The "negative caresses": what are they?

People who are not familiar with the theory of Transactional Analysis you may not have heard of the "negative caresses". This is a concept that gains importance in certain forms of psychotherapy and analysis of psychosocial phenomena, and that can help to understand human relationships.

To understand what this type of caresses are, it is necessary to understand the meaning of "caresses" from the transactional perspective. Let's see what its particularities are and how they affect us.

Caresses from Transactional Analysis

According to Eric Berne, the father of Transactional Analysis, strokes are “recognition units that provide stimulation to an individual”. Therefore, from the transactional perspective, the concept is different from what is generally understood as caress: "soft and delicate physical contact that is made by sliding the hand or fingers over the body of someone".

From the Transactional Analysis, caresses not only refer to physical stimulation, since it also includes psychological and social stimulation

(recognition). In this sense, applying caresses is a way of establishing links based on externalization of that knowledge that we are before a being with its own subjectivity, something that implies recognizing its autonomy.

Everyone needs physical and psychological stimulation to lead a fulfilling life, and petting is a fundamental unit of social recognition. Both physical and psychological caresses They provide many benefits from an early age, and as we grow, social acknowledgment becomes an essential aspect for psychological well-being.

positive and negative caresses

In the theory of Transactional Analysis are exposed two types of caresses according to the sensation that they invite to live: the positive caresses and the negative. Positive caresses cause pleasant sensations and emotions; and the negative ones, cause unpleasant sensations and emotions.

Here are some examples of these types of caresses:

• positive caresses: “I love you”, “you are incredible”, I love you”.
• negative caresses: “I hate you”, you are an idiot”, “you look very bad with those clothes”.

The negative caresses They may be:

• sarcastic comments
• Ignore the actions of the other
• Put the other down and humiliate the other person
• scorn

We all have a need to be accepted and touched.

Berne speaks of "hunger for caresses" to name people's need to be recognized and touched, since the deprivation of sensory aspects in children can cause psychological problems. Already at an early age, the lack of positive caresses (being caressed, praised, etc.) can cause the child to look for negative touches to compensate for the lack of social recognition, and it is a way of seeking attention that does not receives.

Therefore, sometimes negative caresses are used with family members, partners, friends, and these are toxic behaviors that poison our relationships and that come to have harmful effects for the members of the relationship. That is why you should avoid giving and receiving negative caresses.

This is especially in the parent-child relationship, since in the case of parents it is necessary to:

• be expressive: kisses, caresses and frequent hugs.
• Be genuine when praising children.
• be tender and understanding and accept the behavior of children.
• be measured And don't forget that they are children.
• Applaud children's successes and reward them when necessary.

It is also interesting to allow the child to grow up feeling loved and properly develop your emotional intelligence.

Not only those who do not receive caresses suffer, but also those who do not express them

A Stanford University study led by James Gross indicates that suppressing the expression of emotions carries high psychological, social and health costs. Individuals who do not express their emotions are more unhappy and suffer from lower physiological immunity.

According to the data of this investigation, the lack of emotional expression not only does not reduce the emotions, but it magnifies negative emotions, causing problems for physical well-being and psychological. The expression of positive emotions brings with it more rewarding experiences and improves interpersonal relationships.