Unlearn what does not work in your Self-esteem

The keys to improving self-esteem are important when you want to increase confidence in yourself. Self-esteem is the foundation of your self-concept. Since you are very little, you have many adults around you who are sending you messages of all kinds at all times, which affect the development of your self-esteem, positively or negatively. That is why I have written this article to give you keys to improve self-esteem when you feel that you have it in poor shape.

Key messages to improve self-esteem

when you are small brain He still doesn't know how to distinguish whether what they tell you is meant seriously and is literal, or you have to make adaptations in their meaning. But the fact is that they tell you.

Everything they tell you, which usually refers to who you are, what you are and what you do, They can direct it in an unconditional way (references to your being) or (references to your doing) conditions, and equally in a positive or negative sense..

Positive messages to improve self-esteem:

• Unconditional: I love how you are.
• Conditional: I like your way of cooking.

Negative messages that damage self-esteem:

• Unconditional: every time I see you I get sick.
• Conditional: don't bother doing it because you don't know.

The effect of key messages to improve self-esteem

Throughout your growth, you are continually receiving messages that improve or do not improve your self-esteem. First of all, with these messages you acquire a concept about:

• Yourself regarding what you are worth to yourself and to others.
• What others are worth to themselves and to you.
• What life is worth to you and to others.

With these key messages to improve self-esteem you are drawing conclusions. As a consequence of them, you integrate the idea of ​​whether you are capable of contributing things to yourself and to others, if others are capable of contributing to you and to themselves, and if life brings you things that are good for you, or No. With these conclusions you form your self-concept, because with them you say to yourself:

• “I like myself because I like who I am, what I do and what I contribute. Therefore, I accept myself for myself.
• "I don't like myself in this or in that, and I reject myself; therefore, to accept myself, I need the opinion of another".

Self-concept is key to improving self-esteem

He selfconcept is the way you see yourself along with the opinion you know or think others have of you. In fact, everything that happens in the early years of your life determines how you will be later on, and the kind of adult you will be, as well as the results you will achieve.

The keys to improving self-esteem can shape self-esteem. Because self-esteem is manifested through your behaviors, and all behaviors are learned, it is normal to think that with adequate keys to improve self-esteem, it can be shaped.

In addition, with keys to improve self-esteem, new behaviors can be learned at any age.. It is clear that if you already have a series of established bases, learning becomes more awkward, it costs more, but despite this, it is possible.

Teachers give keys to improve self-esteem

Teachers are very important, but certainly when they come into your life, you already have the foundation of your self-esteem established.

The basic structure of the personality develops between 0-6 months of life, and at that age you still don't go to school to be in contact with teachers. At that age the pillars of how your personality is going to be have already been laid, because with the aforementioned messages; you realize, for example, if when you complain you get what you want or not. Whether when you run out they attend to you, or when you lock yourself in the room, they look for you, etc. And so, you are making the composition of the behaviors with which you get what you want and repeat them, until they are automated. These automatisms are integrated before school age.

Because the development of the basic structure of your personality occurs at such an early age, it is a time when you have not yet mastered words. You perceive actions, gestures, sounds, closeness, contact. This is the language that you are interpreting, and the idea “I am good doing this, or I am not good doing this” is forming in your head.

Learning vocabulary is one of the keys to improving self-esteem. From the moment you learn the vocabulary, and you start going to school, the teacher can guide you in those attitudes in which he sees that you are not having self-esteem, that you do not have affection for yourself, or that you do not you accept.

• You may be interested in: "Developmental Psychology: main theories and authors"

A functional self-esteem indicates the use of cues to improve self-esteem

The term "functional self-esteem" refers to the fact that the concept that you have developed about yourself does not help you to access your internal resources with which to make decisions, enjoy a field day, share a conversation with a friend... because you feel in inferiority of capacities, because you think of yourself/or that you are not worth it, or you think of the other, that what another has to give you is not serves you… These concepts build victimized, arrogant, or authoritarian personalities.

