Our Inner Critic: 5 Ways to Calm It Down

Have you found yourself saying to yourself, "you're a disaster, you're not going to get it", "you don't dedicate yourself enough, it will go wrong", "with that appearance, who is going to love you"?

It hurts just to read these comments, and yet we all have an inner voice that ruthlessly hammers us. Our inner critic is our tendency to be self-critical and overly judgmental of ourselves..

How does the voice of the inner critic originate?

The internal critic that we carry within is associated with:

• A low self-esteem in some aspects of our life. We can feel very good about many things but the critic is going to point us right where he perceives that we are not.
• To perfectionism where there are self-imposed standards that are too high and unrealistic and a great fear of failing.
• By not feeling good enough in some areas; for example, not perceiving ourselves as handsome, smart, successful, etc.

See if any of this sounds familiar to you:

The inner critic often has multiple origins, most arising from our childhood and adolescent interactions.

. We may have had very busy parents and had to manage the stress of each day without the support and loving guidance of these adults, which could have been very stressful.

It may be that some members of our family, teachers or colleagues have been very sharp with us and that we have been left with a deep emotional wound. Maybe someone has cruelly judged us once and we have internalized the idea that we are not worth much. Our inner critic can also be a result of the expectations and standards of our circle and society about what constitutes success., how we should see ourselves, and how to conduct ourselves in life. The internal critic will make itself heard louder every time we feel the need to hide what we perceive as a shortcoming or to avoid making any mistake that affects our image.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

How can we unmask our inner critic?

The most obvious way to spot the inner critic in action is to listening to how we talk to ourselves. Example, “can't you keep your mouth shut? How do you think of it?", etc.

In a more insidious way, the inner critic makes us feel guilty and ashamed for what we have said or done or failed to say and do. It is also notable how there is a greater propensity to compare oneself with others when the critic is very active.

examples

Now let's look at some examples of internal critics that may be appearing in your life:

• The Perfectionist: This inner critic focuses too much on detail and perfection, causing great anxiety and doubts about our ability.
• The Shamer: This inner critic is overly poignant, leading to feelings of shame and worthlessness.
• The Questioner: This inner critic is always questioning our abilities, leading to feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem.
• The Bully: This inner critic is brutal in what it tells us, which causes feelings of fear and paralysis.
• The blamer: This inner critic uses blame and blame, which causes feelings of anxiety and lack of autonomy.
• The one who doubts: This internal critic is too negative and pessimistic, causing feelings of hopelessness, discouragement, and often leading us to inaction.

How can we calm our inner critic?

Where our focus of attention goes, our energy flows. If we use our energy to criticize, reproach ourselves and disapprove of our behaviors, our happiness, our hope, our overall satisfaction, and our confidence are likely to drop. At the same time, an unmanaged internal critic can make us feel anxious, sad, doubtful of our abilities, less creative, and withdrawn into inaction, etc.

Now let's see how to calm our inner critic:

1. Imagine your inner critic as a person

Imagine it as a subject that, although with harmful methods, is trying to protect you. Accept it and look for the motivations behind what it tells you. Once you understand their goals, try to achieve them in a more constructive way. For example, If your critic punishes you for being late everywhere, he understands that his motivation is for you to be on time.. Look for ways to arrive on time from an internal place of tranquility.

• You may be interested in: "Emotional management: 10 keys to master your emotions"

2. Remember that making mistakes is normal

Mistakes will help you learn for next time. And also celebrate your successes and good experiences! Have a tendency to take for granted what goes well and a fixation on what doesn't go as planned.

3. Treat yourself like a friend would

When you realize you're being too hard on yourself, take a step back and ask yourself what you would say to a friend in the same situation. Remind yourself that you are worthy and deserving of love and respect.

• Related article: "Cognitive schemes: how is our thinking organized?"

4. Learn to focus on the here and now

When you feel sad or worried, take a few moments to pause and take a deep breath to anchor yourself in the present moment.

4. Reframe your inner critic's messages in a more positive way

For example, instead of telling yourself "I'm not good enough to…" say, "I'm doing my best" or "I'm working to be my best."

• You may be interested in: "Impostor syndrome: when we don't value our successes"

In conclusion…

The ability to observe ourselves and develop a greater awareness of our inner critic and their negative thoughts and beliefs it will give us information about the factors that trigger it. This ability will help us create a distance between our critic and us.

The messages of our critic are not true but positively analyzed they can help us to discover any underlying needs that may be driving that inner voice that makes us so insecure. It is always convenient to ask for professional help, where we will obtain a different perspective as well as the tools to manage it.