Interview with Marta Carrasco: insecurities and decision making

Although we are not aware of it, on a day-to-day basis we make a large number of decisions whose consequences can significantly affect us. However, we are not always aware of those inertias that in some cases lead us to choose the wrong option. In fact, this tendency to make mistakes can be assumed as "normal", part of our personality.

The way in which our personal insecurities affect our decision making is an example of this.. To better understand how both psychological phenomena are related to each other, we have interviewed the psychologist Marta Carrasco.

• Related article: "Self-concept: what is it and how is it formed?"

Interview with Marta Carrasco: insecurity and its involvement in decision-making in life

Marta Elena Carrasco Solís is a General Health Psychologist, and attends to people of all ages in his practice located in Granada. In this interview she talks to us about the way in which personal insecurities are reflected in the decisions we make in our lives.

How are personal insecurities and low self-esteem related?

Generally we tend to associate low self-esteem with the feeling of feeling less than or with the idea of ​​believing ourselves inferior, either with respect to some expectation that is not fully achieved, or to someone that we take as a reference for compare us.

Perhaps the expression "not living up to" could be a way of contextualizing these types of feelings in the field of what we call low self-esteem or low self-esteem. Part of the problem is that this situation taken to the extreme is like a vicious circle that conditions a large part of people's lives and is a source of pathological behaviors and symptoms.

However, there is an aspect of insecurities that would be within normality (of the norm, of what happens to most beings mortals) and that is related to the way in which our personality has been shaped over time and our singular history of learning.

Can everyone develop problems due to excessive insecurity in specific areas of their life? life, or is it rather something linked to the personality of some people, a part of the population?

The way I see it, excess almost always brings with it some kind of problem. In line with the above, if insecurity is ultimately a reflection of something else that has to do with what has been learned, Anyone can develop major issues related to insecurities at any given time or circumstance. concrete.

What happens is that normally what is observed is not so much the insecurity but the way of compensating or hiding it, and the person is not always aware of this mechanism. Sometimes you can function so well in life and not even know what you're trying to hide, so it's hard to put words to it. The problem is when a certain circumstance or event causes this to break down and stop working. Then the anguish and the anxiety as protagonists.

Sometimes, what we call insecurities blocks something that is experienced as intolerable for the person (even if they are not fully aware of it). We can imagine ourselves as a series of gaps, vulnerabilities, and weaknesses around which our personality has been developing with its fears and shame. This costume or this suit may cease to be useful to us at some point.

Does being an insecure person imply, among other things, becoming too obsessed with what we don't know before making a decision?

Partly yes, and partly not necessarily. Some of the ways in which insecurity manifests itself are directly related to the fact of not knowing or believing that more should be known about what we have to take an decision.

I understand that obsessing over a decision or thinking too much about something without actually taking action is a way to avoid showing that you don't know or to avoid showing a certain weakness. A difficulty when it comes to accepting that you cannot know everything and a somewhat naive fantasy that everything could be under control. Sometimes these obsessions stretch out over time and we never make any decision, which generates a high degree of suffering and blockages in many people.

How can insecurity influence us in the professional and work environment?

If we understand insecurities as traces that are part of a story, it is a bit difficult to separate their effects by areas. However, depending on the person, insecurities become more important and are manifested more explicitly in some of the areas of life. Previously, for example, we mentioned the issue of not knowing and decision making.

In relation to the professional and work environment, I have the feeling that different aspects are intermingled both social relationships, as well as our own expectations and what we do not know and what we should know.

Although it is a very broad subject with multiple edges, an example could be that of a person who works and complies with what he requires him at work and, faced with the possibility of occupying a position of greater responsibility, he begins to show difficulties and weaknesses. Another example is that of a person who does not feel capable of reaching a certain job position and makes excuses that go against what he would like.

These are just two examples of the many that can be observed and that could have to do with the idea that something is forbidden, is wrong within a learned scale of values, or is outside of personal identity assumed.

And how does it usually influence us in affective relationships, both within the couple and with friends and family?

It is almost an irrefutable fact that humans are social beings. Therefore, it is not surprising that much of these insecurities manifest within the realm of interactions with others and in our social circles. However, sometimes they appear alone in the way we talk to ourselves.

In the field of affective relationships, it is different when it comes to an interaction between two people than a group interaction in which more actors appear on the scene. It depends on the person that one situation is more difficult than the other.

In groups of friends, family... Normally it is usually more difficult to control what makes it easier for insecurities to be awakened and the mechanisms to hide them. In some cases, when this involves stress that is difficult to manage, symptoms appear such as social anxiety, Scared of speaking in public, aggressive behaviors, situations of exclusion and other more subtle ones, such as tensions or an apparent lack of interest in social ties.

Is it common for the mismanagement of uncertainty to lead people to a situation in which they should seek psychotherapeutic help?

I don't know if there is a good way to manage uncertainty. Accepting that very little is under our control is often difficult.

It is true that there are complex situations where uncertainty can be especially distressing, which makes some people consider seeking professional help. In any case, perhaps it is interesting to understand why a certain situation generates a certain level of uncertainty and not what happens to us when we do not know or do not control.

As a psychologist, what kind of psychotherapeutic solutions and resources do you think are most useful for intervening in these cases?

Like everything in life, there are different ways to approach the issue of insecurities depending on personal singularities and the therapeutic approach from which one works. In my opinion, therapeutic work is not so much about covering up these vulnerabilities or compensating for them with strategies.

Sometimes, this can have the opposite effect and it can happen that the problem moves to another place or to another area of ​​life, or a false sense of control increases. In this sense, I think it is important to be able to accommodate these fears and insecurities, start to shell them out and put words to them and find the "pros" and "cons" of this type of behaviors.

Having a more global vision of how we relate to each other and the consequences that this entails on a day-to-day basis allows a distance and the possibility of making the decision either to maintain it, or to enter into the adventure that any process of change. Perhaps it is not about changing everything and doing something like a "reset", basically because this is an impossible starting task, and it is more about being able to do something different from what we have been used to and has been, or continues to be, a source of conflict, suffering and discomfort.