Negative words and actions influence you to have negative behaviors

Certainly, actions and words influence you. And if they are positive, they encourage you to have constructive behaviors, love yourself more and have more options to develop certain abilities.

But although it is often thought that the negative is negative, and that the positive is positive, this is not necessarily always the case. It can happen that you receive so many positive stimuli, that you have been told so many times how good you are or how well you do... that you feel overwhelmed and that stops you at a given moment when trying to continue developing, for fear of not being as good as they say.

Because you have a high level of demand as a result of those hyperpositive messages, you tend to be perfectionist. Therefore, in certain situations you can block yourself if you see that you are not going to reach that image of perfectionism that you have been surrounded by, or that you have interpreted of yourself.

Another consequence of these messages could be that you distort reality so much that you do not see that there are problems. As they have always told you that you are wonderful, everything does not matter to you; for you there are no consequences for what you do. You live in a fantasy world, you splurge, and anything goes. You don't take responsibility for their actions, because since they told you that you're cool and you believed it, nothing happens. your ego is inflated.

• Related article: "Narcissistic Personality Disorder: causes and symptoms"

Positive reinforcement is one of the keys to improving self-esteem

If you doubt, to avoid inflated egos, when giving positive reinforcement (especially in very young children) you have to give them very in time with respect to the moment in which an achievement is achieved, and then space them out when the child is older and so many reinforcements are no longer needed, because he already believes in himself, to avoid these extremes.

Negative reinforcements must also be incorporated. Convey “I know you are learning and I let you learn, but I tell you what you don't do well, I teach you and let you learn how to improve it”.

As a consequence of a balance between both types of reinforcement, you are teaching the child to feel good in her life; You make it easier for them to think that when faced with problems they have resources, and that they always have people around to turn to.

Thinking you have someone to turn to prevents feelings of loneliness from low self-esteem

When inside you are certain that you always have people to turn to, the vision of "I feel alone and I suffer for it" does not enter. This vision of suffered loneliness arises when your self-esteem is not functional, that is, when faced with a problem you remain blocked/or, due to perfectionism, egocentrism, victimhood, or any other adaptation that you have made with your personality.

Imagine that, faced with a problem, you think that others have nothing to contribute to solving it, that you do not have resources for them, and that, therefore, you end up thinking that this happens because you do not worth. This is a devastating conclusion that does not improve self-esteem at all.

• You may be interested in: "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"

Keys to improve self-esteem

The behavior is learned; everything that has been learned can be unlearned and relearned. Therefore, it is good that you unlearn what does not work in your self-esteem.

The unlearning process is the most difficult, because it is in which you have to realize what is happening to you and become aware; like when you drop the token and say "gosh, I've been doing this like this all my life, and I could have done it in this other, much easier way, and without damaging myself so much."

Undoubtedly, it takes a lot of willpower and desire to dare to enter the unlearning process. However, when you pass to the other side is when you say, great!

Getting there is not easy. It is a very hidden place that you have to go to. Sometimes you want to go and arrive, and when you arrive, you see the darkness. You see the b side of your personality, and you say: “I still prefer not to look, I still prefer to leave it as it is, because since I don't know the result that it will give me, it makes me very panicky, and it scares me a lot”.

That fear, held by a professional hand, who knows how to take care of you and knows how to guide you, is crossed, and what is behind it is light. Make an appointment at my emotional therapy consultation and I will accompany you to unlearn what ruins your self-esteem

Conclusion

Getting to understand and see that you have a problem and that things can be done differently is possible, as long as you are willing to take into account the keys to improve self-esteem: take yourself into account, give yourself the necessary approval, give yourself recognition and validation for who you are, and not for what you do or manage to give yourself priority to take care of your needs, and let go of dependence on external approval.

What key helps you to improve self-esteem? I read you in comments. If you liked the article, go ahead, rate it and share.