Shame, Trauma and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)

Shame is a deeply human emotion.. We have all felt it at some point in our lives. It helps us to realize those behaviors that distance us from the group or are not useful for socialization.

However, over the years, and through different investigations, it has been seen that shame is an emotion that is more present —and is especially intense— in victims of abuse, violence or negligence.

When we have experienced adverse or traumatic experiences such as abandonment, negligence, sexual abuse, physical or psychological violence, we often think and feel that there is something fundamentally wrong with us. In those cases, Shame takes center stage in our lives, leaving us feeling deeply inadequate..

It is common for beliefs to appear such as "I am a bad person and that is why they abused me" or "because they abused me, I am inadequate or dirty”, or recurring thoughts of not being enough, not deserving of love or not being valuable or valuable, among others Similar.

Why do we feel ashamed?

Like all emotions, shame has a function. Its function is

make sure we can continue to be part of the group to which we belong and continue to receive the support, care, affection and nutrition that we need to survive.

Let us remember that, for our ancestors, being “expelled” or rejected from the group implied an enormous disadvantage for survival. Being left out of the group meant, in a very literal way, death.

That is why, when shame is activated, it is usually a very intense emotion, since it is closely linked to our survival instinct.

Shame is often learned and experienced during our most vulnerable childhood years., when we are dependent on our caregivers. Loving, empathetic caregivers who look at us and validate our emotions help us to co-regulate intense emotions in a healthy and friendly way.

However, caregivers who are negligent, abusive, who humiliate us or who do not look at us or validate us, do not allow this co-regulation leaving us, sometimes, with a difficulty or impossibility to regulate very intense emotions including the shame.

How is shame generated?

According to Paul Gilbert, a clinical psychologist and university professor and creator of Compassion-Focused Therapy, there are different types of shame.

Shame by trespassing It is one that is generated by feeling mistreated by others, whether emotional or physical abuse. Verbal abuse and humiliation "inject" meanings or negative labels about the experiences we have of ourselves.

On the other hand, the shame of exclusion It is that feeling that is generated by not being noticed, searched for or taken into account. This type of shame has more to do with negligence, carelessness, with not feeling looked at or validated. It is a more passive form, but no less important. It can be just as intense and dysfunctional.

According to Gilbert, “there is evidence that verbal abuse and having one's own self defined by others in negative terms, can be just as impactful and pathogenic as physical or sexual abuse”.

According to various investigations, shame, and the self-criticism that comes with it, is a “trans-diagnostic” emotion; This means that it is present in multiple clinical diagnoses such as depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, or the eating disorders, among others.

How do you work on shame from the CFT to bring it to healthy levels?

Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) is a psychotherapeutic modality developed by Professor Paul Gilbert. This therapeutic model was originally developed to work with people who presented complex mental health problems, linked to shame and self-criticism, and who typically came from adversarial, neglectful, or abusive backgrounds. These negligent or abusive environments often leave those who experience them with feelings of shame and guilt that have profound effects on their lives. personal identity and that include an alteration in the most basic and fundamental beliefs about oneself, others, the future and the world.

Compassion-focused therapy is a multi-modal approach that draws on developmental psychology, attachment theory, mindfulness, Buddhist psychology, cognitive behavioral therapy and the theory of archetypes. And, as we mentioned earlier, it is aimed at people with high levels of shame and self-criticism, aspects that are at the base of much of human suffering. The intent of CFT therapy is Generate compassionate motivation in patients and restore emotional balance.

From this perspective, it is important to clarify that compassion has nothing to do with pity or mercy, as many times misinterpreted, but with openness and sensitivity to one's own suffering and that of others, and with the intention of preventing or relieve it.

Through various interventions, such as the therapeutic link, the deep understanding of how both our brains and human, like our emotions, from Mindfulness practices and compassion training, this approach is intended to achieve an emotional balance and a wiser, kinder and braver way of relating to all the challenges that life presents us day to day. Of course, this also includes those challenges related to adverse or traumatic experiences from our own history.

Compassion Focused Therapy helps us reduce shame and self-criticism, and allows us to have a fuller and happier life. There is currently scientific evidence that affirms the effectiveness of compassion-focused therapy for work, both with depressive and anxiety disorders, as well as eating behavior, personality and addictions.

Similarly, the evidence grows every day that when CFT therapy is combined with EMDR therapy, the effectiveness in the treatment of post-traumatic stress disorders and complex trauma is growing steadily important.