can greatly damage the self-esteem and security of the boys.

Obviously, it is also important to provide attention and help to the young people who are the ones who initiate these offenses, since they are surely going through serious difficulties.

It is vital that we are able to engage in a conversation with our student on a daily basis, where they can feel confident to express if there is something that is bothering them, ask them about their friends, with whom you have lunch, what teamwork you did, what you like about going to school, what you don't like to go to, if there is a trustworthy adult, who talks about their teachers etc All this information must be asked little by little, so that it does not become an interrogation. So, we will have a broader idea of ​​what happens in your school environment, although there will always be aspects that we are going to ignore.

It is valuable that our young person is clear about what the limits are and what situations are tolerable and what others would be worth reacting and implementing a stop and drawing a line. It can be very easy at this age to get confused and not be clear about what the limits should be with others, given this situation it is common for the borders of what is permissible to be crossed. Each family is different and each nucleus creates its own rules, but what is true is that we cannot normalize abuse of any kind.

Concluding...

As we can see, there are many factors to consider if we are talking about adolescents. From the academic issue, education, values, development, change of the body, character, personality, and the entire emotional and internal world of each individual.

It is not easy to come up with absolute answers, each case is different and has its own perspective, it is worth emphasizing that if you have doubts, If you have concerns, or simply want to talk about the subject, you or your child should contact a professional who can guide you constantly; it is completely normal to need support from time to time. The essential thing is to have a parental attitude that always allows openness, flexibility and firmness to tolerate changes.